BLake, a new reader and commenter, asked me a bunch of questions – which I don’t mind, BLake, so don’t apologize for asking them – and so many that it was better I write something specifically for him to answer them. First, how I got on this path, something I’ve written about before but you’d have to read three years worth of stuff to find it all.
When I was nine, a drunken friend of my father paid me to let him put his cock in my mouth and more to put it in my butt… and since visions of all the candy and comic books I could buy danced in my head – but despite knowing that boys didn’t do this stuff to other boys – I agreed… and got instantly hooked just as I did when, a year earlier, a girl showed me how to put my dick in her and move it in and out.
As the folks who’ve been with me for a while already know, I went batshit crazy having sex with boys and girls and having the time of my life but my curiosity was insisting that I figure out what this was all about – at the time, I didn’t even know the word “bisexual” existed but what I knew was that, hell, yeah, this was too much fun. Then I started my quest to learn all I could about this forbidden thing I’d been doing and eventually found the definition of bisexual which, at the time, was defined as a physical, emotional, or sexual attraction to males and females. Okay, even at the age I was when I discovered this word, it made perfectly good sense… but there were still many questions that had to be answered… and a lot more sex to be had.
Attraction. As you probably know, that word covers a lot of things and doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone even though there’s a generally accepted meaning. Girls attracted me big time – their looks, their bodies, the way they walked and talked, and things they thought about. But even back then, I knew I didn’t have the same attraction to men and that my attraction was more sexual than anything else – but it didn’t mean that I didn’t like guys – I had my share of male friends – or that I didn’t know a good looking guy when I saw on – some of my male friends were damned handsome. But dealing with girls and trying to get into their panties taught me something, that the definition of attraction I had was too general because I believed, just like every guy did, that a pretty girl was attractive and the one that should be pursued and then learned what they meant by “beauty’s only skin deep…” and my experiences with guys were bearing the same fruit but, again, I knew that I could see a good looking guy and not feel a need to get into his pants and after making a fair amount of mistakes, I saw that the generally accepted notions of attractions weren’t uniform and had to be refined to fit my perceptions.
So I stopped reading books by their covers, stopped believing the things guys would say in order to get me naked, and started looking deeper and at the other things, in particular, their mindset, something that a lot of people (at the time) didn’t pay much attention to; they’d be blinded by what they saw, left themselves open to being tricked into having sex and, before I turned 16, well, that which I found attractive took on a different meaning and I was learning that the most attractive thing was a guy who shared the same or similar sexual desires but in a way that matched up more with how I was looking at having sex with other guys.
Even then, learned some tough lesson about all of this and, importantly, about myself; while I had an aesthetic appreciation for “beauty” – like what I said about Roman Reigns – what was the real attraction for me to having sex with men? Looks wasn’t it; I’d learned to look past the book’s cover. Was it emotional? Like some guys, I didn’t even think that was possible until I fell in love with a guy but in the whole, nah; I could like a guy a lot and to the point where I’d even think about hitting on him and hoping he’d hit on me… but it was the sex possible that really got me cranked up. I saw while the definition of bisexual that I carried with me had a world of possibilities, years of introspective inspection – along with trying to figure out if I was really gay – made it clear to me that what attracted me to men was the sex, that opportunity to suck cock, swallow sperm and, at that time, fuck and be fucked; anything else was just window dressing.
“Joe” might be a handsome guy and he might even have a big dick, all nice things to look at to be sure… but what would be attractive was what was going on in his head; how did he see himself, how did he see the world in general, why did he like having sex with guys, and other such things that became more important to me than that which is superficial and I had learned the hard way about believing the bullshit and learned how to find out what I needed to know in order to get naked with him. Most of the time I found it, many times I didn’t – nothing unusual here.
But as I talked to more bisexual guys, I’d see how they saw things,mass how frustrated they often were and even how a handsome face, smoking body, and silky smooth approach would, more often than not, made them realize that giving themselves to such a guy was a mistake they greatly regretted… and I wanted to know why. In a lot of ways, we are not all that different from women when it comes to wanting the things we want that’ll make us happy campers, including someone having an interest in us that’s more than just sexual. Many of the guys I talked to about this (and even had sex with) were usually frustrated because finding a guy who resonated with them and according to whatever criteria they used was difficult and I learned that because they relied on physical attraction as a catalyst, hmm, maybe they were making it hard for guys to bed them by having very exacting standard, up to and including “being into” each other.
I had learned that, nope, I didn’t have to be into a guy to get naked with him; if he wanted to and I wanted to and I felt I could trust him – and my gut instinct – then it was on and rather gloriously so, I might add. And it’s pretty much always worked for me and, yes, sometimes I guessed wrong but not often; some guys just feel “wrong” even though all of the attraction factors are there and I learned to, again, trust my instincts and ability to read people to keep me away from the guys with the bad vibe.
I had my first male experience in 1964 when the notions of bisexuality that exist right now did not exist and he people making these assertions were not even born… and maybe their parents hadn’t been born. I have seen, over these decades, a pattern of behavior and one based on superficial attraction and where being into someone is mandatory for sex to happen… and while I don’t discount any of that, I know that the generally accepted notions of that whichever is attractive are not as mandatory as everyone says they are. I don’t know how many men I’ve talked to who have said that if they’re not attracted to a guy or feel some kind of chemistry between them, no deal… and we all tend to behave like this, don’t we, even when we find out that our exacting standards in this made us miss golden opportunities – and this works for men and women. Guys don’t want to screw the “ugly” girls, do they? They don’t wanna screw the not so handsome, small cock guys either.
And if/when they fail to find those things they’re looking for, it’s clear to me – and if to no one else – that attraction and all those things connected with this is overrated, that we can rely too much on that which we see to get us revved up for sex and, yeah, even that the sex has to have some other meaning that’s deeper than the obvious: Getting your cock sucked feels good. Period. At the root of all of this is desire and then not erecting too many barriers between you and that which you desire. To a lot of people, I’m not bisexual because a hot guy doesn’t make my dick hard and I have no romantic interests in men at all. Yet, for 52 of my 60 years, I have been intimate on every level possible with both men and women – I just don’t follow or, sometimes, agree with what this “new” definition of what bisexuality is and what it means to be bisexual.
Good looks don’t impress me; big cocks don’t impress me; I don’t need or require “being into” anymore than I need to be in a relationship with a guy to want to throw down with him. What I need is desire and trust; the desire is easy because I always want to have sex any time, any place, and damned near anyone – if the trust is there and sometimes it isn’t for either mentor women. Am I bisexual? Damned right I am and always have been since that fateful day I had a cock in my mouth and got that first taste of another man’s sperm and, later, felt it seeping out of my butt. It wasn’t better than sex with girls – and it still isn’t – but damn, this is still way too much fun.
And since I am responsible for my satisfaction in these things, if I want to have fun, then it’s on me to remove as many barriers I can in order to have as much fun as I can. Could I love a guy? Yeah, I did before so I’d be an idiot to assume it would never happen again. Do I need love to give a guy some head? No. Does he have to be drop-dead handsome? Nope. Dick down to his knees? Nope. Have to be in a relationship with him to express my sexual desires? Not even. What I really need is to be willing and able to do it… and I’ve always been that… but I’m not careless (anymore, anyway) and far from stupid about these things. I just don’t need a whole lot to get naked and have sex… with anyone, male or female.
Do I recognize and understand that other bisexual men (and even women) require these things? I do… but because I do not put a lot of stock in these things doesn’t make me any less bisexual. I say I’m not your “typical” bisexual because I’m not – and I know I’m not the only atypical bi guy because, um, I’ve slept with a lot of them over all this time. I am, in fact, mentoring a guy who is as atypical as I am and we are learning much from each other. Do I make gay men insane? Yeah, and they’ve not been shy about telling me how crazy I make them because while I share their sexual desire for men, I don’t share their motivations. Doesn’t seem to stop them from wanting to bed me, though, and I’m good with that. When I need love and all those nice things, women work for me in a most excellent way. I don’t require that to, say, give you a blow job; I just gotta like and trust you enough.
I don’t fit today’s description of a bisexual because I was bisexual before it ever came to be. I even know that the people supporting this definition are not, in fact, bisexual, and that many who are actually use heterosexual guidelines to determine whether they’re really bisexual and to justify their need for the sex that’s possible. If that works for them, all well and good… but when I write or talk about this, yep, I will point out that I am and have been bisexual for a very long time and without these “mandatory” requirements they say define bisexuality. I relate to women one way and to men in another – it’s not 50/50 by any stretch of the imagination… and it’s not supposed to be because you define what this means to you instead of letting others define it for you and more so if they aren’t – and can’t – be bisexual.
I’m sexually attracted to men and as “shameful” as this is being seen today – that “hearts not parts” thing in play – I own this attraction and without one bit of shame. I might be attracted to your personality; ya might even be a hunk and even these things might not literally get a rise out of me. Offer me your cock… and watch what happens next if I trust you. What I need is the desire and I have that in spades, BLake; everything and anything else is gravy for me: Nice to have but not always necessary.