I’ve been kinda hanging out on a site forum filled with bisexual men, both actively and curiously bi and after putting my fifteen cents worth on a few important topics, I’ve had no less than three guys start picking my brain about what it means to be bisexual, married and bisexual, and how does one go about having that most desired first sexual experience with another guy. This site even has a section for folks who are dealing with a bi guy and looking for answers.
I don’t have any idea how many members there are – I suppose I could find out if I really wanted to know – but on the one hand, it’s so good to see men gathered on this site and, if only in words, expressing their bisexuality… while on the other, I admit to being amazed at how many of these men are still waiting to have that first experience and quite a few of these men are 50+ years old and there are also a lot of 20- and 30-somethings who are craving their first taste and feel of another man’s body.
It’s like you want to go swimming in the ocean but are landlocked. You can probably afford to head to the ocean but the expense isn’t the issue – it’s not knowing what you’re gonna find in the waters when you get there… and maybe you go to swim and remember that, um, you don’t know how to swim… but you’ve got it in your mind to jump in anyway.
Those three guys have been asking me what I’d call the usual questions that fall into the “what, when, where, why, and how” category even though they all admitted to having watched gay porn – one guy said that seeing that action kick-started his bisexual urges – but that also told me that they understood at a basic level that watching two guys getting busy on a screen isn’t the same as doing those things for real.
It’s not that they don’t know what they want to do or why they want to do it; they are, for lack of a better word, afraid to do it, which is understandable and normal. When I write about this, I often refer to bisexuality as being the deep end of a very murky pool and these men – and so many others on this site – are all standing at the edge of that pool, wanting to dive or jump in… but cannot see what lies beneath the surface and a surface whose calmness belies the turbulence that waits beneath the surface.
I cannot blame them for being hesitant; if I wasn’t already a “master swimmer” in this end of the pool, I’d be hesitant to stick a toe in. Their hesitancy isn’t due to concerns about their health so much as not knowing what to expect; the fear of the unknown is a prime fear in all of us and here’s the thing that I find amazing: It’s not as if these guys don’t know what a blow job is or know nothing about fucking someone. Again, gay porn is what I’d call a poor teaching aid but the visuals it can provide can reveal much. So, in the one hand, if you know that men suck and fuck each other – and more than is admitted to these days, then wouldn’t it make sense that there’s nothing unknown to be leery of?
Nope… because watching two guys on a screen gobbling each other’s cocks is very different from having a cock waiting to be sucked into hardness right there in your face or you’re lying there and watching a man about to close his mouth around your cock and something that your mind is telling you should only be done by women.
Fantasy is fine… reality can be a bitch. I’ve said to the men I’ve been in contact with that they should think first, then act if you must or if you can and that if you can’t act, don’t…. which is different from what some of the, ah, more experienced members of this forum are saying as helpful things to say. I’ve read where some guys are asking for advice and getting responses that I wouldn’t even think of saying. One guy was a day or so away from his first “date” with a guy and was asking if he should go ahead and have the sex him and his “date” we’re talking about. The, er, more experienced guys told him no, that he shouldn’t do anything on a first “date” and started telling him every horror story that they ever heard – but nothing they’d actually experienced.
Not the best advice to give someone who’s been waiting a long time for this moment to finally happen. Be careful, yes, but if you feel safe and have established a level of trust, go for it. You can’t have a first time if you don’t have it, ya know? Yes, there are risks to be considered and those risks exist even if you’re trying to bed a woman. But if you told me that you’ve considered all the possibilities you can think of and have spent a lot of time getting to know the other guy and you’re certain you can go to bed with him safely, then why not?
Sigh. There’s just so much men don’t understand about this and someone has to provide useful information and I guess I’ve volunteered again. It’s important that men who want to explore this side of themselves to fully understand what’s going on with this, to know the pros and cons of it all because an informed decision is much better an a mistake borne out of ignorance and cluelessness or, worst, misinformation.