You’re going about having a life, being a normal and typical pussy-loving fiend of a guy – and you can be a strictly-dickly kind of gal – when, in on moment, you see a guy (or a gal); ya could be sitting in traffic, at McDonald’s enjoying a “2 for $5” meal, or even watching some good old-fashioned straight porn.
You feel a sudden rush of sexual desire and while your mind starts to get itself around this familiar but strange feeling, you hear another part of your mind ask a question that, later, you wouldn’t have ever heard: “I wonder what it would be like to have sex with him/her?”
Whoa! What the fuck? Where did that come from? I ain’t into that shit!
What I’ve always found interesting is that in this moment, the denial is almost automatic and reflexive while, at the exact same time, ya know exactly what was felt and that your brain dutifully logged that “what if” question… and now an internal struggle begins and one that, at first, is easy to shrug off and maybe even explain because, you know, um, sometimes when you’re horny or otherwise distracted, well, your mind can conjure up all kinds of nonsense. Yeah! That explains it! Maybe you even think that it’s time to go out on a date or put home girl/home boy on notice that there will be vigorous sex to come.
Until it hits you again… and again… and again – and as it keeps happening, it becomes harder to explain why you’re having these thoughts and feelings when you know damned well that you’re not supposed to have them over someone who’s the same as you are. Those of you who have been through this knows what I’m talking about and for those of you who may be experiencing this, well, do I have your attention?
Those with biphobia have accused bisexuals for being confused and they’re partially correct because in that moment when you think you maybe bisexual, it is pretty damned confusing; what you think you know isn’t matching the reality of what you’re feeling and the confusion tends to deepen because your mind will automatically latch onto the dogma we’ve all been taught and is now unwilling to accept a new understanding which, actually, isn’t really a new understanding because, after all, it’s not as if you’ve never heard of bisexuals before…
You just never thought it would pay you a visit.
Every single day, men and women struggle with this WTF moment that’s like a gift that keeps on giving; the confusion deepens as one works to reinforce the reality they’re comfortable with while both their mind and body are conspiring against them to effect a change in that reality. You keep thinking that you’re not supposed to have these thoughts and feelings and you fervently want to believe this to be true and some find that the more they try to convince themselves that this must be some kind of cosmic joke or mistake, the more they have the unacceptable truth smacking them about; additionally, they also know that while their mind is perfectly capable of creating “falsehoods,” their body isn’t so prone to lying because, ahem, it’s not as if you are not aware of what goes on inside you when you’re sexually (or even emotionally) aroused.
Not supposed to be happening… yet it is; which thing should be the most believable, accepted dogma or the evidence of your physical/emotional response? If that wasn’t bad enough, this question tends to pop up: “What am I supposed to do about this?”
This is the part where I once again say that the only thing you should do is accept that this is how you feel, even if you don’t quite understand why you’re in this situation as well as understanding that, sometimes, shit just strikes you for no reason you can put a finger one and that such a reason might take a while to surface… and it still might not make sense.
When I’ve been asked by those caught up in this WTF moment what they should do, I urge calm over panic – your brain doesn’t work well when panicky. Get a grip, chill, and start to think about what’s going on in your life that could account for this, ah, forbidden attraction and, here lately, that they should forget what they think they know and look to where the reality lives.. Yes, it’s a lot to ask of someone because, yep, finding that you’re experiencing same-sex arousal is one hell of a hit to one’s sensibilities. So instead of freaking out or, gasp, finding yourself in a weird rush to prove or disprove what you’re thinking/feeling, just stop, calm yourself, and think… then act if you must or if you can even act at all, which isn’t a given.
Don’t keep telling yourself that this can’t be happening or that what you’re experiencing isn’t real. Sure, if WTF happened once and only once, you could just chalk it up to one of those curveballs that life tosses at you… but if it keeps happening – and, please, keep in mind that reoccurrences aren’t consistent or predictable – well, it’s time for some answers and of the kind that no one else (and not even me) can provide. It’s time to question what you thought you knew about attraction because, um, if you happen to see a guy bending over to pick up something and you’re looking at his butt and you feel your cock stirring delightfully, yeah, what you think you know about attraction isn’t the whole truth.
So before you go make that therapy appointment, you can save yourself some time and money by saying something as simple as, “Okay, I don’t know why I’m feeling this way but I’m obviously feeling this and thinking about this shit so, damn, I need answers before something gets fucked up!” Some folks do get this worked out on their own, some don’t and need outside assistance – and there’s no shame in admitting that ya need a little help with this and if you find that professional help is needed, I’d suggest finding a professional who specializes in sexuality issues.
This WTF moment isn’t the end of the world; it doesn’t make you a perverted sinner or any other negative thing the dogma you believe in says should be applicable. You are, in fact, human and, duh, most certainly not the only person who has had one of these moments… and you sure as hell won’t be the last. Dealing with it calls for an intellectual approach, not an emotional one and developing an open mind would be very helpful while, once more for effect, understanding that you may or may not have an easy time explaining this WTF thing to yourself.
And if you can’t explain it to yourself, it’s a safe bet you won’t be able to explain it to anyone else so I wouldn’t worry about how other people are gonna react to this until you can answer your own questions and, yes, I am saying that one should not rush to come out to one and all; no sense in outing yourself and inviting more drama if this does turn out to be one of those random moments that do happen and which may not ever happen again.
Or you’re probably hoping that it’ll never happen again…