I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple of days, trying to take everything I’ve ever learned about this and sum it up in one, clear and expressively profound way… and I don’t think I’m quite there yet. I look at this aspect of human behavior from every perspective I can from the social to the religious, and right down to the sexual; it’s not quite headache producing but it’s as if what I’m looking for is right there, just out of my reach but I can see it.
One thinks about male bisexuality and it’s probably safe to say that one’s thoughts would automatically go to the sexual part of the word but perhaps not taking into consideration that our sexuality isn’t just about what two guys can do together but that it also includes – but does not replace – our desires to interact with women. I tell someone I’m bisexual and I can look at them and know what images are now racing through their brain – cock sucking, ass fucking perverts reminiscent of homosexual men of gay porn infamy… but they don’t really see the guy who so very much loves women and in all their beautiful insanity.
I know that my sexuality (and one I share with many men) isn’t all about what gets my dick hard and my juices flowing; it’s about what goes on in my head and how I comport myself as a person that matters the most, than I can be as bisexual as I am and it’s not immediately obvious; if you didn’t already know this about me, you’d never know it were I to be standing next to you minding my own business or or launching into a passionate discussion about the NFL or the best way to cook broccoli or even delivering a bit of little known trivia.
There is much angst about our invisibility, a concern over our unknown numbers and this very angst, along with a need to “blend in” seamlessly with our environment makes this invisibility a necessity because without it, some of us couldn’t function in our day-to-day world. We are feared more than homosexual men are and probably because (1) we are not so easily understood in our duality and (2) we can be right under your nose and you’d never know it; we are that thing that goes bump in the night, the monster under the bed or lurking in the darkness and, in some quarters, more of an abomination that homosexual men are.
But the essence of bisexuality doesn’t lie in what we do – it’s in how we go about doing whatever we do even when we’re not doing anything; again, it’s in how we carry ourselves, how we see our roles in the greater scheme of things and perhaps being examples that seek to debunk the myths and stereotypes that, on the one hand, contains elements of the truth while, on the other hand, doesn’t tell the whole truth or story of why there are men who are emotionally and/or physically disposed to interact in some way with both men and women…
And in a culture/society that seems to think that we should be completely heterosexual or homosexual. What I find odd and, often, amusing is that even homosexuals tend to behave and utilize the same standards that heterosexuals do, like monogamy and fidelity, for example while assuming that, as bisexuals, we do not and since we don’t appear to value those standards, there’s some… insistence that despite the duality of our sexuality, we behave and comport ourselves as if we were monosexual even though it’s kinda obvious that, um, bisexuals aren’t monosexual and that if we were, ah, er, we wouldn’t be bisexual.
The essence of bisexuality contains the ability, strength, and sense of purpose to remain true to what we are and in the face of the social pressure to be one way or the other, that displaying attributes from both of these worlds serves no real purpose other than upsetting the status quo and spitting in the face of that so-called natural order of things… but a natural order that has always included bisexuals.
It’s not an easy thing to define or to sum up; if it were so easily possible, this writing would have only been two or three sentences long and barely qualifying as a single paragraph. Even as bisexual men, we are diverse and not as uniform as the hype tends to suggest; some of us are very bisexual but, by choice, haven’t had the sex that we’re so infamous of embracing and even when we do indulge, not all of us consistently do all that can be done. If we were truly that uniform, bisexuality would, in and of itself, be pretty boring but it is our diversity as humans that makes being bisexual not so boring because like other humans, it’s about that which floats our respective boats.
The essence of bisexuality is that just like everyone else, we live, we love, and we most certainly lust but without drawing lines in the sand and understanding that even our way isn’t the only way to do things in life and that we lack the arrogance that makes others insist that their way is the only and best way to exist.
We are not better – we are just different; we see and even exist in that grey area that is presumed not to exist; the essence of bisexuality is the sure and certain knowledge that these things are not (and never have been) merely black or white or two-dimensional; it stands to reason that if, on the Kinsey Scale, heterosexuality is zero and homosexuality is six, um, there’s a lot between those two extremes.
The essence of bisexuality is that we exist between zero and six; we are both and neither – we know this, we accept this and life, such as it is, goes on…