Humans have drawn lines in the sand when it comes to sex and sexuality and there are lines within the lines and the world of male sexuality has created the additional lines known as top, bottom, and versatile. As I’ve written before, an ancient “program” is very much up and running – the male/dominant and female/submissive roles in sex and with versatility in this simply meaning that either role is just fine and dandy as long as there’s some sex jumping off.
I’ve mentioned many times before that I’ve been asked about my orientation within my orientation and I’m actually not of a mind to lay claim to any specific one since I’ve been on the top and bottom in things, which would, in this context, make me versatile… but I’ve always felt that I’m just simply whatever I want and/or need to be in any given situation. Now, these extra lines of division usually correlates to who is fucking whom and each role has solidified into a certain set of expected behaviors, like tops fuck but won’t be fucked, bottoms get fucked but never do any fucking.
Tops get their dicks sucked but aren’t inclined to suck dick while bottoms are the designated cock suckers but not always keen about having their meat eaten… and I’ve always wondered why these extra lines exist in the first place and why these specific roles within roles are the way they are… and the answers I’ve managed to glean are, at best, confusing and complicated.
Some of it is based on machismo and a weird frame of mind that tells a guy that having sex with another man isn’t gay if he’s running the show – getting his dick sucked and being able to fuck the other guy and without feeling any compunction or reason to reciprocate. At the other end, this is an emotionally based thing where, let’s say, a guy feels better about being very much in touch with his feminine side, preferring to be the object of another man’s list and pleasure more than having a desire (or even need) to be the one throwing the leg. The oddballs are versatile guys who are tops and bottoms either in the same sexual session or whatever the situation he’s in calls for – it just doesn’t make a difference.
In my opinion, while this seems to be all well and good – whatever floats your boat, homey – there’s a restrictive nature that seems to be inherent in taking a particular “position” and sticking with it where tops and bottoms are concerned and begs what I think is an interesting question: What happens when two tops or two bottoms get together?
What got me wondering about this was a conversation I read here on WordPress a few years ago where lesbians were talking about butches and femmes – the female versions of tops and bottoms – and their contention that a butch would never engage in sex with another butch and two femmes could never engage either. The discussion was spirited and I know those ladies were perplexed when I asked, “Why is that?”
They didn’t feel inclined to answer other than to say that this is just the way it is, leading me to the conclusion that even in the world of homosexual sex, we can’t seem to escape the yin and yang of sex – opposites attracts, similarities repel and just like magnets, well, except for really powerful magnets which will attract anything – but you know what I mean with this analogy.
When it comes to sexuality in general, we bitch and moan about being put into boxes and being expected to stay in whatever box one finds themselves in and with the thought that not staying in one’s assigned box can’t be done, you know, like you’re not allowed to change your mind. We just assume that once a bottom, always a bottom, just like we assume that there isn’t a single thing two tops could do for each other. Indeed, we see this same thing in men and women who insist that there ain’t a damned thing someone of the same sex as they are can do for them… which actually isn’t true since homosexuals (and bisexuals) most certainly do exist so, sure, there is something that can be done if one was inclined to find out.
Ya don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course, but where is it written or even implied that you can’t change your mind? We are, if nothing at all, creatures of habit; ask a top why he’d never be a bottom and I’m sure you’d hear quite a few reasons against assuming a role that, in all likelihood, they never actually assumed and if you really wanna have some fun at their expense, ask them why they’ve never given it a try.
The reason this gets my attention at the moment is that these lines within lines are responsible for a lot of sex not happening by placing our focus squarely on what we want as opposed to what can be done. I asked a top once why he wouldn’t allow himself to be topped and he said, “Because that shot hurts!” I pressed him by asking how he knew it hurt and he predictably said that guys he’d fucked said that it did; I pissed him off by asking if he knew that for a fact, forcing him to admit that he didn’t and then administering the coupe de grace by asking, “Then how do you know you wouldn’t like it?”
Yeah, I just fuck with people at times but the question is valid and that we do, for some reason, prefer to get into a box and stay there and accepting that once there, we can’t leave… or we shouldn’t leave. Now, it must be said that there are tops who suck dick, just like there are bottoms who like to be sucked silly and versatile guys really embody the definition of the word used to describe them – if the offer in the table is some mutual masturbation, that works.
Is this really important? Yes and no; we want what we want and in the way we want it and we like what we like but the path to eliminating the mistrusts and stereotypes that also draws lines in the sand is to speak to the subject and try to show that bisexuality isn’t as homogenous, across the board, or even as mindless and indiscriminate as some may think because there is method behind the madness…