The hardest thing to do being a bi guy isn’t sucking dick and swallowing; it’s not fucking a guy or being fucked. It’s not even keeping the secret of being bisexual in the first place.
It’s finding a suitable guy to have sex with.
The perception is that we will fall into bed with any guy who’s willing; the truth is that we can be even funnier about who we sleep with as some women can be. Today, there are a gazillion websites for guys looking to have sex with other guys; these sites are populated by impatient predators, those dudes who don’t want to waste any time getting to know you as a person and dudes who assume that if you’re listed on that site, then you are expected and required to give up the dick/ass immediately if not sooner and without question.
Such sites are also populated by men who can talk a good game… and that’s about it. Some might even agree to a meet, only to back out at the last possible moment and, usually, with an excuse that’s so transparently lame it ain’t even funny. Also among the membership are those guys who are very picky and, often, prohibitively so, as if they’ve deliberately specified a set of criteria that no man will be able to meet. These are also the guys who tend to rant and rave about how stupid it is of be on a site full of so many cocks and asses but not be able to get laid while not even thinking about the fact that by mandating so many specifics, they’ve automatically eliminated every man on the site from consideration.
There are the guys who almost desperately want some man sex, like some first timers who want their first experience to be good and memorable; they’re not exactly looking for a romantic relationship but perhaps more of a FWB kind of thing and that requires a lot of communication that most men on such sites just don’t want to get into since, um, when we want sex, we want it now, not days, weeks, or even months from now.
The instant gratification mindset doesn’t help; the arrogant rudeness of some guys doesn’t help; being extra picky doesn’t help and the thing that causes some men issues is that one can get so frustrated looking for the right guy that they’ll either take the next available offer or just give up any hope of ever getting some dick.
A guy asked, in the bisexual forum I’ve been participating in, if there’s some trick to finding the right guy and if there is one, it’s being patient, exercising good judgement and in the best way one can since most contacts are sight unseen – the other guy is just a picture and words in a profile. Being too specific doesn’t really help as much as one thinks it does; if you sign up looking for guys no smaller than eight inches, uncut, no body hair, not of African-American descent but not Caucasian, married no less than five years, and won’t want to fuck you but is willing to be fucked by you, won’t want you to swallow sperm but should swallow yours, is not too feminine but not alpha male masculine, doesn’t live too close but not too far away, er, what are your chances of finding exactly what you’re looking for… and in an environment that assumes that every man there is into everything that can be done and that every man there is fair game?
Oh, and we can’t forget about something that makes women very unhappy and distrustful of us, that bad habit we have of telling someone what they wanna hear and not meaning a single word of it so we can sex you to our satisfaction but not necessarily the other guy’s.
If you go and sign up somewhere looking for a guy who isn’t gonna treat you like a piece of ass, sure, he’s there… somewhere; the funny thing is that if you’ve got a very specified taste in men, chances are good that the guy who’d treat you right is the guy you’ve already decided wasn’t your type of guy. If you sign up looking for guys who wanna date, they’re there, too… somewhere; as an unspoken rule, guys don’t date guys – we meet somewhere, get naked, have sex, go on about our business. Oh, we will hang out; go have a beer, catch a game, lend a hand working on the car or truck but dating?
We might go into this thinking, “How hard can this be?” – and then find out that it’s harder than we could have imagined, even if you find that you live in a target-rich environment, oh, like Atlanta or San Francisco. We learn rather quickly that while there are guys who want what we want, we don’t all want it in precisely compatible ways. As we tend to do with women, we can be about what we can see more than we are about the quality of the guy we wanna have sexy with and, thus, often learn the hard way that just because he looked good didn’t mean he was, in fact, as good as he looked.
We learn that we’re not as like-minded about this as perception suggests we are, just like we learn that if we thought it difficult to get into a woman’s panties, it’s even harder to get into a guy’s boxers at times. We understand that accepting our sexuality and its accompanying desires is a lot easier than following through on them.