Yeah, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Let’s get to today’s thought before I forget it…
“How do I have my first time?” It’s a question many budding bisexuals ask and, usually, the question should be, “Who can I have my first time with?” – but since the question is usually one of how and ‘how’ is a doing kind of thing, the second thing one should do (with the first being deciding they want to do it) is to suspend their belief in everything they’ve been taught about sex, how to have it, and who to have it with.
It occurred to me that many first timers never get to have that first time because our social and moral conditioning can’t be bypassed. They know, with a very high degree of certainty, that they want to take the plunge; they’ve dreamt about it, have thought about the pros and cons over and over, and the siren call to action is maddeningly overpowering and while you’d think that the primary stumbling block would be finding a kindred soul to, ah, swim with, our social and moral conditioning is quite powerful.
Some actually find that person to have that first time with and… nothing happens. No, it’s not cowardice, not really fear in the sense we understand fear… but unless the budding bisexual can suspend their beliefs, they’ll not only get cold feet but it’ll feel as if someone poured liquid nitrogen all over their tootsies. We are taught and made to believe that homosexual sex should never be done for any reason or circumstance which, of course, is totally contrary to what one is feeling about this and I’ll take a moment to point out that the conditioning against this sexual behavior says it shouldn’t be done, not that it can’t be done and there’s a very important distinction here.
While some can suspend their beliefs long enough to dive in, it’s not as easy as it may sound because, as even I learned, there always that voice bitching at you and reminding you that going down on that guy (or that gal) is forbidden, sinful, against all the rules, so on and so forth and it took me a very long time to learn how to put a gag on that voice so it would stop fucking with me so I could suck that dick or whatever else I was doing that the voice was telling me I shouldn’t be doing.
How does one go about suspending their belief? Damned if I know! Belief is such a personal thing and if there’s a one size fits all, surefire way to effect suspension, I’m not aware of it. I suspended mine with a “simple” question: If I’m not supposed to do it, why do I want to do it… and keep doing it? For me, it was an intellectual exercise and a lesson in logic and the more I questioned what I believed – and I mean seriously questioning it including why I believed what I believed – the more I was able to suspend my beliefs… because what I believed didn’t match up with the reality of the situation.
Bye-bye, beliefs; see ya after I’m done…
Would this work for someone else? I dunno but what I do know is that many who have successfully taken the plunge has managed to suspend their beliefs in order to act upon their feelings. Remember back a few paragraphs when I said there’s an important distinction between shouldn’t be done and can’t be done? People should never run with scissors, right? But people do it. People should never tempt fate but we do that every day, don’t we? We even get hit with a bit of a contradiction: We shouldn’t take risks… but many of us hold true to the axiom of nothing ventured, nothing gained.
We’re also told to never question what is… but part of suspending belief works like this: Why is it okay for “Martha” to suck “Ed’s” cock… but it’s not okay for “Dave” to give head to “Ed?” The answer is because we are told that it’s not okay and while most of accept this without question (and as we’ve been told to), all it does is beg another question: “But, why?” And here’s the kicker: None of what we believe changes the fact that people have been doing it all along, does it?
It begs a controversial question: Are folks like me just totally devoid of morality… or is what we believe not really the truth of things? This’ll fuck with your head big time because you’re now questioning millennia of belief and social conditioning and doing so invokes a “war” between one’s emotions and their intellect, which is evidenced when someone says, “Yeah, I know people are into that shit, but…”
But what? But that shit ain’t normal or natural? Not the way sex is supposed to happen? And, yet another kicker, if any of this is, in fact, true, um, why are so many people either thinking about doing it, let alone actually doing it? Is is actually possible that several billion people are dead wrong about this… or is it more of a possibility that what we believe isn’t the whole truth?
Of course, dear readers, you’d have to make up your own minds about such things; my “job” is to shed some light on the subject and to attempt to answer the question of why people are bisexual, what goes on inside one’s head when they have to answer the question, “Do I really want to do this?” or, classically, “How can I do this?”