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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Trending?

20 Dec

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/08/why-straight-men-have-sex-with-each-other.html

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/12/why-straight-rural-men-have-gay-bud-sex-with-each-other.html?mid=facebook_nymag

When Cityman and I chat, we often discuss articles like the ones I’ve listed, above, and it seems to me that the authors of these pieces seem to be… surprised that there’s a growing number of men who are not homosexual diving into the same-sex end of the pool but not adopting the bisexual label.  Perhaps the authors see this as some kind of new trend but when I read these things, nah, this isn’t close to being a new kind of trend.

Then again, I’ve been around for a few and perhaps a bit longer than those respected authors, which is why I don’t see any of this as “earth-shattering” news because regardless of the motivation, boys will be boys after all.  Cityman likes to cite a need for our society to step up and shed its cloak of prudish naivety en masse and that’ll never happen overnight; I point out to him that despite the stigma and negativity displayed by society at large about this subject, every single day, there are two men who are discovering that a bro job or some other similar activity isn’t all that bad of a thing and, importantly, their sense of masculinity – as well as their lust for women – isn’t negatively impacted.

Cityman asks (and rhetorically) why more men aren’t being open about their desires in this – I guess he surmises that if more men stand up and raise their hands about this, society might see the writing on the wall and be more accepting… and perhaps he’s right but, again, I don’t see a wholesale acceptance happening any time soon.  Still, the question remains valid and I’ve felt that more men would embrace and admit to an occasional taste for dick if they could do so without automatically being labeled as homosexual… or even bisexual.  Cityman opines that buds who throw down with each other is just a part of male bonding and I tend to agree; the authors of the articles also note a closeness that is a bit more than being friends but not relational in the traditionally accepted sense.

They cite fulfilling a need but not necessarily a need based upon a lack of female interaction, pointing out that many buds who might throw down with each other do, in fact, have zero issues with female interaction. If it is true that only a woman knows what a woman needs, can it also be true where men are concerned?  Another thought is that two buds will get busy (if the need arises) but not see the sex as being gay – that’s a bit of a dodge since, technically, it is homosexual sex but the semantics are rather pointed; if “Sam” and “Phil” are close buds and close enough that sex can be initiated, if neither guy sees what they do as being gay, then it isn’t gay.  Such a school of thought is important when it comes to maintaining one’s sense of being male and masculine and is very much in line with aspects of thug mentality, i.e., it’s not unmanly to have sex with a guy who is close to you, thus avoiding the perception of being feminine.

Indeed, the authors interviewed guys who said that not being seen as effeminate is a great determining factor and quite a few of them didn’t exactly have any “love” for effeminate men or if you act like a man in any of this, it’s all good.  Some might see this mindset as a slap in the face of effeminate gay men but it isn’t; if anything, it’s trying to put some distance between themselves and those aforementioned effeminate gay men.  The “statement” could be put like this:  It’s okay if Sam and Phil want to blow each other into orgasmic bliss as long as they aren’t acting girly about it.

No offense or condemnation is meant to women or effeminate gay men but when you ask the question of why two straight dudes would do such a thing, well, this is just one of the answers that tend to surface upon further review.  It is, if anything, an issue of trust between our mythical buds, Sam and Phil, and a trust they’ve developed over the duration of their friendship.  Again, it’s not a relationship in the traditional sense; Sam and Phil aren’t likely to want to forego or swear off women and start playing house with each other… but their friendship and closeness sets the table for some sexual interaction and I’ll use the word “situationally” here (and because I can’t think of another word that fits right now).

If they’re hanging out and horny and they explicitly trust each other, well, um, why wait to tap the tuna at some future point when they can satisfy that need with each other?  Nothing really wrong with a bud helping out another bud, right?  Besides, I won’t tell if you won’t; it doesn’t mean I’m in love with you or that I hate women (or whatever) but, yeah, I do trust you and our closeness – you wanna go first or what?

As I point out to Cityman, if Sam and Phil can spend X-amount of time, say, sucking each other off, be discrete about it and retain their individual senses of masculinity, well, why not go for it?  It may sound too simple and maybe a bit preposterous… but it does happen – it’s always happened – and, yep, a lot of guys get into this with a friend who is very close to them.  Doesn’t mean that Sam or Phil are gonna go on a cock sucking rampage with any man they come across; it’s just a recognition of their friendship and closeness and that makes whatever they might do with each other something special and unique to their friendship.

Nothing to see here, folks – just two buds being close buds, that’s all – move along, move along.  If there is a trend here – and I don’t believe there is – it’s that more men are discovering that they can be like this with a close bud and it’s no big deal- it’s not as if they’re gay.  Call it convenience, being opportunistic, or even a genuine display of the affection they have for each other… but don’t call it unusual or trendy because it’s neither thing – it’s just more in the limelight today than it’s been at any other time.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on 20 December 2016 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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3 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Trending?

  1. Cityman

    21 December 2016 at 14:28

    Thanks for the shout out, my friend. Very insightful piece, and one that makes me wonder what role gender inequality plays in society’s fierce policing of m2m sex – both in terms of the fear of being cast as being femme for engaging in homosexual sex, and also the red-blooded masculine heterosexual standard that women expect of men. We view femininity to any small degree in men as an abomination, and we’re all aware of the double standard of bisexuality (women are allowed and encouraged to indulge, men are castigated as pariahs for doing so). Men will have sex with men if it doesn’t affect their social capital and privilege, and if their bro is masculine and can keep a secret. Anything to avoid guilt by association with feminine men. But when two masculine buds are horny and have just as much to lose between them in terms of stature, then it’s game on. And doesn’t m2m sex promote gender equality by giving men tremendous insight into what our women go through with us? How can this be a bad thing, unless society (including women) is more inclined to preserve male dominance over women?

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      21 December 2016 at 14:52

      At a high level of thought, gender inequality has nothing to do with this; the double standard that says it’s okay for “Gwen” and “Sharon” to make love to each other even if involved with men – but dead wrong for “Sam” and “Phil” to engage in a similar way – has nothing to do with this.

      If anything, these two things (and a slew more) are convenient justifications for doing something that some men have been doing quite naturally and merely because of the depth of their friendship.

      Morality prohibits this and tries to keep things between “Gwen” and “Sam” but does not take into account how deeply intimate friendship can be and what two friends could be willing to do for and with each other.

      Now, are there lessons we – men – can learn that can shed light onto why women behave the way they do? You bet your ass there are! This isn’t a rebellion against women although some men use this as an excuse or justification for getting that taste of dick. It’s my opinion that what’s being seen as a possible trend just isn’t a trend; it’s something that men have been known to do and this is becoming a lot more visible; the bromance isn’t really the joke everyone seems to think it is, after all.

      Like

       
    • kdaddy23

      21 December 2016 at 15:03

      Crap… “male dominance over women…” – really? Seriously? Society seeks to maintain the status quo and, specifically, one man/one woman and any deviation from this is greatly frowned upon. If anything, society seeks to maintain the illusion of order in a chaotic system…

      Yet, despite the restrictions, the prohibitions, the social angst and, yes, even the irrational fears, “Sam” and “Phil,” purely based on the depth of their friendship with each other, can find reason to provide sexual succor to each other, without their masculinity feeling threatened and not dampening their lust and desire for women.

      Male dominance my left nut…; that’s patriarchal claptrap…

      Like

       

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