Kinda on a roll! After my last post, my mind was going over the stuff that keeps a guy who wants to dive in from diving in; as I wrote, that’s a lot of stuff to think about. Anyway, the one thing that stood out in my mind was reading forum posts written by guys who do, in fact, know what they want to and even who (read this as type of guy) they wanna get busy with… but there’s a perceived roadblock.
These guys pretty much say that while they want to have sex with other men in some way, the thing keeping them on the sidelines is believing they couldn’t have a relationship with another guy. And, yes, those of you who’ve read my brain farts have seen me write, “Who says you must have a relationship?”
While there are those who insist that a relationship is fairly mandatory, it isn’t; that’s something borne out of our social conditioning and the part that says that if you’re not in a relationship with someone, you shouldn’t have sex with them. And, while this seems to be morally correct, um, what gets overlooked is the fact that, perhaps, thousands of men and more are having sex with other guys and having a relationship be damned.
In most situations, all some guys want to do is find someone agreeable, go somewhere, and get it on… then “pack up” and go home – the classic one night stand. It makes sense that if women aren’t fond of this, there are men who are equally not fond of the ONS because it tends to make one feel cheap, used, and unwanted after the fact. We see ourselves as more than a piece of ass, more than a sexual object and, truth be told, we are, indeed, much more than this… and exactly that, too.
Ah… I can hear you disagreeing with this and if you are disagreeing, perhaps you don’t know as much about human nature as you think you do. Even I learned that what I might think about this doesn’t reflect a certain reality, that being everything about us was evolutionarily designed for sexual attraction, from the homeliest to the most beautiful.
A guy I know was recently telling me about a problem he’s been seeing, i.e., guys he’s been getting busy with not only making demands on his time but getting pissy about him seeing other men; while this guy isn’t looking for exclusivity with anyone, just because he’s not of a mind to get “tied down” with one guy doesn’t mean the other guys aren’t looking to be exclusive to and with him.
I opined to him that while it takes a certain mindset to be able to step out of the box and be bisexual, there’s something most cannot get away from: The need to be monogamous and, excuse me, more so when the dick/ass is so damned good.
In a way, this is what I’d call an occupational hazard, something that can happen given how people tend to think about such things. If you find a guy you resonate with and the sex is good, it just makes sense that you’d want more of it and, then, keep it all to yourself if you can. Some guys want to avoid this situation because it can get messy and there aren’t many people who can deal with more than one relationship at a time (if the guy in question happens to already be in a relationship).
Ideally, to avoid the perils associated with this kind of sex, you find one guy, prove him safe to have sex with, and stick with him and even insist that he not see anyone else… except, this forms an exclusive relationship – and I’m not talking about falling in love here – and to those guys who see an inability to have a relationship with a man as an even bigger roadblock, well, you can probably see how this will make a guy hesitate to do what he knows he wants and needs to do.
What’s the solution? There is one… but most might not find it easy to implement: The solution is to find a way to disassociate sex and relationships in one’s mind for this setting and to understand that while these two things work well together, the relationship side isn’t always needed for two guys to get together and bust some nuts. One must also stop seeing the one night stand as a bad thing; a lot of guys hook up for as long as it takes to, say, suck each other off – perhaps a half hour or less. Why? Sometimes, their situation only allows for short and quick encounters and this can be true for any Friends With Benefits thing that could be established.
Some guys can do this; some can’t – oddly, their sense of morality says [again] that without a relationship in place, sex isn’t possible, a bit of a weird thought given that what they want to do is considered to be immoral, huh?