Even when I don’t visit the site/forum for bisexual men that was recommended to me some time ago, I get an email every time someone posts a new topic and I’m seeing a lot of new guys joining the forum and asking the question you see in the title of this scribbling. The new guys are sharing some history, saying a few words about their desires, questioning why they’re having these desires, and some are mentioning what they think they’d like to experience as well as asking the membership for advice.
When these guys ask, “What should I do?” they’re not asking about whether they should suck dick or engage in anal sex, mutual masturbation, etc.; they’re basically asking if it’s wise, prudent, or foolhardy to step to the edge of the deep end and drop in. Given that some of the men asking this question are married or otherwise hooked up, wow, talk about being between a rock and a hard place! The membership almost universally advises these men to not cheat on their partner and many of these engaged men do ask how they can realize their desires without cheating. To this, there’s only one answer: Get permission… and good luck with that.
For the guys who are unencumbered, it’s my thought that the reason why they can’t answer this question on their own is due to social implications – what would people say/think if they found out “Brad” had decided to go on a wild cock sucking spree? And, yes, some guys have asked if there’s anyway to do these things without anyone finding out that they’re doing them; the answer is that it is possible but the longer they stay in the pool and get away from the edge they once stood upon, the greater the chance that, eventually, someone will find or figure out that they’re in the pool.
Chances are also good that someone you know – and someone who is also looking to play with dick – will discover you, which can be awkward… or not. The fear of exposure is very real and it can root a man looking to explore these feeling in place as they imagine every worst case scenario their minds can conjure. Yet, they keep asking the question and, at least from my point of view, justifiably so: No one who has experienced the strong pull toward bisexuality might not understand how powerful that pull can be. I’ve said to some of these guys that if you can’t figure out how to jump in without “drowning,” don’t jump in at all; I’ve seen, way too many times, where a guy couldn’t figure this out, jumped in anyway, and paid a heavy price.
The question is one of, “Do I dare do this or not?” when the question they should be asking is how they can do this; the bad part is that there’s no one-size-fits-all answer – everyone’s situation isn’t the same and there’s a mind-numbing amount of stuff that one has to process while modeling in their minds a lot of situations that may or may not present themselves. It’s no wonder why these men ask this question and wind up being cemented in place at the edge of the pool – this is just too much information to think about. And, yes, it’s also why some guys who get overwhelmed with all this thinking winds up saying, “Fuck it…” and jumps in anyway to either sink or swim.
Some guys share that they’re not sure if they could suck a dick or take a hard one in the butt; comparatively speaking, that’s the least of their issues because one can learn to do these things… but if you don’t have a plan, well, um, you might find yourself being fucked and not in the good way you may have wanted. Now, I don’t want anyone reading this to assume that diving in without a plan will always end in disaster; some guys do take that leap of faith, sans plan, and do quite well.
Sigh. I sit and read these particular forum posts and to read how frustrated these men are just makes me shake my head sadly. In all the times a guy has asked me this question, my response always begins with, “What do you want to do?” and, at some point, “How do you think you can accomplish this?” – and that’s the tough question and one that can take a lot of time to answer because their whole environment has to be dissected and examined very closely. The compulsion to, say, suck a dick for the first time, again, is damned powerful and to the point where it can make a guy impatient and impulsive; to hell with the details and less talk, more action… and I’ve found myself telling them that, sure, you could just do it but, ah, what if…?
Then consider this: No plan survives first contact – a military euphemism that’s quite applicable in this. Basically, it means that you can craft a plan of action and one that, “on paper” is brilliant… but can fall apart when executed and catastrophically so and now you’re working on the fly – sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t so, at least in my opinion, you don’t need one plan – you need several of them and created by playing the “what if ” game and as I’ve pointed out already, it’s not easy and it’s frustrating, time-consuming, etc..
These days, my answer to this question is, “Think first, then act if you must… or can.”