From time to time, I think about the emotions in play when a guy (or even a gal) is on the verge of stepping off the edge of the pool and into the deep end and, today, the emotion that came to mind is trepidation.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines trepidation as, “a nervous or fearful feeling of uncertain agitation” and there’s nothing that fits this description more than knowing with a great deal of certainty that you want to take that first time plunge but also wondering if you’re really doing the right thing. For the record, you can be quite experienced at this and still run into moments where trepidation arrives to sit on your shoulder and poke you with cold fingers.
On the one hand, “Bruce” knows and has, in his own way, proven to himself that he wants – no, needs – to have the sexual experience of sucking another man’s dick and being sucked in return. There’s no way to really explain how “Bruce” knows this with such a high degree of certainty but what causes the trepidation is the sure and certain knowledge that he’s not supposed to even think about engaging in any kind of sex with a man.
The social implications are daunting and more so should friends/family were to ever discover that “Bruce” even has these illicit desires, let alone contemplating doing something about them. This source of trepidation is bad enough, but not as bad as the trepidation our hypothetical guy is feeling about whether or not he can actually go through with this and enjoy it as much as he’s probably done within the privacy of his thoughts.
It makes sense in that how can one be sure that they’re going to enjoy something they’ve actually never done for real? Yes, you can, indeed, run multiple and probable scenarios in your head; you can research this kind of sex from a lot of perspectives and sources and, as such, you can assure yourself that, yeah, whenever I get around to doing this – and the sooner, the better – it’s gonna be enjoyable. Hell, you can even assign percentages based on whatever information you’ve gathered, oh, like, there’s a 95% chance that it will be enjoyable.
You still have to actually do it, though and more trepidation comes to visit because there is still a chance that the pooch will get screwed and definitely not in a good way because, invariably, Bruce’s thoughts are going to turn to every possible thing that can go wrong, from getting caught in the act to having the proof that what he thought was gonna be the rush of a lifetime was, in fact, worse than his worst nightmare.
Trepidation will make a guy (or a gal) keep their toes out of these waters; being overly nervous about stepping (or diving) in right up to being agitated because they’ve become indecisive – do I do this thing… or don’t I? Again, on the one hand, the need to do this is powerful but getting up the nerve to do it – and then worrying about how it’ll all turn out and the social implications can freeze one in place and frustratingly so.
How does our hypothetical guy handle this? He’d have to trust himself and no matter what his “gut” is telling him. Sure, he’d have to develop a level of trust in the other guy and he’d better have a set of plans in place to deal with the consequences of his actions. To that end, I’ve seen guys say, “Fuck it…” and dive in despite the trepidation; I’ve also seen them say those exact words… and stay out of the water.
You can be experienced in this and there’s still a bit of trepidation in play because, well what you wanna do involves another person and people aren’t always so easily predictable and it doesn’t take a whole lot for a situation to experience a turn for the worst. Even the most experienced guy (or gal) understands that there are just too many variables in play or, as someone once told me, the moment of absolute certainty never arrives. Then, in the face of this, it’s all about doing everything you can humanly do to achieve the desired outcome… or not doing anything at all… then being agitated over the consequences of your inactions.
Even better, the wise words of Jedi Master Yoda: “Do or do not – there is no try.”