One of the things that can upset a guy who’s gone into the deep end of the pool is a particular feeling of… being girly. Okay, the disclaimer is that there is absolutely, positively no offense meant to any women; if it’s anything, it’s an acknowledgment that as men, we can get a serious taste of what we put women through when we wanna insert A into B, C, or D and, in particular, how disturbing this can potentially be.
I know I’ve felt it and, yes, when I first felt it, it was quite disturbing, taking what should have been a rather pleasurable moment and chucking it out of a window. I’ve learned that this feeling can strike at any time… but not before the fact for some reason I’ve never figured out although I suspect that the fog of lust might have something to do with this. I’ve been in the middle of blowing a guy and I’ve felt it and have been in process of being screwed and felt it and, as mentioned, wow, it’s such a powerfully disturbing feeling and more so since it tends to land on you unexpectedly and it’s like throwing a lot of water on a fire.
Like, once, I was with one of the guys and after loading up his butt, it was his turn to do some loading… and it was feeling really good right up to about a whole second after I felt him swell and explode in my butt. My thoughts went from, “Ah, that’s what I was waiting for!” to, “You know, he just shot his stuff in you like you were a girl!”
The bad part is that, again, this feeling can strike at any moment – I’ve felt it being screwed but before the guy cums so it’s not exactly what I’d call an afterthought. I was once happily sucking away on a guy and that feeling struck and strongly enough that I actually stopped what I was doing. At first, I chalked it up to a guilty conscience; I wasn’t supposed to be doing this with a dude and my mind wasn’t having any issues with reminding me about that. After a while, though, I wasn’t so sure that this feeling was an outgrowth of guilt… but I’ve never figured out exactly what’s up with this – and, after a while, you just kinda learn to ignore it.
But some guys can’t deal with it and whenever someone has asked me how to deal with this awful feeling, my first response is to shrug because I’ve come to believe that there’s no way to totally eliminate it and more so when it tends to show up sporadically. But a shrug isn’t an answer, is it, and I’ve found myself trying to put a more appropriate answer out there without sounding like an idiot in the process… and I’ve not always been successful and I’ve found myself replying, “If you can, just don’t pay any attention to it; when you feel it, just shove it to the side and if you need to, address it later…”
Because one can have this feeling isn’t a reflection or bad mark against their perceived masculinity but, damn, I’ve come to understand that perhaps this is the social conditioning against such sexual behavior rising up and reminding those of us who feel it that we shouldn’t be doing what we’re already doing. The rule is men are never to find themselves sucking cock or being fucked and inseminated… but the reality says something else, doesn’t it?
Logically, it doesn’t make sense: If you’re doing it with a guy, it’s because you wanted to but if ya wanted to, why does this feeling say otherwise? Emotionally, eh, maybe it is guilt over blatantly going against the rules of male behavior: We should be the ones getting sucked and the ones doing all the fucking… right? I’ve felt that this is another one of those moments when one’s intelligence isn’t quite standing up to what the emotions are saying… and for some men, this mental clusterfuck is enough to make them get out of the pool and never return.
It’s enough to make a guy indulge in some major second guessing of their motives and actions and can even make them question their overall sanity. Hell, I’m feeling kinda silly just trying to explain what this feels like; it’s just intangible enough that the only word that can describe it is feeling “girly” or, crudely, that “bitch feeling.” It’s one of those things where what we know is one thing but, again, the reality is so very different and totally contradicts that which we know.
I dunno. This popped into my head and y’all know this blog is about whatever happens to drop in for a visit. I do know that this feeling can either make a guy revel in such forbidden sex… or recoil in horror. You don’t have to have sex with a guy to have this feeling land on you; if you’ve ever had a guy try to pick you up and talk his way into you boxers, instead of ignoring it or looking at him like he’s crazy, you might find yourself suddenly thinking, “This dude ismteying to pick me up and take me somewhere to have sex with me!”
It might be flattering and it could be disconcerting to know some dude is running pickup lines on you… and maybe even similar to the way you try them out on women. As men, we are supposed to be the “sexual hunters” out there trying to capture female prey… but the reality is that while we might think of ourselves as hunters, we, too, can be the hunted, again taking what we know – boys are supposed to chase girls, catch them (if we can) and screw them – and kicking it to the curb because, um, boys do chase boys, catches them if they can, and screw them or otherwise spill sperm with them.
Maybe the girly feeling is a response to being successfully hunted and captured? I dunno… I just know the feeling exists and that I’m not the only bi guy who has ever felt it; I know I’ve heard other guys describe it almost precisely as I’ve felt it even thought who we react and respond to the feeling can be different.
Perhaps this feeling can strike because we now have a better understanding about the whole sex thing, that reveling in the pleasures of sucking cock and/or being screwed is much more universal than we’ve been taught, that while having sex is almost always seen as a gender thing, it really isn’t? And that feeling is merely a wake up call, an indication that we’ve woken up and are smelling the coffee…