In comments to “TBT: That Damned Feeling,” littleone suggested that a source of said feeling might come from objectification and submission on our part as bisexual men… and these two things just might play into it as our actions conflict with our sense of self.
So… you think of a bisexual man and if you’re like most people, the first thing that might come to mind is cock sucking and butt fucking; I’ve observed that most people tend to forget or overlook the fact that we like pussy, too. Because we do, we find ourselves in a rather unique situation, i.e., we can be subjected to the same same sexual focus that we apply to women, from being hunted, cornered, slathered with copious amounts of bullshit, and if the hunter is successful, convinced that submitting to the sex is a great idea for one and all.
“Normally,” being the hunted isn’t the status quo for us in this arena but the moment we step into the ring (euphemistically speaking) we’re actually “agreeing” to the terms and conditions of the hunt. Now, a lot of guys jump in with the thought that their role of hunter is confirmed and locked in place and not subject to change or, once a top, always a top. In some tops I’ve talked to, to be made to submit to sucking dick and being fucked is out of the question and should never be suggested…
And probably because in the back of their mind, this would feminize them and that threatens their sense of masculinity. Thus, it never crosses their mind that they can be the hunted, that some guy can’t come along and, literally, get him to submit to the female sexual role… and that damned feeling can pop in for a visit and perhaps more so when the guy who submitted to this strange role actually enjoyed it.
Tops aren’t the only hunters – bottoms are hunters, too, except they’re usually hunting for guys they can submit to sexually; being objectified and subject to submission fits their mindset rather nicely… even though their personality isn’t what anyone would call feminine. I know some very masculine guys who just live to be on the receiving end only and, yup, even they’ve told me that they’ve had moments where they feel really “girly.”
Submission. Not exactly like the D/s subculture but when “Al” agrees to have sex with “Hank,” it’s an act of submission for both men, effectively consenting to whatever sexual act has been bargained for and subjecting each other to their lusts. Sucking cock has always been seen as a submissive act by the person doing it but the person being sucked is also submitting. If Al wants Hank to play hide the sausage, not only is Al submitting to act but by giving him what he wants, Hank is submitting to Al’s desires.
Yeah, this shit get complicated like you wouldn’t believe.
Objectification. It’s the bane of a woman’s existence, isn’t it? But as bi (or even gay) men, we get subjected to that same objectification and while some guys get off at being the subject of another man’s lust, wow, it can invoke that damned feeling to know that the guy sitting across from you is doing all he can to get you naked and subject you to his lust… and by any means fair or foul. It can be thrilling to have game being kicked at you… and emotionally disturbing because you’re now enduring a form of predation that women are very familiar with. Whether the hunter is successful or not isn’t really at issue – but the fact that men can be objectified as sexual prey by other men is at issue and as a lot of us can attest to, it’s not always a pleasant feeling… even if we’re agreeable to the proposition of sex.
Then it becomes a matter of how one deals with the feeling if it should show up. Some guys don’t handle it well while some just shake it off and keep moving. Some, perhaps like myself, try to nail down the source and the reason for this feeling; I’d hazard a guess and say that as some point, we arrive at an answer that allows our minds to be okay about being in a sexual role where you could be “the girl” in the proceedings. I know I’ve felt it… and I’ve told it to go away and leave me along until I finish sucking this dick and emptying the owner’s balls – can’t you see I’m busy? I’ve seen the feeling stop guys dead in their tracks like a bad dose of coitus interuptus; I’ve seen this feeling make guys turn down what might have been a pleasing sexual experience because of that damned feeling making itself known.
It can make a guy question whether or not jumping in bed with another guy is really the right thing to do if doing so is going to evoke such a strong feeling. Yes, even as men, we can be objectified and made to submit (not in a forced or coerced way, mind you) because sex is a thing of give and take; there’s a dominant role and a submissive one, roles that are interchangeable, and each role brings certain emotions to the table that are really occupational hazards; if you agreed to the sex, then objectification and submission will be satisfied.
If anyone has a better explanation, I’d welcome it because, if nothing else, it’ll help a lot of bi guys deal with the emotions of being bisexual.