I was checking my email when this invaded my thoughts and probably because I haven’t quite finished my first cup of coffee. For whatever reason, my brain formulated a question: What bothers newbie bi guys and makes them reluctant to take that leap? My brain, helpful critter it can be, supplied the answer: Romance.
I’ve seen men write about their new, strange feelings; some are surprised that after years of consorting with women, they now have a rather powerful urge to straddle the fence and check out the action with men in some form. Some of these guys wind up postponing their leap, refusing to take that first step until they can locate someone they can be into, eschewing casual sex hookups because – and I’m kinda guessing (not enough coffee yet) that it’s because casual sex is said to have no real value or merit.
Some guys get shackled by the scary notion that in order for them to follow through with whatever’s on their mind about this, oh, hell, no, a romantic entanglement is gonna happen and those guys almost unilaterally say that they have no interest in dating other men or even getting romantically involved even if they’re single. I sit and read their concerns as well as talk to my “protege,” Cityman, about this aspect and while he’s fine with establishing friendships and doesn’t say that anything more romantic is impossible, he’s not exactly of a mind to “settle down” with some handsome hunk and play house.
While the first hints of caffeine were hitting my system to clear away the cobwebs, I found myself thinking about “hearts, not parts,” a kind of mantra being expressed by some in newer bisexual circles and one that makes me roll my eyes even though I understand what they’re saying about this and how important it is to some… but as I usually say about this, not many bisexuals dive blindly into the sex that’s possible without considering the person – or people – they want to have this sex with or, eventually, wind up getting busy with. To go charging in without giving the other guy a good look is kinda crazy although,admittedly, some guys will bypass the getting to know you first part and go for what they know because as far as they’re concerned, getting to know the other guy first is a complete waste of time that could be put to better use fornicating.
Is romance a necessary motivator, a mandatory prerequisite to stripping down and handle the business of making hard dicks soft again? That depends on the individual guy and what other needs he has outside of the physical ones. Because a lot of this seems to be borne out of a need for instant gratification, anything that looks like romance is to be avoided; for one, romance takes time – like days, weeks, or months – and a blowjob takes a lot less time while, on the other hand, there are a lot of bi guys who just do not want to find themselves being labeled as gay because they’re becoming an item with a good fuck/suck/jerk buddy. While some men bask in the heady rush of multiple male partners, some would prefer not to bed-hop and find one compatible fella and, at the very least, establish a Friends With Benefits setting. Now, at least in my mind, FWB is a mode of relationship and one that, in theory, lacks the deeper emotional connection that is the hallmark of traditional-style relationships.
Or, “Ralph” might love having sex with “Andy” but neither man ain’t trying to hear falling in love with each other and,as such, will go out of their respective ways to keep any feelings of affection off the table. It’s understandable but I’ve wondered if guys who take this approach really understand that the longer you’re interacting with someone, the more you get to learn about them and, combined with sex, that makes the possibility of that which they’re trying to avoid possible. So while some bi guys work hard to keep things in a “parts, never the hearts” kind of mode, trying to keep out the other things can prove to be problematic. Now, some guys don’t mind and actually prefer a bit more of an emotional connection that’s beyond “friendship” but I have a sense that with other guys, the moment they begin to realize that their FWB situation is about to take a more serious turn, they’re gonna bail on it because not only are deeper modes of relationship a bitch to deal with, “Ralph” falling in love with “Andy” is just too gay for them.
Which makes me laugh because they seem to think this is more gay than whatever the two of them are doing in bed together; this also makes me wonder if they really understand just how powerful sex is and what it’s capable of, oh, like maybe “convincing” them to fall in love.
This new generation of bisexuals is rather adamant that “hearts, not parts” should be the driving force for any bisexual activities and, again, while this has merit, methinks the reality they don’t wanna see or acknowledge that a lot of bisexuality is still about the parts and doing some pretty interesting things with those parts in the name of mutual sexual satisfaction. Yes – investing in one person is safer in that the more you know about them and their history, you can better avoid some of the ailments; going this route also satisfies the angst some folks have about casual sex and, as such, lends an air of legitimacy and meaning whenever they straddle the fence and do orgasm-inducing things to each other. Indeed, by engaging in bed-hopping, which is riskier, the problem of emotional entanglement with someone can be avoided; once more, a full out sexual session takes a hell of a lot less time than establishing a romantic connection does so, at least in theory, bed-hopping doesn’t allow one to spend any more time with someone than it takes to bust a couple of nuts.
Time for more coffee…