Yesterday, early in the afternoon, I saw an article on MSN about Katy Perry, she of the now-infamous “I Kissed a Girl” song and in said article, Ms. Perry admitted that she’s done more than kissed a girl. I don’t know about y’all but when I heard all of the ruckus about the song, my thought at the time was that she probably did a hell of a lot more than merely kiss a girl. At least in my mind, it’s not a big deal; lots of girls kiss girls and not just on those lips adorning their faces. Theoretically, there are untold numbers of girls who have done what Katy has publicly admitted to doing – and including the admission of doing more than just kissing a girl.
This is kinda a mini-rant about a disturbing difference concerning how our society reacts to such a thing. If an everyday kind of woman went to the New York Times and asked them to write a story about her kissing a girl (and then some), they’d probably have security escort her out of the building; if she went to a friend and admitted this, there’s no telling how that friend would have reacted – from disinterest and indifference to our hypothetical woman being in need of a new friend as they run away in fear.
But Katy Perry can stand before the media and do this thing… and it’s newsworthy and because she’s famous and there doesn’t seem to be anyone calling for her head on a pike for it. Some time ago now, we had a rash of celebrities come out as bisexual or gay; no one raised much of a fuss when Queen Latifah came out; the torches and pitchforks came out when that British swimmer announced he wasn’t exactly straight but seemed to be waffling between really admitting that he was either bisexual… or as gay as the media kept insisting he had to be. Quite a few famous people came out and the world was abuzz about it, noting their courage and the strength of their convictions, yada, yada.
Right this moment, there are probably millions of everyday people struggling with the decision to come out or not – doesn’t matter if they’ve actually done anything in that regard – and the reason why they haven’t is because those who comprise their worldview might be of a mind to tar and feather them more than give them a pat on the ass for their courage and strength of conviction as well as saying loud and proud that this is their life and they will live it in a way that best works for them. If you’re not famous, society takes a dim view of not being heterosexual; the Alphabet Gang, aka the LGBTQI(whatever) community keeps urging folks to come out (and, I guess, to support their cause and a cause that’s fairly suspect these days) and always riffing about the dangers and hazards of being on the down low either in thought or deed and, at least to me, as if some of them don’t remember just how much shit they had to go through when they came out to members of a society that has, historically, always been rabid in their views against those who aren’t straight.
I think it straight-up sucks that Katy Perry can be all front and center about doing more than just kissing a girl and no one is trying to hand her head to her, lending much truth to the perception that such things among women is okay and, perhaps, even quite understandable… but if “Karen” enacted a coming-out, not only might she find herself getting shredded to a pulp but no one would ever find out that she tried to make such a stand unless someone were to take great offense to “Karen’s” announcement and literally shred her to a pulp. If Brad Pitt were to announce that he’s kissed a boy and then some, every media outlet would cover the story and, maybe, not too many people would be all that surprised about that; let an everyday sort of Joe gather some folks together and make such an announcement… and watch what happens next.
This mini-rant goes beyond the tired-assed double standard that it’s okay to be female and bisexual and not okay to be male and bisexual; this is about the disparity in how we treat each other. If you’re rich and famous, eh, it’s no biggie but if you’re barely making minimum wage, stuck in a dead end job, and your only claim to fame is that you’re still alive, well, now, we have a situation don’t we? Yes, it is true that someone can come out and not get lambasted for it in any way but by comparison, it’s almost like an isolated event more than a general response. I don’t know about y’all but there’s something very wrong about this mindset and, if nothing else, it speaks to how inconsistent we are and a few other things that I don’t think speaks well of us as a society, let alone as a species.
A couple of weeks ago, I read some comments to several things on the theme of biphobia and those speaking about this wrote words that I’d call filled with dread; some were angry that such a thing even exists, and there were some who seemed to advocate biphobia as if it were some necessary component to our continued existence but what I found funny – and not in a humorous way – was those flinging the biphobia card all over the place were stating that they were proudly homosexual and saying, as they tend to do, that bisexuals should just stop lying to themselves and admit that they’ re gay and get it over with. On one site called Queerty, wow, they seem to have a hard-on for and about straight men; they write quite a few things that seems to be geared toward the notion that straight men aren’t straight or bisexual: They’re secretly homosexual and they tend to present “evidence” to support their position. The last thing I read on that site was a “report” on a study that says homosexuality in straight men is a given based on the levels of a certain hormone in their blood chemistry that’s responsible for making men want to bond with other men. Fifty-seven men were tested for this hormone and those with higher than normal levels, well, they were secretly gay and they should admit to it and be made better for it.
What was rather pointed were the comments that followed. If I remember correctly, not too many of those who commented really said anything about the horribly small sample of men in this study; nope, they were mostly ranting and raving about how straight men are more prone to beating them up instead of giving them a good sexual beat down. Quite a few had some pretty shitty things to say about straight men being more bisexual, which didn’t surprise me a whole lot since I’ve heard such things before and probably before those commenting were even born. I’d never say that Queerty is a highly reliable source of information and, in my opinion, they seem very eager to get straight men to drop their boxers and give up the dick to gay men.
But it was the angst on this site and a few others I viewed that was dismaying; I feel that if Brad Pitt or some other famous guy/gal were to come out, their bravery and sheer honesty would be applauded and touted as landmark… while the everyday Jane or Joe coming out would be met with derision, disdain, and scorn… and all because they want to overtly do the things that makes their life easier to live, rich, and rewarding.