TarnishedSoul just reminded me, with his comments to “TBT: Desperation” of another emotion we’re all familiar with: Regret.
This is a funny emotion because while there are times when we’ll think, “I’m gonna regret this…” before the fact but regret usually doesn’t come to visit until after the fact and can manifest itself in multiple ways. I don’t even wanna start counting how many times I’ve done something with a guy and have “regretted” doing it and for a lot of reasons, like, not the right time or place, not the right person (and whatever that really means), whatever went down wasn’t what I had in mind or otherwise didn’t transpire as expected and even regretting giving into my impulsiveness.
Its easy to feel regret when looking at something in the retrospective but the thing that stands out – and something I feel that might mitigate regret is understanding that once you do it, it’s done. Also, there’s this very curious thing: It sounded like a good idea at the time and, indeed, if you did it, it probably was a damned good idea, right up until you found reason to refute the goodness of said idea.
Sometimes, when we let regret kick our asses, it is with good reason… but not always. It’s pretty damned easy to second guess yourself but as Tarnished was told, just ask yourself whether or not you enjoyed it and if you did, fine but if you didn’t, that’s okay, too. It’s not about assigning fault for why something wasn’t exactly stellar but simply a matter of no one being able to predict how something is going to turn out. So, there are times and situations where allowing regret to mess with you really isn’t warranted.
As I said in the last scribbling, if we don’t fail, we never learn how to succeed. Indeed, of we don’t ever “regret” something, we never learn how to attempt to make a situation more palatable for our sensibilities. So, um, if “Sam” had a hankering to engage in an 69 and he did so with “Gene” – and “Gene” wasn’t the most ideal guy to do this with, yeah, it may be regrettable… but what “Sam” should ask himself is did he do what he wanted to do? And if “Sam” felt that he didn’t enjoy it, well, why not?
Sometimes, regret comes calling because something we wanted to do happened in a way we didn’t expect or anticipate and, yes, sometimes due to an error in judgement, like our hypothetical “Sam” knowing that “Gene” can be a bit of an asshole but he was available and “Sam” did the deed with him anyway. What “Sam” is regretting isn’t what he did – it’s who he did it with and it’s even possible that before they got naked with each other, he knew he’d regret his choice… which didn’t stop him from engaging anyway.
And one must ask themselves if regretting something really makes any sense. Well, that depends, doesn’t it? There’s the regret of doing something… and then there’s the regret of not doing something. Same emotion, different context. Again, I don’t even wanna count or think about how many times I could have done something and it somehow got right by me… and I’ve regretted missing it and that feeling of regret gets even worse when the other person says, “You know, I was already to go along with whatever you wanted to do…”
Argh! But, ah, damn, can you really regret something you didn’t know about? And is that sense of regret really a thing of being genuinely sorry that something happened and went south when you didn’t think it would or feeling equally sorry that you missed something and something that there’s no way you could know the outcome of? If regret comes in the form of a legitimate mistake (and that depends on what you’d call legitimate), well, since it’s over and done with, about the only things you can do are to deal with the consequences and strive not to repeat that mistake.
You can regret what you did, why you did it and even who you did it with and, if nothing else, you’ve proven to yourself that you are human… but unless what you’re regretting is very major, does it serve any purpose to dwell on something that, after the fact, cannot ever be changed? That’s up to you, dear readers, to decide since regret isn’t always uniquely associated with sexuality – regret doesn’t care when, where or how it shows up in our lives.
My thanks to TarnishedSoul for bringing this to my attention!