“Every man has a place
In his heart there’s a space
And the world can’t erase his fantasies
Take a ride in the sky
On our ship, fantasize
All your dreams will come true right away”
(Opening lyrics to “Fantasy,” by Earth, Wind, & Fire – big time props to them)
Part of my “morning routine” includes checking the bi guy forum to see if anyone has posted anything of interest and today, it was seeing – collectively – how many of the membership were giving voice to their fantasies. The forum actually has a major category/place for guys to share these and after reading a few of them, one of the things I noticed was that almost to a man, none of the people jotting down the stuff that makes their dick hard have had that first experience; many of those guys began their writing with the words, “I haven’t done anything with a man yet, but…”
Under another topic, several men were sharing their fantasies about sleeping with, ah, largely endowed men of color (to be uncharacteristically PC for a moment). One guy allowed that even though he’s yet to do anything, the thought of having it with a Black man with a really big dick both scared him and excited him and (paraphrasing) that his fantasies about this has fueled his, um, auto-erotic moments. In other topics – but along the same lines – many men share their fantasies surrounding their first experience or, if they’ve already had it, their fantasies are centered on the things they’d want to do… if (a) they could actually bring themselves to do them or (b) if they were free to do them.
Now, that these men have fantasies is perfectly normal… but as I read a few of them, I got to wondering if they were aware that having fantasies is one thing – but the reality might not match what’s going on in their head. One guy had written a pretty elaborate fantasy and one that, even with my imagination, I couldn’t see how any of it could work and someone pointed out to him how unrealistic his fantasy was, to which the originator replied, “I can dream, can’t I?” Some men have said that these fantasies pop into their heads and they surprise them since, prior to this, they’d never had a single fantasy involving another man before; some guys write that they’re actually worried about being homosexual because of fantasies of sucking cock and, for many, being on the receiving end of the high hard one.
Some share their fantasies but back pedal a bit by saying they’re not sure they could actually do it and some confess to not understanding why they’re having them, which speaks more to the power of the human mind as well as how much we don’t know about how our brains really work. I get a kick out of reading some of the comments being written when a guy [basically] says he’s having these fantasies but he’s not sure why he’s having them… and some of the comments are pretty funny. What I’ve also noticed is how their fantasies tend to clash with their sense of morality, like the one guy who shared that he’s had a fantasy of being topped by multiple guys, would very much like to experience such a thing, but that would mean cheating on his wife… but then he finished his writing by asking the membership how he could make this happen for real.
I remember thinking – or, really, reminding myself – that what you think is one thing… and the reality could be a motherfucker; the guy who expressed this fantastical desire might find out that having a bunch of guys poking him in the butt isn’t as much fun as his imagination might suggest. I also recalled seeing a post written by a guy who was kinda raining on everyone else’s parades by saying that he didn’t allow himself to have fantasies because it was improper for him, as a married man, to have such thoughts. I remember thinking that, okay, hmm, that’s kinda weird but his sense of impropriety didn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that he, a married man, was a member of a website for bisexual men and he’s obviously reading a lot of the stuff written, even if he’s even being a voyeur and trying to live vicariously through the thoughts and experiences of others. So while it’s possible that he’s trained himself not to, say, be driving to work and thinking about busting a nut in another dude’s behind, uh, he doesn’t seem to have a problem reading about the fantasies of other men who wants to have sex with other men.
Some folks see fantasies as being dangerous and under the auspices of, “If you’re thinking about it, that means you’re gonna do it…” and when I see guys comment along these lines, it still never fails to amaze me how many people don’t seem to understand that thinking and doing aren’t the same things. Yes, it is understandable that we’d think like this and in simple terms such as thinking that you need a drink of water so you get up and get a drink of water… but either discounting or overlooking the fact that, sometimes, you’ll think about something – like taking out the garbage – but you don’t do it right after you think about it. Having a fantasy is “merely” thinking; it might be something that you’d want to do, wished you could do, whatever, but it never means (or should never mean) that you’re gonna actually do whatever your fantasy involves; it could be unrealistic or impractical and other things could prevent it from ever being done, oh, like, if the little woman ever found out you participated in an all-male orgy, her lawyers are gonna have a field day at your expense.
So having a fantasy is okay… as long as one understands that just because it’s on your mind, actually doing it is something very different and if the reality says you can’t do it (or you’d better not do it), then don’t – just keep thinking about it and let it go at that.