I have always been interested in why other folks are bi-curious or bisexual and I’ve been fortunate to hear or read about how so many people are actually riding on the same boat as I am, whether they’re all into it up to their eyes… or sitting on the bench and wondering if they’re ever gonna get sent into the game… or being worried about what’ll happen if they do get sent in.
A few trips to the bi guy forum yesterday brought to my attention (and not for the first time) just how many guys are sitting on the bench, don’t particular like sitting on the bench, and are either itching to get into the game or, as I said above, really worried about what might happen. A lot of it is understandable; there are a lot of married (or otherwise hooked up) guys who have legitimate reasons to sit on the bench and be worried about getting into the game, namely, having their woman find out that her man’s sexual interests goes beyond the fairer sex.
But as I sat and read various things written by the membership, I got to wondering (and, again, not for the first time) why the guys who are unattached are still sitting on the bench, talking about what they’ll do when they get into the game… but also very worried about being sent in or, in this case, invited in. Their reasons for keeping themselves benched aren’t what I’d call invalid but they represent what is to me an ongoing theme, from being as shy as a wallflower to being worried about catching something fatally nasty. Now, while I’ll allow that shyness isn’t an easy thing to overcome, some of the other reasons why these unattached men are riding the pine are things that can be dealt with or, as I commented on a post where a guy said he wasn’t in the game because he was afraid of an STD, “Use condoms and do whatever you gotta do to prove that the guy you want to sleep with is as healthy as he says he is.”
I know a lot of those guys have consigned themselves to the sidelines because, as I’ve mentioned before, they have this ideal situation or set of conditions in mind and they’re finding it damn near impossible to find that right guy or even if they believe they’ve found the right guy, they’ve put themselves on hold waiting for the perfect conditions to show up before they rip off their warm-ups and take the field of play and, sometimes, it seems to me that these guy are not really aware that the perfect conditions they’re waiting on may never present themselves… or that “right guy” only really exists within the confines of their own minds.
I sit and read just how incredibly picky these bench sitters are and, without any offense to any women reading this, if you gals think you’re picky about who gets to have sex with you, um, you should see how picky men are and I’ll be honest with you when I say some guys can put the pickiest woman to shame in this department. I’ve even been of a mind to think that this overly picky mindset has been deliberately created not to ensure the “perfect” partner but to make sure that no human male alive can qualify. What, you think that sounds a little cray-cray? At first, I thought so, too; it didn’t make sense to me that a guy would write that he’d do anything to suck cock… but then go into excruciating detail about the kind of guy (and cock) he wants to suck on, be fucked by, whatever. When I read these detail it kinda surprised me that the Order of Pine Riders all seemed to share the same level of detail about the ideal man that would, officially, expel them from the order – it’s really kinda creepy that so many different men are sharing those details. And while I have no doubt that there are, indeed, quite a few men who fit this eerily general description, it seems to me that these guys have constructed a model that, essentially, can’t be found.
Or so they think. I’ve sat and read where some fellas did, in fact, find the “man of their dreams,” only to disqualify him for stuff like not liking the same football team (soccer or American football) or, get this, preferring briefs over boxers. One guy recently wrote that he found his “perfect” guy… and chose not to engage with him because the dude has neatly trimmed pubic hair. Someone asked whether or not he preferred guys to be shaved and the answer was no; he was just turned off because the guy had hair down there – period. Someone else pointed out that it was clear to them that the author of the post really didn’t want to do all the shit with the guy he’d written about, to which the author vigorously denied but I think that the man who pointed this out (and who saved me the trouble of saying it) was right on the money.
It makes me wonder what goes on inside the minds of the guys who choose to sit on the bench when they don’t have to. I understand there are some fears; many of them express the fear of being outed and as if finding ways to be discrete are foreign to them. As mentioned, some fear catching something that safe sex practices can minimize, if not eliminate. Some state that they don’t know how to go about finding a guy or what to say to him if they did meet a like-minded dude – but the guys who use this as an excuse to stay on the bench don’t seem to have any problems trying to get into a woman’s panties. Yes, if you have concerns about taking the field, the best and smartest thing to do is to not get out there until you can address your concerns adequately… but when you voice your concerns openly to several hundred men and most of them are providing solutions to your concerns and you are still sitting on the bench by choice, um, what’s really going on here?
I know there are guys who are masters at talking the talk but when they manage to convince another guy that, hell, yeah, going to bed is an excellent idea and the sooner, the better, they turn tail and head back to the bench, very and mysteriously unwilling to walk the walk… but speaking to how much they really need to get naked with another man and do whatever. When they’re asked what they’re afraid of, they say that they’re not afraid and I’ve seen some guys accused of “cowardice” launch into a lengthy explanation that, upon further review, is very much like talking loud and saying nothing.
Sometimes I chime in and tell such guys that if they let their fears rule the day, they will never find out what it’s like to do the things they say they fervently want to do; sometimes, I just sit and wonder…