A guy on the bi forum shared with the membership that, whilst playing a video game with his friend, he wound up having his first experience being screwed by a guy – it’s unsure if this was his very first experience. He shared that it was fun and good but,after the fact, felt somewhat guilty because he has a girlfriend… and his post included a “cry” for help.
Guilt, as I understand it, is one of those feelings that tends to show up when you’re either about to do something you’re probably not supposed to do, can show up even if you’re actually doing the right thing for yourself, and really tends to show up to stomp a mud hole in your ass after you’ve done something and in the form of that voice in your head that says, “Now, you know you shouldn’t have done that!”
Right… how kind of you to bring this to my attention after I’ve already done it – thanks a lot!
It is said that in order to avoid feeling guilt, well, one should never do anything that will invite Guilt to move in and, honestly, given the broad spectrum involved here, I’m not sure if that’s even possible because, sometimes, guilt isn’t about what you do – it can also be about what you don’t do.
So, two things that came together for the guy who wrote the post and asked for help: He had sex with a guy and cheated on his girlfriend. I commented that even if he didn’t have a girlfriend, he would have still felt guilty for willfully breaking a well-known taboo – well, technically, a few of them but you know what I mean, don’t you? The guilt from the first thing can be very bad; add in some extra guilt for the second thing and, whew, talk about a recipe for disaster!
I commented that Guilt is funny; sometimes, you’ll think about, let’s say, finally getting around to sucking a cock… and the mere thought of of doing that will set off a guilt trip because, of course, men are not ever supposed to want to suck cock, let alone think about it and, depending on the individual, it can just shut you down and ensure that, nope, you ain’t sucking any dick today, fella. Sometimes – and I think that, in collusion with the infamous Mr. Murphy – Guilt will remain silent and let you go right ahead and ravish that cock and to your heart’s content… then pounce on you so hard that I’ve seen guys get physically ill and revisit their stomach contents.
Yep, even I have been in the middle of working a cock over and have felt Guilt tapping me on the shoulder to remind me that, um, you know you’re wrong for doing what you’re doing, right? Yeah, I know… we’ll talk about it after I get done here, okay?
The thing is, as usual, not that you feel guilty about sucking that dick or whatever it was you did – it’s how you deal with it. The human mind is remarkable in that while Guilt is tap dancing all over your ass, you can convince yourself that you’ve not done anything to feel guilty about and you most certainly didn’t just do anything that you didn’t want to need to do. Some consider this an act of denial but I’m of a mind that this is our innate ability to justify anything that we do and more so when The Rules, in this case, clearly says, “Thou shalt not lie down with another man and have fun doing it!”
When Guilt comes calling after the fact, it begs a question that’s not easily answered: Why am I feeling bad about something after I’ve already done it? Yeah, sure, perhaps you should have thought about that before you did it but that doesn’t change the fact that, um, you didn’t and that you didn’t is seen by some to be irresponsible because you should always think about these things before you do it and, as mentioned, if you are thinking about it, Guilt might step in and make you see things its way.
Or not. So how does this guy – or anyone, really, deal with Guilt? You can’t really ignore it because, in this, the compulsion to feel guilty about sucking that dick or being screwed by a guy is deeply seated within us; you can’t act as if you didn’t do whatever you did and bullshitting yourself by saying that you really didn’t want to do it in the first place doesn’t fly since, uh, you did do it and enjoyed every moment of it.
I’ve been asked how I deal with it, which is by no means a one-size-fits-all solution, I’ve said that when Guilt wants to remind me that I shouldn’t have let that guy suck my dick, I’ve learned to tell it, “I know that but I accept the consequences of my actions, okay? Besides, where were you when the guy asked me if he could blow me and I was considering his proposal, hmm? Why is it that when I come back at you and ask why this is sucha wrong thing to do, all you have to say is because it is and because I said so?”
Yeah, it sounds cray-cray to be having an argument with yourself but it’s what we do, it’s what goes on inside our head at all times – I’ve just found an interesting way to describe the process. Guilt is an emotional thing and pitting one’s intelligence against Guilt has been known to catastrophically fail at times since Guilt is such a powerful emotion. So for me, sure, I know what then rules say about this – don’t think about it, don’t do it – and I accept that I like breaking those rules and if/when I have to answer for that, then I will… so you keep reminding me and I’ll do you a favor, Guilt, by reviewing the matter because, sometimes, you do tell me before the fact… but if you’re gonna keep interrupting me while I’m doing it or showing up all late and wrong after the fact, go bother someone else, will you?
I don’t know how the guy who wrote the post is gonna deal with the guilt he feels but I do know that it’s not all that easy to deal with. It’s my thought that Guilt shows up all late and wrong because the power behind our drive for sex can issue a gag order on Guilt and the gag order gets rescinded after nuts have been busted. Ya might not be able to escape Guilt but you can strive to not let it fuck with you as badly as it can and, really, if you feel guilty, it’s a good sign that you don’t have that mental thing going on where you feel no guilt at all about anything…