Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: “Just Sex?”

09 May

I was just going through forum items on the bi guy site and was reading new comments to a post where the author was “whining” about dudes who are all about the sex with other men but not so much of a mind to establish a meaningful relationship.  I don’t blame or condemn these guys for wanting things the way they want them but, admittedly, I find it fascinating to read how these guys think about something that, by their own admissions, most haven’t actually done yet.  The author, like so many of the men here, has a thing against casual sex and that anything they could do in this regard is considered to be cheap, tawdry sex and sex without meaning and substance.

When I see them write stuff like this, it’s not that I don’t understand where they’re coming from; the most ideal situation is to find one guy and in a FWB mode, hang out with each other with and without clothing.  It’s safer, provides a level of investment that’s comfortable and, most of all, it’s not casual sex… and I find myself wondering if these men who have this mindset really understand the full scope of male bisexuality.  The author seemed to be appalled that there were a lot of men reaching out to him and weren’t all that interested to hear his life story – they just wanted to know if they can meet and get each other off in the NSA mode.  I laughed when I first read the post because it reminded me of how some women tend to ask us, “Is that all you ever think about?”

As it turns out, um, yeah, pretty much – we’re just wired like that.  It’s a reality that the guys who bitch and moan about NSA hookups don’t seem to want to accept and, of course, it’s not that there are men who are into the NSA thing but why they are; the problem for them is that if the other guy isn’t of a mind to speak to this, you’ll never know the answer.  Sometimes, it’s about time or, really, the lack of; relationships of any kind takes time to develop while it can take a whole two seconds to say, “Yes!” to the proposal of a blow job.  Since a lot of guys are doing this in the underworld of the DL, time is of the essence and the sooner things can get to popping, the better because for it to take a long time can make others suspicious, like a girlfriend or a wife; some guys are so closely scrutinized (or otherwise horribly busy with day-to-day stuff) that their trips to the DL for some cock are limited and, as such, it’s about cutting through all the lovey-dovey stuff and getting right to the business at hand.

Some guys want to avoid anything that looks like a relationship and the most dreaded emotional entanglement, falling in love with the other guy; as weird as it might sound, having sex with another dude isn’t “as gay” as the possibility of falling in love or, damn it, having him fall in love with you so the best way to keep this from happening is to not be in a position for this to happen… so you bypass the “getting to know you better” part and get right to making dicks hard and making them soft again.  Some guys are already in a relationship so getting into a meaningful and substantial relationship with a guy, while not really a bad thing or idea, just complicates an already complicated situation so, of course, the idea here is to make things less complicated if and whenever possible.

Yup… some guys are just really arrogant and conceited assholes and have attended the school of “less talk, more sex” and even I have a dislike for guys who behave like this; you’ve seen me write at times about guys who’ve contacted me and demand that I let them fuck me (which I ain’t even into anymore) and that if I don’t, well, I must not be a real man.  It’s an occupational hazard for bisexual men and the nature of the beast… but what I find interesting when the membership starts riffing against hookups and the lack of personal investment is simply this:  Do these men know anything about men?  Better still, um, how can you be a guy and not know how we tend to behave and more so when our dicks get hard?

There’s a perception at play here and I will now apologize to any women reading this and say that I mean no offense or disrespect at all:  Men are easier to get into bed than women are because men tend to be more no-nonsense about it.  Here’s the truth:  While, comparatively speaking, this is true, um, men can be more difficult to have sex with than women are known to be because there are a lot of bisexual men who aren’t fans of casual sex; if you’re not gonna be into them, don’t want to take the time to know them as a person, it’s a huge deal breaker.  If you don’t show the desire or potential to be a repeat and invested customer, well, you’re a sorry sack of shit for thinking you can treat me like I’m just a piece of ass.  But this gets better because a lot of these guys who bemoan the quick and dirty hookup have also said that they have no real desire to be in a “committed relationship” with another man and they say it as if a FWB relationship isn’t a relationship.

If ya thought women can be funny about sex, men can be even funnier when you take a closer look and the clincher is that a lot the guys who pitch a bitch about this have yet to have their first M2M experience and they also spend a lot of time wondering why they can’t find someone to have that first experience with.  It makes a kind of sense that some women just aren’t all that fond of us because 80% of the time, we have sex on the brain; yes, Virginia, sometimes, that’s all we do think about… but I ask again how you can be a guy with sex on the brain, want to have sex with another guy… but expect him not to have sex on the brain as well?  Is it me or does it sound just a tad bit hypocritical (or, perhaps, naive) to want to establish something with relationship overtones – like, getting to know each other a lot better – but, at the same time, don’t wanna be bothered with relationship-type things, like dating?

Finally, I’m not saying that the guys riffing about this aren’t within their right to do so – I just find it interesting when they do riff about it and more so when their only sexual experience with men lies only within their fantasies of having that first real experience…


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