I read this posting by mickcase – https://bithebiblog.wordpress.com/2017/05/11/do-gay-people-believe-in-bisexuality/ – and my first thought was that it just does not ever fail to baffle me to see today’s bisexuals being bothered by something I heard and experienced decades ago, that there are still some homosexual men out there who steadfastly refuse to believe that bisexual men exist and that we’re the ones who are in denial about our “true gayness…” when, duh, it seems to be pretty damned obvious that if anyone’s in denial about something, it’s not bisexual men.
I can’t even begin to recall the number of the times I’ve heard the “you’re really gay” speech from gay men; likewise, I can’t recall the number of times some gay dude trying to get in my case about being bisexual and hurling the usual epitaphs at me about being confused, etc.. Yes, way back in the day – like back in the 1970s – I’d get pretty bent out of shape over this shit until I eventually learned not to let it bother me; not only are people entitled to their opinion (for what that’s worth), if they couldn’t accept or believe I was bisexual, that’s not my problem and they weren’t gonna make it my problem.
Classic example: Met a gay dude online and we talked about a lot of stuff including the fact that I was bisexual; he said he was cool with that and could we hook up at some point? I said that we could… but I didn’t believe he was as cool about it as he said but, hey, you’re innocent until proven otherwise, right? We hook up and it was off the chain and to the point where there were moments I had to resist the urge to start laughing over the way he was behaving as I sucked his dick – believe me, it was rather demonstrative. I guess about a week later or maybe longer, we hooked up again and it was pretty much more of the same from him – lots of hollering and cursing, begging and pleading, etc., and when the dust settled, he looked at me and said that I was a great lover and that I should stop wasting my time having sex with women and become a fully gay man.
Not that I never heard this one before and I gave him my usual but honest answer: “Why would I want to do that?”
He went right off the deep end – and I expected him to and he didn’t disappoint me as he went on and on about how despicable bisexual men were, that we were all traitors to the gay cause – oh, man, it was epic and I’ll admit that I didn’t make the situation any better when I started laughing, not as much over what he was saying but over how animated he was, stomping around all over the place, calling me all kinds of rotten motherfuckers and as he did so, I was thinking that he should be really glad he wasn’t talking to a younger version of myself – the version who would have kicked his ass over such things.
Here’s the facts that some homosexual men can’t or won’t accept: Bisexual men are legion; there are so many of us that no one can think of an effective way to find out exactly how many men are bisexual. It just really amazes me how and why there are gay men today who are of the same mindset as gay men I ran into back in the 1970s and their ongoing insistent that we – bi men – should just stop lying to ourselves and admit to one and all that we’re really gay. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why some gay men behave like this and a lot of it has to do with the odd phenomenon that what we believe is always right even though factual evidence says that they aren’t. Some of it is pure human nature: If you’re not like us, you are against us – the fear of the other. Some of it, believe it or not, is rooted in the tenets of monogamy and the thing that if “George” wants to be with “Jeff” – who is a gay man – George has to give up that which make him the person he is in order to conform to Jeff’s view of things or, plainly, George has to give up being bisexual and become homosexual. This isn’t to say that some men haven’t done just that but, um, really, most bisexual men aren’t gonna stop being bisexual just because his gay lover would be very happy if he did so.
It’s a crazy way to behave and since this is a behavior I’ve seen way too many times, it tells a very sad story about how after all the decades I’ve been exposed to this, we continue to let dogmatic thinking override logic and fact. Yes, there have always been bisexual men; yes, legions of us are quite happy being bisexual; no, homosexuality isn’t the only way to go about things and, frankly, if you’re homosexual and still believe that bisexuals are really homosexuals in disguise, well, you’re just totally clueless and way beyond being merely naive about stuff.
And, as I pointed out to that gay dude I had hooked up with, um, you didn’t think my being bisexual was all that bad when I had you begging for mercy and asking God, Jesus, and your mother to save your horny ass, did you? He even had the nerve to give me an ultimatum: Give up women forever and be with him… or we could never have sex again. I blinked, stifled a belly-busting laugh, and said, “Okay, I guess we won’t be doing this again, huh?”
I understand the mindset even though I continue to think that it’s such a fucked up way to behave and is a greater sense of abject denial than what bisexual men are being accused of. If I tell you that I’m bisexual, what makes you want to believe that there’s no way I can really be bisexual and more so when I tell you that I’ve spent more time relating to women than I have men? I mean, really… what part of “I like pussy and dick” didn’t you understand? Okay, I get it – just because you’d prefer I’d be totally homosexual doesn’t negate the fact that I prefer not to be totally homosexual… but maybe you don’t seem to understand that if you choose to berate me for my choice, you’re not doing yourself any favors and you’re certainly not allow me to see you in anything that resembles a good light. Oh,and by the way? If you’re always looking for someone to be with – even just for sex – and it just ain’t happening for you as much as you’d like, it’s probably because the bisexual guys who might be interested in turning your ass out in bed don’t want to be bothered by someone who foolishly believes that bisexuals can’t and don’t exist.
Mickcase wrote that it upsets him that gay men have such a negative opinion of us and, yes, I strongly suggested that he not let this bother him because, sadly, there are still gay men who are damned negative about us and there’s nothing we can say or do that will ever change their minds. I don’t have a problem with a guy being homosexual – it is what it is, right? If he has a problem with the fact that I happen to love women and pussy, well, um, okay; this, too, is what it is but here’s the question I’ve yet to hear a gay man who this a problem for answer: If I can accept that you are what you are, why can’t you accept that I am what I am? Hmm? And if you can’t, well, why not? And if you cannot recognize that what you think, feel, or otherwise believe isn’t accurately reflecting the reality of things, er, um, which one of us has a problem?
I’m pretty sure it’s not me…
Thus endeth the mini-rant.