I was just sitting here, after doing some maintenance on my computer, thinking about the guys on the bi forum and kinda categorizing the things I see them writing about that prevents many of them from taking that initial plunge or, in some cases, returning to the deep end of the pool and are now standing on the pool deck, hesitant about jumping back in after a long absence. As I thought about all of the reasons they give, I wondered if I was looking at a different form of biphobia, a word that’s now associated with those folks who are afraid of bisexuality/bisexuals?
One of the questions I ask myself as I read the many posts is what’s really stopping these guys from actually doing all of the stuff they say they wanna do? Another one is, “Are the things they say are keeping them out of the pool really things that cannot be resolved in some way?” What I realized is that many of them are afraid and while a phobia is defined as an irrational fear of something, the things they’re afraid of aren’t exactly what I’d call irrational and that those things are pretty damned consistent, i.e., the fears these men give voice to today are the same fears I’ve heard other men cite decades ago. Lemme see if I can kinda/sorta list some of them…
They might be really gay.
They might catch something nasty.
They might get outed.
They might lose friends.
They might lose a girlfriend or a wife.
They might go straight to hell because they’ve broken faith with whatever religious beliefs they have.
They fear being rejected by other men, bi or gay.
They fear not being able to find someone to have sex with.
They fear casual sex.
They fear emotional attachment to other men.
They fear discovering that they might not like that which they want to do.
Some fear that they will like it more than they expect to.
There are probably more that I can’t remember right at this moment but, as I said, while they’re not irrational in a phobic kind of way, they are pretty consistent across time, i.e., I heard these same things from other guys way back in the 1970s and, forty-seven years later, I’m still seeing/hearing these things as reasons why these guys want to leap into the pool… but don’t. They join the forum, not only looking for answers to the many questions they have but to be assured that, one, they’re not alone in what they’re thinking and feeling and, two, to have their fears addressed and, if possible, mitigated, eliminated, dispelled, whatever. It’s not as if the experienced forum members fail to address their many concerns and accurately so but, at the end of the day, it’s up to the man asking the questions (or stating his fears) to decide whether or not he’s gotten the information he needs to dive on in and realize his desires.
It’s probably just me, but I find it… curious that a guy will post something about why he wants to suck cock so badly, explain whatever it is that scares the shit out of him about doing it and then have maybe fifty guys give him information that would allay his fears… but the guy still decides to stay out of the waters of the deep end. Are they indecisive? Do they have reason to believe that all of the guys telling him the deal about sucking cock are, in fact, wrong? Are their fears actually a lot stronger than their desire?
The other rather consistent thing I see taking place is how logic doesn’t fare well against emotional issues. I’ve seen guys share their fears, have seen the membership address them, and have seen the author come back and say that he understands all that has been explained to him and that his questions have been answered, his concerns properly addressed… but a few will come back and reiterate those same concerns and looking for even more answers when, in most cases, there isn’t any more information to give. I’ve sat read this stuff happening and ask myself a question: If fifty guys shared with me their initial experiences with sucking a dick and laid a lot of good and accurate knowledge on me about it – and I have no reason to disbelieve or doubt what I’ve been told, why haven’t I given it a go yet?
Well, the answer has something to do with their fear of not being able to find someone they can “lose their cherry” to; I’ve seen guys thank the membership for the good advice received and then become their own worst enemy by being very exacting and precise about that first dick they want to taste (or having in their butt) and, on the surface, it doesn’t appear to be related to fear – it looks merely like preference but when you take a big step back and look at this, what you see are a bunch of guys setting a conditional environment that will make sure that they never have that first experience because the type of guy “preferred” can’t be located anywhere on the planet (according to them).
It’s not that I blame or find fault in these guys for being afraid of whatever’s scaring them because I know this is some really scary shit to begin with… I just find it curious and a bit puzzling that when you have so many people doing their level best of allaying your fears, you’re still afraid just the same. Yes, it’s a life-changing decision and one that can impact one’s life if they do whatever they wanna do… and if they don’t do it so, yeah, making that decision to go/no go is pretty damned important and one to not be taken lightly.
Now, some guys on the forum have gone on to set their fears aside and dive right on in and they’ve come back to share that they’ve taken the plunge and to say something along the lines of, “I really don’t know what I was afraid of – I should have done this a long time ago!”
Is it really possible for a budding bisexual to have an irrational fear of becoming that which they want to be? Kinda looks like it, huh?