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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Self-induced Cock Blocking

04 Jul

Been a while since I wrote one of these because, um, I’ve been giving my Xbox One a rather good workout.  Well, that and I haven’t had what I’d call an inspirational thought… until now.  So I’m into my morning routine and drop in to see what the guys on the bi guy forum have been up to and saw where a few guys were writing about their first experience or what was going on with them that it almost happened but the trigger never got squeezed (one never really pulls a trigger unless they wanna miss the target).

That this happens isn’t unusual; as I often say, if you think it’s easy to lie down with someone who’s the same sex as you and get your freak on as you might have imagined, guess again – it’s not that easy for a lot of people which is why I always applaud those, male or female, who do take the plunge.  This scribble is really about what the title says or, to be a bit PC about it, what some bisexual men think about that will ensure that they will never have that first experience and, specifically, by employing a mode of thinking that, for men, might sound a bit strange.

One guy wrote – and as many of these guys do – that he was totally bummed out while on the prowl for a guy he could have sex with and ran face-first into something that, perhaps, they didn’t expect… but should have expected given the animal they want to interact with.  You see, it might sound a bit strange that there are bisexual men who, without insult, want to do things in a way that’s similar to how women want to do them and invoking a bit of dogma:  The only acceptable sex is relationship sex and casual sex – sex for the sake of being able to do it because you can and want to – is to be avoided like the plague.

Not that this is really a bad thing because even in sex, we all want to be valued for more than just the object of another person’s lust.  To the chagrin of many a man looking to dip his toes into the pool that’s he just been looking at, finding a guy who’s gonna value him beyond a means to an end seems to be impossible because, as they troll the various sites and use the growing number of mobile apps, what they find more often than not are other men who only want to know a few “unimportant” things, i.e., “When can we meet so I can have sex with you?”  These guys who aren’t fans of casual sex get offended, dismayed, and even disillusioned because, like so many of us, sex has to have meaning, well, a meaning beyond that which is obvious anyway.  Again, when we decide to get naked with someone, we want to be appreciated, respected and if the person we’re about to have sex with us is willing to have a level of investment in us – read this as they’re gonna give a fuck about us beyond the sex – well, that works, doesn’t it?

In the real world of sex, um, that doesn’t always happen.  In the world of M2M sex, the chances of you running into a guy who wants to be valued as a human being and not just a piece of ass (or swinging dick) aren’t good; while those guys are out there, you’re more likely to run to guys who don’t want to get to know you as the wonderful person you might be – nope, their knowledge level is restricted to things carnal.  Not that such guys are uncaring assholes (but some are) but there are guys who like rolling in the hay with other guys who are scared to death of anything that looks like an invested relationship because, um, that shit is just too gay for them to stomach.

So if a guy is hanging his hopes on finding someone who shares his dislike of casual sex and using this as a valid reason for not getting out there and doing what he insists he needs to do, he’s just cock blocking himself.  What’s that you say?  If that’s what he requires, he has the right to insist on a higher level of interest before he drops his gear?  Yeah, you’re right… but I’m still the guy who has the nerve to point out to you that the real world doesn’t work like that.  Yes, yes, it can happen in that preferred, non-casual way but, once more, if you troll websites and mobile apps looking for a willing guy who’s gonna value you as more than a sexual object, that environment just isn’t all that conducive to the ways of invested sex, not in a sexual world that has been more about instant gratification than embracing the old ways of getting into someone’s underwear, you know, dating, courting, taking the time to really get to know the person you wanna slake your lust upon.

Here’s the thing:  If you’re a guy looking to have sex with another guy for the first time or, perhaps, the first time in a very long time and you are having zero success because of your approach to this, does it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, your approach might need some adjustment in order for you to get that which you so fervently need?  What’s that you say?  He doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to?  Again, you’re right but, ah, these days, it’s a guaranteed way to not get what you want.

I don’t want you to misunderstand me because even I don’t like dealing with guys who don’t want to take a few minutes to get to know me even for the sake of ensuring that hooking up will be safe for both of us; those of you who have been following me for a while have seen me write unflattering things about those dudes who introduce themselves by saying, “Let me come over and fuck you right now!”  The difference is that I am fully aware that such guys exist and I even understand why they behave the way they do and – get this – some of that behavior is based on the perception that men don’t want to be bothered with all that lovey-dovey crap they have to go through with women in order to get laid.  The truth is that not all men have this attitude and they want to go through “the bullshit” before offering up their bodies… it’s just a sure way not to get that dick/ass you are craving.

In this, it’s easy to blame the other guy for being so crude and callous in his approach to get with you when, a truth some of us don’t want to know about is that if we’re not getting the M2M sex we’re craving, some of that fault lies with us and our unwillingness to be more flexible in our thinking about this.  Like I told the guy I’m mentoring, there are times when you just have to trust your instinct; there are times when spending hours or days really getting to know someone will greatly conflict with that very bad case of blue balls you’re suffering through so, yeah, there are times when the guy who contacts you gets right to the point of why he’s contacting you – and, duh, the reason you’re using those apps is because you want to be contacted – you don’t exactly throw caution to the wind but you say, shit, I’m horny, he’s two minutes away and, fuck, let’s go for it.  He pointed out – and rightly so – that this is risky; I countered with something I think is obvious:  Trying to bed a woman on the spur of the moment can be just as risky so what’s the problem?  And, really, it’s not a problem unless you don’t employ some common sense and engage safe sex practices… and you don’t know how to defend yourself in case things get hinky.

It’s one thing for a guy to decide that he doesn’t want to have this kind of sex; it’s another thing to always complain about not being able to have this kind of sex when you’re unwilling to adjust your thinking so that having this sex becomes possible or, if you stop cock blocking yourself, you could find yourself having all the fun you’ve been hoping to have.  And if you’re not having the M2M fun you want, is it really the fault of the guy who is all about having casual sex?  I’ll leave that for you to decide; when I see guys writing that they don’t understand why they can’t find a guy they can play with, well, I’m the guy who’ll tell you why that’s not happening as expected and how one can wind up being their own worst, cock blocking enemy in this.

A fellow blogger here on WordPress expressed this same concern in a recent blog they wrote (and he knows who he is) and in my comment to his post, I ended it with, “Welcome to 2017.”  Ideally, we want companionship to go along with our sex and we will hold out – and deprive ourselves of sex – until we get exactly what we want in this (or close enough for government work).  It makes us feel good about ourselves when we can have sex with someone who is invested in us but the truth is that investment isn’t always a requirement for some men; as I said, they will avoid the process of investment because of their own fears of emotional attachment; they just want to get their dick hard and have someone make it soft again and move on to the next guy.  It sounds totally and completely fucked up, doesn’t it?

Bisexuality isn’t as much as a wide-open free-for-all that some might think it is; there are still heteronormative things that, ultimately, prevent this from happening such as the angst against casual sex, which we believe to be meaningless sex but really isn’t, not if you really understand sex as a human behavior.  While bisexuality represents an escape from the traditional, sexual box we’ve been placed in, many of us are still bound by dogma, i.e., the conditions under which having sex is preferable, oh, like, having a potential partner being into you so that you won’t feel badly about being labeled a slut or a dog simply because you like having sex and, seemingly, indiscriminately.  Certainly, everyone has things they will and won’t do – that just makes sense; however, the question I ask guys who complain about their inability to have the sex they want is, “Why won’t you adjust your thinking in this?”

Sometimes, I think that it never occurs to them that they are allowed to modify their thinking and/or approach and wind up cock blocking themselves…

 
5 Comments

Posted by on 4 July 2017 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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5 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Self-induced Cock Blocking

  1. Pyx

    4 July 2017 at 12:41

    I like that SEX is not an open free for all – as some might assume or want it to be. I mean it takes all kinds and even naked I find rubbing up against people with different values, approaches and philosophies help me think about mine, change them or even solidify my position on things.

    P.S Happy Independence Day

    Like

     
  2. tarnishedsoul

    4 July 2017 at 13:40

    ARe you suggesting it might be in my best interest to get over myself and get laid?

    Like

     
    • kdaddy23

      4 July 2017 at 19:54

      Maybe, maybe not… but if you’re not having any success doing things the old fashioned way, a change in methodology might be indicated. It’s a judgement call… and depends on how badly you wanna get laid. I’m just the guy who will speak about the reality that’s connected with this.

      Maybe a really nice guy will come along and fulfill your prerequisites for sex… maybe he won’t but the question is if he doesn’t, what do you do? Keep waiting and remain untouched… or adjust some stuff so you can get touched?

      Liked by 1 person

       

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