During my visit to the bi guy forum, there was a bit of a combined topic being discussed. The first part had to do with whether the size of a bottom’s cock makes a difference and while I see no real relevance here, I wasn’t surprised to see guys saying that it did make a difference to them. One guy who’s a top admitted that being with a bottom with a big dick does make sucking the bottom… interesting which is to be expected, truth be told. I asked that if you weren’t gonna suck the bottom’s cock – and some bottoms just do not ever want to be sucked – um, why should the size of his dick matter? A few guys admitted that seeing the bottom on his knees with his ass up and seeing a “large” cock dangling between his legs is quite the visual turn on for them and I guess that makes sense, in a weird kinda way.
Now, I allowed, in my comment, that there was a time – back in the day – that top/bottom was determined by cock size, i.e., the guy with the smaller cock was the bottom and, thus, in the female-submissive sexual role… but given what can be seen on the Internet via professional and amateur “gay” porn, um, I’ve seen guys getting topped who had monstrous cocks dangling and much bigger than the dude doing the topping so what used to be a “given” no longer seems to be the case.
But wait… this gets better!
The conversation made an unexpected turn, going from the size of a bottom’s dick to whether or not the lack of an erection by said bottom was an indication of a lack of arousal and/or interest and it did not surprise me one bit to see some guys comment that as far as they were concerned, if the other guy wasn’t fully erect, that meant he wasn’t aroused or interested and they’d take such a thing as a personal insult to them… and just like some women do. I felt my eyes rolling because the comments about this indicated to me that dudes don’t know as much about how their body works as they think they do. This is what I said to them:
“On the lack of arousal/interest thing, there are a lot of things that either make a guy lose his erection or not have one at certain times and, really, if he wasn’t interested in having sex, would he really be there? Some guys get overstimulated even before anything really gets going and maintaining an erection while physically or emotionally overstimulated is damn near impossible; sometimes, a guy can be so busy sucking cock and focusing on doing a good job of it that if he started out being hard, well, now he isn’t. I’m always down to suck dick and, no, I’m not always hard when I do it and I can assure you that I’m very much aroused and interested and if I have your cock in my mouth, um, that’s gonna be pretty damned obvious. As someone mentioned, not everyone can maintain an erection with a dick stuffed up their butt – doesn’t indicate a lack of interest.
Some guys get themselves so wound up about what’s about to happen that they couldn’t get hard even if they took Viagra; I’ve sucked many a dick that either didn’t rise to full mast or fell limp and because the guy was just too wired to relax and it doesn’t make the situation any better when they know they should be super-duper hard and they aren’t; they’re still very much interested but whatever’s going on in their head is neutralizing the process that produces and maintains erections. If you really want to know if he’s aroused and/or interested, don’t just look at his dick: Look at all of him, from his eyes to his nipples to even noticing if he has goosebumps even though it’s not cold or overly chilly. Watch him breathing; is he taking really deep breaths or a lot of fast, little ones? A guy on the verge of hyperventilating isn’t going to get or stay hard because his body will shift priorities from sexual arousal to getting enough oxygen into his blood so he won’t pass out. Are his pupils really dilated? Does he feel like he’s running a temperature when you touch him? Does he feel kinda cold and clammy? That’s an indication of extreme nervousness and there’s no way he’s getting an erection until he can stop being nervous.
Some guys jerk off before an encounter and then become a victim of refraction; in their minds, they’re ready to get it on and bust a second nut… but their body ain’t trying to hear any of that yet because it’s still in a recovery mode from masturbating. You jerk off and you expend the chemical cocktail that lends itself to arousal and erection; sometimes a guy can recover in a little as five minutes or it might take him hours to replace those expended chemicals but until he does, nope, he’s not gonna get hard no matter how interested he is. As the old saying goes, the mind is always willing but the flesh can be quite weak.
And then there’s this: A guy can start out very interested and eager to get it on… then change his mind about it and you might not be the reason he’s changed his mind but because he has, nope, no wood. And, seriously, if you don’t know why he’s not hard, um, ask him if he’s okay… because he might not be. I even have been with guys who have been quite hard and aroused and they’re telling me that they really don’t want to do this but their body has betrayed their thoughts, which is just a reminder that the mind isn’t always in control of things even when you think it is.”