And I thought that I wouldn’t have a TBT thing to write today…
So, the first thing I saw when I made my daily visit to the bi guy forum was someone asking a question, “What does your ideal guy look like?” and they went on to lay down a specific criteria of what that guy would have to meet right down to the size of the guy’s cock… and these guys wanna know why they’re still virgins when it comes to having sex with other guys?
It makes sense for a dude to ask himself what conditions would have to be in place in order for him to get naked and sweaty with another guy but I find that they’re already thinking about what they like and don’t like based upon anything other than an actual experience or they’ve put the cart before the horse and now they’re wondering why this doesn’t look right and, oh, yeah, it’s not working. I know that guys have access to all kinds of porn and that they even collect information from other men – and men who may or may not have had an experience and then base their criteria for doing the deed on this. Since they do this, they’re often dismayed to find themselves unable to get that first experience literally under their belt and because, right out of the gate, they’ve set the bar quite high.
The “ideal guy” specifications usually have everything to do with age, whether they’re height/weight proportionate, are stunningly handsome and, yes, cock size; some guys dip a toe into even specifying the exact mindset the ideal guy has to have, i.e., Mr. Ideal Guy has to think the exact same way that they do about this and while reading this particular thread, I started laughing and said, “Ha… they wanna have sex with themselves!” Once this humorous moment passed, I thought about something that it appears to me they don’t think about: A guy will do and say anything to have sex with you; it’s by any means, fair or foul. So, sure, there are times when such guys find Mr. Ideal Guy – the one who fits the description precisely – but then get all fucked up in the head because they didn’t really take into consideration what might be in the other guy’s mind about this and, yep, the fact that if this guy wants to have his way with you, he’s gonna tell you exactly what you want to hear in order to accomplish his goal… and not so much yours.
I get that, in this, one wants to proceed with caution because if nothing else, you’re looking to get into something that you really don’t know anything about and those guys who think they do know about this usually find out that they really didn’t know shit. So because they don’t wanna make a mistake, the “best” way is to lay down the conditions and specifications that, ideally, will prevent a mistake from happening and provide that perfect sexual experience… like that’s really gonna happen. The truth and reality is that most first experiences for men in this tend to be disasters because they find out that what they thought and what really happens isn’t the same thing and then due to things that they never considered, like, you can talk to a guy about sex but how he behaves during sex can be very damned different.
Like, one guy thought he’d met Mr. Ideal Guy and was ready to get it done… until the other guy kissed him. He was totally bummed out and when I read this I muttered, “Did it not occur to you that some men want to have sex with other men and in the same way they’d have sex with a woman? And didn’t you stop to think that if the guy is gay, um…?” Apparently, this guy never bothered to factor this in when he set up his conditions and specifications and, for him, this was an epic failure.
So what’s the best way to approach this? Don’t go into this with any preconceived notions and/or expectations. I’m not saying it’s wrong to try to establish some preferences before the fact but I am saying that hanging your hat on those preferences might be a mistake. If “Gary” wants to get into some mutual cock sucking with another guy, okay, fine – that’s a good starting goal to have… but when you start nitpicking things and tacking conditions and other such stuff, you’re pretty much making sure that you’re not gonna find out what it’s like to suck cock as you wanted to. You probably wouldn’t want to say yes to the first guy who hits on you and some due diligence is called for… but do all of it including asking every question you can think of and while always keeping firmly in mind that the guy you’re talking to just might be telling you what you wanna hear so he can get at you.
Guys ask me what my ideal guy looks like and my answer is, “He’s clean, healthy, his dick works, he’s not my idea of an asshole… and he says yes.” They ask, “Don’t you care about his looks or the size of his cock?” Nope… because looks aren’t everything and despite what we tend to believe, the size of a guy’s cock isn’t a true indicator that whatever sex you’re gonna have with him will be satisfying. But then, unlike some of these guys, I learned all of this by actually doing it and I sometimes liken this to buying a pair of shoes: You know (or should know) what size shoe you wear but you should still try them on before you buy them cause the shoe may or may not fit you comfortably; sometimes, that size 11 might really be a rather tight size 10 1/2 and because of manufacturing variances.
You just do not know what you don’t know and while a lot of this is, in fact, an intellectual exercise, you’re not really gonna know if the guy is gonna be the kind of guy you wanna have sex with until you put on your big boy pants and have sex with him. Does Mr. Ideal Guy exist? Well, until you actually meet him, the only place he exists is in your mind and you’d do well to be aware of the fact that Mr. Ideal Guy just might be the guy who doesn’t match the description you’re hanging your hopes on. In this, I like to butcher a line from the movie, “Robocop” where the bad guy said, “Good business is where you find it!” My version is, “‘Good sex is where you find it…” and I know, even if some men don’t, that good sex isn’t always found in the places you think it should be.