Not too long after Cityman kicked off a great discussion between us about straight guys who are interested in cock, he turns right around and sends me a link to a two-year old Reddit post where a guy asks – and I’m paraphrasing a little here – what is it with men in their forties and turning to having sex with men? Some of the comments that weren’t of the “I don’t know” variety pointed to things generational and guys growing up in the 1980s and 1990s being taught that they could be and/or do anything if they put their minds to it, work hard, etc., and sexual attitudes were once again starting to loosen up after an explosive beginning back when the sexual revolution took everyone by storm and with the motto, “If it feels good, do it!”
The posting sparked another great conversation about whether or not this is really a generational or evolutionary kind of thing and, admittedly, I have the advantage of being into this before the 1980s arrived and had seen (and often first hand) where middle-aged guys “suddenly” developed an interest in having sex with other men or, in a lot of cases, they’re thinking about making a return to something they were doing before adulthood landed on them so now something they may have dismissed as youthful experimentation now takes on a very different meaning along with an inexplicable sense of urgency. For the men who somehow managed not to get caught up in any experimentation, they’re often shocked to have gotten to their late thirties/early forties and after x-amount of time chasing (and catching) women and getting married, now they’re wondering what the hell is going on with them and this urge to find out what it’s like to play with a dick in some way.
Today, I get to interact with some of these guys on the bi forum and this “mid-life crisis” is usually a hot topic of discussion and it all sounds familiar to me because these guys are finding out what guys in past generations also discovered; of course, this is something new to them – well, those guys who never fooled around in their younger days – but there are a lot of guys who did fool around, stepped away from it to take up their manly duties but are now a bit baffled as to why a childhood dalliance has returned to haunt their thoughts and having their underwear stretched out of shape due to the constant erections they have… and wondering why this has returned with a vengeance.
I’m no expert by any means but even I noticed this way back in the day and wondered about it – I still wonder about it and because I’ve yet to find a definitive answer although I am aware of things that can happen in a man’s life that can trigger an entry into the world of man-sex or, again, a reentry and many of them are what I’d call social pressures from being unsuccessful with women, being stressed, depressed, frustrated and even wondering whether or not chasing women and screwing them is all there is to sex or, as I like to quote a guy who I talked to about this years ago, “Shit, I’ve done everything you can do with a woman so this is the next thing to try!” And, yes, one can justifiably blame it on the alcohol and other intoxicants that are known to remove inhibitions.
Part of our discussion yesterday had to do with the conversation we had the other day, the premise that all men have homosexual tendencies. Now, some folks like to leave that statement right there and cause a great many men to rise up (and not in an exciting way) and protest such a blanketed statement and to profess that they don’t have a homosexual bone in their bodies. What’s more of an accurate statement is that the potential is there; it’s encoded into us over human evolution and I like to think in the way that famous science experiment done with flatworms work (but not as gruesome): You take a flatworm and teach it to do something and once it has it down pat, you cut it up and feed it to other flatworms… who can now do the trick the original flatworm learned. We know that somewhere in our evolutionary history, two guys “discovered” having sex with each other and despite what polite society wants to believe, the practice has been ongoing ever since and because it happen so long ago that there aren’t that many written records that have survived, one can reasonably say that dudes doing dudes is a learned behavior and similar to the flatworm experiment so that over the many generations of men, um, we’ve all “learned the trick” even if we never actually do it but even those who study sexual history say that the potential is there and that seems (at the least) plausible because, er, um, homosexuals still exist and bisexuals have existed right along side them.
Whether a guy actually does something along these lines or not is another topic of discussion but I’d point to the fact that boys will be boys and it is well-known that some boys do experiment in this area and while one can point to the onset of puberty and raging hormones as a reason, it seems to me that this huge surge of hormonal activity is, in and of itself, a trigger… but thanks to social conditioning, some guys react immediately and experiment while others avoid going down this path – or it just flat-out passes them over and maybe, just maybe, catches up with them later on… or even not at all. Still, one of the points I made to Cityman is that this has always happened to middle-aged guys and, again, it can be reasonably assumed that it was happening before I was born so this really isn’t some new behavioral trait being displayed and I concede the fact that social attitudes about sex and specially homosexual sex have been changing over all this time and despite the angst that’s always been in place about such things.
Because there are guys out there right now, with or without prior experience, who wants to find out what it’s like to have some kind of sex with another man. Thanks to the bi guy forum, I get to read about what’s on the minds of men who fit into this category and while none of this surprises me, what does surprise me isn’t that they want to do something – it’s what they want to experience or experience again that often has me saying to myself, “Wow.” Yep, the proliferation of porn, thanks to the Internet, has been known to play a role in this and, at least in my opinion, is yet another trigger; in the pre-Internet days, it was other forms of porn like magazines or those infamous “dirty books” many dads would keep hidden from young, impressionable male minds and unsuccessfully so. I’ve talked to a lot of guys who’ve said that they’ve been watching straight porn with unabashed glee and then find themselves wondering what it would be like to experience what the woman on the screen is experiencing when she sucks dick and gets screwed in her other available holes. Some guys stumble upon gay porn and for some it’s like coming upon the scene of a bad accident: You don’t want to look but you can’t keep yourself from looking and some guys look and they get triggered… and now it becomes a matter of what, if anything, happens after that moment and if they’ve decided to act, well, where’s the best place to start?
Some guys who have decided to act just dive right in and do it all the first chance they get but for other guys, it’s like a progression – they start small and graduate from there based on what they’re learning. A lot of guys start with mutual masturbation – and that’s after they get over any modesty issues they might have being naked in front of another man. Some guys start here and stay here but it always seemed to me – and having gone through this progression with guys – that it starts with jerking each other off and somewhere along the line the thought of taking the dick in their mouth just seems to be the next logical thing to do; guys have said that they’ve been pulling the other guy’s pud and they suddenly want to find out what his cock will taste and feel like in his mouth and, yeah, even though they know what might happen if they do; some guys have a problem with this, some don’t but that’s a different discussion. A lot of guys get to the blow job “phase” of the progression and stop there but, yeah, some guys take the next and “final” step and move onto anal sex and either being the one doing the poking or being the one getting poked.
Again, that this happens once a guy gets triggered no longer surprises me but what does is when I see a middle age guy write that even though he’s yet to have sex with another guy, he knows, without any doubt or uncertainty, that his craving for cock will only be satisfied when he can find another guy who will fill his mouth and ass with hard dick and, oh, yeah, some of these guys say that they don’t watch gay porn because, um, you know, that would be horribly embarrassing and all that. What amazes me is how some guys can know this and more so if they’ve never done this before and, porn aside, wow, just trying to think about this kinda makes my brain lock up and the best I can do with this is to think that once they’ve been triggered, they’ve had time to think about what they want to experience and as some have said, what turns them on the most is to be a bottom and to be taken by a man and in the way a guy would do a woman. Some guys want to start small and ask how they can find a jerk-off buddy while some guys skip this step and what they want to do is to suck cock – and I’m talking about the guys with no prior experience. One of the forum’s recurring topics comes from those middle-aged guys who now have an irresistible urge to blow another guy and taste his spunk… and many don’t care if the favor gets returned or not and some of those middle-aged guys are not fans of being sucked.
Are you scratching your head? Yeah, so am I and that’s despite my having seen guys go through this and it all still makes me wonder if is “just” ongoing evolutionary process, a lessening of social angst, or even a bit of both. I even suggested to Cityman (and not for the first time) that all he had to do was to look at his own initiation into this kind of sex to get an idea of how a guy can get triggered “late in life,” as well as examples of what could have triggered him and, then, how easily albeit nervously, he had his first encounter with a guy. I like to yank his chain a little and ask him if he noticed that when he sucked the other guy’s cock, how natural the idea was and, for added chain-yanking, how he seemed to know exactly how to do something that he never did before that moment and, oh, yeah, he did it without even thinking about it. I mean, I see lots of guys on the forum (and have talked to many more in the past) and I noticed that while a scant few of them want to know how to suck cock, ah, many of them want to know what it will be like for them more than wondering how to actually go about doing it… and there’s a reason for that and, methinks, beyond which can be reasonably assumed and unless proven otherwise, there must be some evolutionary thing at work here and perhaps alongside of the obvious; they’ve had women suck them so they’ve seen it done so how to do it isn’t really the question… but it doesn’t explain the many guys who have never had a blow job, does it? Well, porn would be an acceptable answer if a guy watched it… and not all guys do (despite popular belief) so maybe it’s just a matter of they know that it can be done and they just take it from there.
What’s really going on here? At best I have an idea based on what I’ve observed and experienced and I know and accept that I could be wrong. I’ve seen articles that try to explain this and some tend to point at things that, frankly, doesn’t jive with my experiences and observations and often just flat-out doesn’t make a lot of sense to me which, really, only speaks to the fact that scientifically, we really don’t know why this happens with some men later in life (post-puberty). I think it’s a good thing that we’re trying to get a handle on this, which speaks to the lessening of the social angst and more so when there are a lot of men (in particular) who are experiencing this and they need answers, not about what to do but why this is happening to them now… or they need to revisit things they gave up on so long ago.
Does life’s many pressure points push people to being bisexual… or is there something primal that resides in all of us that just lies dormant until activated in some way? Some guys get triggered… and do nothing except maybe wonder where this came from so despite what the biphobia crowd likes to think, this isn’t always a matter of thinking and doing being the same thing… but, yeah, some guys do think and eventually do. Oh, and if you’re wondering if women go through this kind of thing, it’s a good question and one that I don’t have an answer to other than some women have told me that they’ve wondered about it but remain mum about whether they actually checked it out or not but, ah, just because they don’t (or won’t) talk about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen with them as well.
Why bother talking about stuff like this? It’s because people tend to pay more attention to what a bisexual may or may not be doing and not so much why they’re doing… or just thinking about doing. Perhaps it’s just my opinion but paying attention to what bisexuals do doesn’t really tell the whole story and that’s even if anyone cares to know the why of this. But for bisexuals, both active and those who are itching to be active, this can be helpful information for them when they’re sitting around and wondering why they have such a strong urge to play with a dick in some way when, to their knowledge, they’ve had no inclination before.