In my time, I’ve seen male bisexuality go through changes, from subtle to, “Wait, what?” Once upon a time, if a guy showed any interest in other guys, he’d get tagged with unflattering labels – faggot, sissy, punk, and queer just to name a few. Such a thing was, of course, associated with homosexual men – and men who were, um, rather swishy and limp-wristed – so it just “made sense” that any guy interested in exploring sex with another guy had to fall into this category. Bi guys – aka switch hitters – were more of a joke and a mild insult compared to being tagged as gay. It was just laughable that a guy would want to hit for both teams.
Decades later, a new mindset came into existence and one that said that if two guys wanted to get together and, say, suck each other off, well, there’s nothing “girly” about this; just because two guys would hook up and fuck each other didn’t mean that the guy being fucked was gay, girly, or whatever. It’s just “boys being boys” and a manly thing to do; guy’s tagged as being femmes were [still] being frowned upon so when one was on the prowl for likeminded guys, only real men should apply.
I’m still at a bit of a loss figuring out this “real man” thing but it was a major change from my perspective because, prior to this, your best option if (in particular) you wanted to bone a guy in the butt was to seek out guys who were more “girly.” I’m not even sure why this change came about since prior to this, if you sucked cock or liked getting screwed, you were a punk-assed bitch… and now if you didn’t do either of these things, you’re a punk-assed bitch.
Guys hooked up, even before the advent of the Internet, smartphones, and apps. Maybe “hooking up” was just an euphemism for dating but the school of thought was that guy’s don’t date other guys; we meet, hook up, get together, hang out, etc., because to say that “Roy” is going on a date with “Arnie” implied there was something going on between them other than sex, like a relationship… and only gay men have relationships with other men. Even after the Internet changed everyone’s way of doing things and the proliferation of “dating” apps, guys still didn’t date each other – you might meet at Dunkin’ Donuts for coffee or meet at a bar for a drink or two before heading off to have sex… but you sure as hell wasn’t on a date.
Once upon a time, when two guys got together for sex, it was quite no nonsense: Meet up, get naked, get dicks hard, and make them soft again. No hugging, cuddling, kissing allowed or even required and it was my thought that men developed this habit because – and I will apologize to every woman reading this – they go through this dealing with women so cutting this part out and getting right to the business at hand made sense and more so since, in the world of the hookup, all that other stuff took time that one may not have had. This cut to the chase attitude also seem to give birth to a lot of rudeness seen on the many apps and websites created for this purpose. No time for talking, don’t really want to know a whole lot about you other than what you like to do, the size of your dick, and can we hook this up in the next five minutes?
One of the things I’ve been seeing over, oh, the last couple of years, is a move to normalize M2M stuff or, to be blunt, approaching this in similar ways that a guy would go about dealing with women. Guys are more worried about being into a guy (and that guy being into him) than I’ve ever seen before; guys don’t want to hook up – they want to date other men and as they would with women, up to and including giving them gifts on that first date.
I’d never say that there’s anything wrong with this… but I am beginning to wonder why some guys feel and/or believe that they should deal with other guys in a similar manner that is “normally” associated with women. Again, ladies, I mean no offense to y’all whatsoever – I’m just writing what I’ve been observing and, yeah, this is a strange departure from the ways things used to flow. Indeed, a lot of budding bisexuals are of a mind that there’s something wrong with them if they don’t have any romantic notions regarding men; they just wanna have sex. And there are guys who are of a mind that if all you’re interested in is the sex, well, you’re doing it all wrong, fella!
Today, there is more of a trend toward obtaining a Friend With Benefits and what I often find a little funny is that a lot of guys who are searching for Mr. Right don’t seem to understand that FWB is, in fact, a relationship… even though they say that they don’t wanna be in a relationship with other men. Sound a little confusing? Join the club. Again,, not saying there’s anything wrong here – I just find it amusing and maybe a bit disturbing at times.
When two guys decide to have sex, is kissing and cuddling mandatory? Seems like some guys think so and it’s making some men… squeamish to think about that, saying that kissing and cuddling is too intimate for their sensibilities and it makes me wonder if they really understand what being intimate really means. Today I read a post by a guy who said he wants to suck cock… but kissing and cuddling are too intimate for him…
What, like sucking another man’s cock isn’t intimate? And would you believe that some guys believe that a blow job isn’t intimate? Even my protege once said that it seemed kinda silly that a dude can suck a dick and even want to eat ass… but won’t kiss another guy… because that’s too intimate a thing to do.
Are bi guys unconsciously trying to normalize things by applying the same techniques and behaviors they’ve know with women to interacting with men? I’m not sure and a lot more observation is called for… but when I see a guy saying that he’s not gonna have sex with a guy without some being into in place, hmm, that might be what’s going on with this and more so when there are now guys saying that there will be no sex on the first date… or even the second.
Does this sound familiar? It should because it’s the exact same thing I’ve heard women say. On the bi guy forum, I’ve seen guys who are “all about just the sex” get picked on for having casual sex and there’s no investment – that being into thing. The guys in this camp say that if there’s no being into, there’s no sex happening; at the same time, a lot of the guys in this camp are wondering why they’re still sitting on the bench. They seem to “insist” that there’s a right and a wrong way to be bisexual when, in my experience, there is no right or wrong way to go about dealing with your craving for cock – you get out there and do things the way you want to do them so, yeah, if “Carl” wants to date and court “Alex” and as he’d date “Karen” – and he’s gonna make the same “demands” on Alex as Karen would make Carl abide by, well, if that works for you, handle it. Just the same, if these hypothetical guys wanna meet somewhere, skip the prelims, and get right to making each other cum, that works, too.
Even I’ve said that you don’t have to be head over heels crazy about a guy – you just have to like (and trust) him enough to have sex with him; if things blossom beyond that – and one should never assume that they can’t or won’t – then it’ll be fine or it won’t be depending on one’s situation. At the least, you wind up in a FWB situation – all of the perks, none of the responsibilities – but guys do tend to deal with this as if it’s truly a committed relationship, i.e., exclusivity is often a mandatory requirement.
Is this the new normal in male bisexuality? I don’t know… but I’m gonna keep observing and trying to make sense of what I’m seeing…