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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Being on the Bottom

11 Mar

Sodomy, buggering, fudge packing, and cornholing are just a few words for something that can be very scary or a joy to end all joys.  Of course I’m talking about anal sex and if any of these words are sending a shiver up and down your spine and you’re getting that look on your face, you’re at least familiar with the scary aspects.  This isn’t a scribble about health issues and it’s not so much a “how-to” scribble but as I scanned the available topics on the bi guy forum and peeped a few updated topics, I was reminded of how many guys on this site are either devoted bottoms or they aspire to be a bottom if/when they ever get off the bench and into the game.

It’s not so much that guys screw each other in the butt – yeah, like no one knows that this happens – but one of the M2M sexual roles that some guys just live for while others would rather not experience.  One reason why they’d take a zero on being buggered is that it’s no secret that, um, it hurts going in and I’m sure there aren’t many of you reading this who haven’t heard volumes of horror stories about just how much it does hurt.  Some guys write that they’d like to be screwed but, damn, that whole pain thing – and even if they’ve never experienced it – can make a guy think twice about actualizing something they may see when watching porn.  Guys will ask at times what one can do to make this less painful and the answer is usually, “Not a whole lot – ya just learn how to deal with it.”  At one point, there was a lubricant that had a topical anesthetic mixed in that served a dual purpose – on the one hand, it desensitized a guy’s boner enough to extend his ability to lay the pipe while, on the other, numbing the recipient’s hole enough to take the edge off the pain of entry.

These days a lot of guys are sniffing poppers – amyl, butyl, isobutyl, isopropyl or pentyl nitrite – that serve two purposes when cock meets butt.  For one, these chemicals can produce feelings of euphoria and the other effect is that they cause relaxation in certain muscles, like the anal sphincter and it’s that relaxation that makes it possible for a guy to get speared in the butt and, along with the euphoria, perhaps not even really notice the other guy’s entry.  Some say poppers enhance this sexual experience while some find that sniffing one of these nitrites isn’t as much fun as some say it is.

Given this and a few other things, one might wonder why a guy would want to get corn-holed in the first place.  Some are just curious about what it feels like to be fucked and I don’t know too many guys who hasn’t asked a woman that at least once in their life.  Some guys are very much aware of their sexuality and now it’s a matter of deciding which sexual role best fits what’s going on inside their head.  One of the changes I’ve seen over the years is that there are a lot of guys who are bottoms and more than I can recall in my time.  There have always been guys willing to be screwed and inseminated and, no, not all of them have been feminine homosexual men; when I see a group of men complaining that they are having a hard time (no pun) finding guys to top them, I’m thinking that the ratio of tops to bottoms has seriously changed because in the past, there always seemed to be more guys wanting to do the poking than there were guys who wanted to be poked.

The number two most asked question on the bi guy forum is, “What does it feel like to be screwed?”  You see, we can watch porn – and, yes, even straight porn – and see anal sex being done but what one can’t “see” is what it feels like because, you know, anyone you see getting boned in the butt may or may not be displaying what they’re really feeling because, um, they’re actors.  Guys have written that they’ve watched gay porn and get really turned on to watch a guy getting the high hard one and it sounds like just what the doctor ordered for the way they’re looking at their sexuality.  Y’all know me – I’m the guy who’ll tell them that getting a ten-inch erection shoved into your butt isn’t as easy as porn makes it look but, hey, if you think that it is that easy, go for it… then come back and share your reality with us.

Does it feel good to be screwed?  Well, um, yeah, it does once you’ve managed to condition your mind and body for it.  On the other side of this coin, uh, does it hurt going in?  Yep, it sure does and, yep, the pain and discomfort does go away at some point but a lot of guys find that being on the bottom isn’t quite the fun thing they thought it to be because they find that they’re paying a whole lot of attention to the moment of entry than anything else so, sure, when your brain is trying to deal with this invasion, it’s not so simple to focus on what feels good about it.  Some guys employ dildos and other toys to not only condition themselves to being entered and for some, that works… but it’s not really the same as having a living, breathing, and horny dude working to get into your butt; if you’re buggering yourself with a toy, ya might be tempted to take it easier than some dude who’s caught up in his lust and the single-minded purpose of busting a nut in your backside.

Why do some guys prefer to be on the bottom?  There are a lot of reasons and, oddly enough, one of the reasons is that they really enjoy that “girly” feeling of being screwed.  Now, of course, I’m not even trying to offend any women reading this but even I know that being screwed makes a guy feel this way because, of course, we’re taught that being screwed is something only women should be subjected to so when you find yourself doing something that only women are supposed to do, you really get to understand a few things, like, why women like being screwed and the things they have to endure when being screwed.  Some guys revel in these things while others have a difficult time reconciling that girly feeling.  Cityman is one of those guys who has an issue with that feeling and he’s asked me how one avoids this rather unsettling feeling… and the answer is that you don’t and can’t avoid it – you just learn to take what feels like a negative emotion and turn it around so that you can find the pleasure in it.  It’s not easy to do and, um, er, there have been times when I’ve been on the bottom and my mind is screaming at me, “Hey!  He’s screwing you like you’re a girl!”  It can be an ugly feeling and one that clashes with one’s sense of masculinity so, at least on paper, it’s about not listening to this part of you and focusing on being screwed and finding the pleasure in it – and it can be done.

I recall a guy on the forum writing some time ago, “Fuck me like the bitch I am!” (or something like that) and what kinda surprised me wasn’t that this guy said this; it was how many guys agreed with what was said and there were a lot of guys who echoed that sentiment.  It said to me that getting fucked wasn’t just about the physical aspects or the rush of taking a very old taboo and smashing it into dust; there’s an emotional aspect to this as well.  No, it’s not emotional as in you’re gonna fall in love with the guy creaming your hole; for some guys, being on the bottom means they’re not the ones initiating sex, not the one tasked with performance excellence.  They’ve learned and/or have found that being the one subjected to being fucked just makes them feel… more complete, more whole as a person – it’s not easy to explain.

The men I call dedicated bottoms accept the feminine role in sex; they’re the ones who love to suck cock and if they don’t get sucked in return, eh, it’s no big deal and some just don’t want to be bothered with being sucked.  Cock sucking aside, these guys live to be on their knees, on their side, on top, and/or on their backs and having their forbidden zone filled with hard cock and exulting in the moment when they feel the other guy ejaculating – whether in a condom or without one.  Cityman asked me what it is about that moment that makes everything you experienced prior to that worth the aggravation… and I admit to being at a loss for words to really explain it even though I know what it feels like.  As an analogy of sorts, I asked him if he’s ever noticed that when he’s had sex with women, at the moment he cums inside them, their whole demeanor kinda changes.   Yeah, sometimes it can be that they’re relieved that homey is finally done but there’s something about feeling a dick going through the motions of ejaculation that seems to hit the lizard parts of our brains in the right place and in the right way.

There is a reason why some women get pretty pissed off if you don’t cum and there are a lot of guys who get equally unhappy if he doesn’t cum.  In true, porn money-shot fashion, some guys are thrilled getting reamed out, home boy withdraws, and sprays a load of seed all over him and some guys are of the mind that if you don’t unload in their butt, that’s a problem that will be addressed momentarily.  That moment just hits the right spots in our pleasure centers and in ways that if one tried to put it into words, what usually comes out is, “It feels good…”

Now, the role of being a bottom and how I’ve seen it played out.  In my own experiences, there was a “fairness” at play; if you were “man” enough to dish it out, you had to be “man” enough to take it, too, and if, by chance, you weren’t that fond of being fucked, well, deal with it because no other way was really acceptable and many guys would get their hole stretched and creamed because, well, it was their turn to be on the receiving end.  Time moves on and I saw a kind of “dominance” at play; the guys who were deemed “inferior” were relegated to the feminine role – the guys who were overweight, not exactly the outgoing type, and the guy with the smaller cock was included in this group.  And keep in mind that I’m not talking about or including feminine gay men in this.  It was kinda like the imposition of one’s will and the guy who “lost” this battle would be the one on the bottom.  Time zips ahead and the guys who would top and bottom – the versatile guys – were kinda reemerging but “fairness” had nothing to do with it – these guys were just comfortable and happy in either role and they represented the more flexible aspects of M2M.  There still seemed to be more tops than any other kind of guy but then, things changed once again.

Where, let’s say, the guy with the bigger dick would be the top and the guy with the smaller one would be the bottom, well, that seemed to switch up; a guy could have meat literally hanging down to his knees and you’d think he’s be the top and you’d be wrong about that.  The “thug mentality” came along and, at least in my mind, made a big change in the top/bottom dynamic and stated that you could be on the receiving end of a hard cock and not be seen as “the girl” in the act; indeed, “flip-flopping” seemed to be revived because if you were man enough to fuck a guy in the ass, you were also man enough to bend over and spread your cheeks as well.  While M2M is kinda looked at in terms more relevant to BDSM – dominant and submissive – there seems to be an emergence of guys who, when it comes to playing with dick, wants to be submissive.  Being a bottom today means you do all of the cock sucking and getting your hole creamed is not only a given but is very much an expectation and being used like the bitch the guy wants to be doesn’t seem to be a badge of dishonor like it was in the past.

To be fucked no longer means that you’re less of a man any more than sucking cock is a sign of a lack of masculinity; indeed, and as I’ve written before, the school of thought seems to be that if you’re not down with this, your masculinity could be called into question.  I will point out, however, that the guys who say this the most are also the guys who, um, wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end themselves.  Despite the inherent risks of this kind of sex, it seems to me that a lot more men are more than willing to be subjected to having their backside blissfully pounded and, oh, yeah, the bigger and fatter the dick in them, the better the experience.  It makes me blink a few times to see guys on the forum writing and essentially saying that if the guy doesn’t have a big, fat dick, it’s a deal breaker for them.

Finally (and y’all are probably breathing a sigh of relief that I’m almost done with this), some guys wind up gravitating to the bottom role because things like erectile dysfunction (ED) has robbed them of their ability to lay pipe.  It reminds me of the man I talked with years ago who, at the time, was in his mid-sixties.  He’d shared with me that he was bisexual all of his life and enjoyed sucking cock as well as being on top or on the bottom.  But time and age caught up with him; ED landed on him hard and prostate cancer came along and called for the removal of his prostate and whatever ability he had to ejaculate right along with it.  He told me that while this was a pretty miserable series of events for him, he still loved dick enough to be a “full-time” bottom.  He said, “I can’t get hard like I used to and while I can experience an orgasm, I can’t bust a nut anymore… so it seems to me that the right thing for me to do going forward is to suck dick and let guys fill my ass with dick and cum…”

 
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Posted by on 11 March 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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