Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Internalized What?

23 Mar

I just gotta write about this.  See, there’s a guy on the bi guy forum (whose name I’m not gonna mention) who, at times, can be such a buzz-kill when a guy shares an experience and the way he does this is that whenever a guy talks about something that didn’t happen during an encounter, internalized biphobia is the real problem at work.  I don’t mean to disrespect the guy but I’m not sure he understands, first, what a phobia is – an irrational fear.  Now, if you know how phobias affect people – and whether their fear is irrational or very real to them – in most cases, having a phobia will prevent people from being involved with anything that might trigger that phobia.

So, without getting into any revealing details, a guy who is a self-professed bottom, did something he said he rarely does:  He topped a guy.  He shared that he had a good time doing it like that but his only “regret” was that the other guy wasn’t into kissing and cuddling; the sex got started, got finished, both men got dressed and went on about their business.  The buzz-killer comes along and comments that the kissing and cuddling didn’t happen as the OP wanted because of – wait for it – internalize biphobia on the part of the other guy.

You know, I can’t fathom why someone who feels they’re suffering from biphobia – and by its alleged definition is an irrational fear of bisexuality/bisexuals – would do the one thing that makes them want to soil themselves or give them endless nights of recurring nightmares.  Do some guys just wanna get right to it, have sex, bust a nut, and call it a day?  Of course they do… and even if it wouldn’t be a bad thing for some kissing and cuddling – before and after the fact – would work.  Do some guys want to do the “blow and go” because, for one, they lose their desire for sex after busting a nut or, for another thing, they feel some guilt after cumming so doing some after sex cuddling is gonna make them feel worse about what they just did?  Well, yeah; those two things are things that happen even when we don’t want them to or, perhaps naively, think they shouldn’t happen… doesn’t mean there’s anything that remotely resembles biphobia going on.  Is it true that some men believe that in some situations, kissing is much to intimate for them or feel that kissing and cuddling with a man is just “too gay” for them to do?  Yes, indeed it is and even as funny as that might sound.  Shit, it’s just as true that some guys know they’re lousy kissers so, um, let’s not do that and just get to the business at hand, okay?

I don’t doubt that there are people who believe themselves to be suffering from biphobia.  But if this phobia doesn’t seem to make any real sense, well, neither does a guy suffering from biphobia… but he wants to suck cock and all that jazz.  Now, they say that the best way to conquer a fear is to face it and it’s true that people with, ah, more established phobias do their level best to survive in an environment that also includes their phobia, like people who have a fear of thunderstorms; you can’t escape them so all these poor souls can do is their level best not to succumb to the fear.  But someone with biphobia can easily avoid their fear of this by not doing anything that will invoke that fear so, um, no – you don’t avoid a fear of bisexuality/bisexuals by getting naked with a guy and gleefully get your cookies crumbled.

I think Mr. Buzz-kill gets biphobia confused with feelings of guilt and, as mentioned, a lot of guys feel a great deal of guilt after the fact; the rules say that you should have not spent the last hour or so sucking each other’s dick…  didn’t stop the dicks from getting sucked, did it?  I think that Mr. Buzz-kill believes, like so many others, that sex is supposed to happen in a specific way or order; you kiss and cuddle before the fact as a part of foreplay, maybe do some kissing during sex and when it’s over and done with, there’s more kissing and cuddling that has to be done.  Or maybe that’s the way he likes to do things… doesn’t mean that everyone wants or needs to do it like this because sometimes, all you wanna do is get right to the business of getting laid… because that’s what best satisfies the need or that’s all you have time for.  Sometimes I get the impression that Mr. Buzz-kill believes that men should have sex with each other the same way we have sex with women.  Not saying that there’s anything wrong with that but, um, well, we know – or we should know – that women often need foreplay to get up to speed… but guys are already going at 100 mph before they even start to get undressed.  Still, fore- and after-play is a part of being intimate but what cracks me up is how many people who think that giving head and/or fucking aren’t just as – or even more – intimate than kissing is.

I know some guys will not suck cock or be fucked because it’s too gay for them, again, a really odd way of looking at it because that same guy doesn’t seem to have any qualms about letting a guy suck his dick or turning around and sinking his dick into the other guy’s ass, you know, like doing that is neither intimate nor gay.  Is the guy who refuses to do this stuff suffering from some kind of internalized biphobia?  I’d have to say no because, again, people who suffer from phobias will go out of their way to avoid that which they’re afraid of and at every chance they get to avoid it.  Okay… are there guys who feel that having sex with another guy is gonna turn them into flaming homosexuals?  Yep, there sure are and,yep, it’s why some guys are still sitting on the bench when, in their heart of hearts, they don’t wanna be benched.  Is it a phobia?  Sure, it’s a form of homophobia but the point here is that people who are homophobic, generally, do not do homophobic things.  Ever.  You can’t always avoid coming in contact with a homosexual because you can’t always tell whether someone is a homosexual but if it can be avoided, it will be avoided so, um, no – if “Pete” is homophobic, the chances that he’s gonna agree to exchange blow jobs with another guy are slim and none; he’d rather eat shit and die before he’d do that.

So if biphobia works along the same lines – and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to look at it like that, er, um, what fucking sense does it make for a guy with biphobia to want to be locked in a nice 69 with another guy or be poking each other in the butt?  Now, if this guy is, in fact, facing his fears in order to conquer them, that makes sense… but a lot of phobias are quite debilitating and inhibiting; I’ve seen ultra-macho guys freak the hell out because there’s a spider creeping across their path; I’ve seen those same kind of macho guys literally hurt themselves to get away from a mouse… or cats, or anything else they’re afraid of.  So guys with internalized biphobia getting down and dirty with another guy?  Maybe it’s just me, folks, but I just don’t see how that works.  Is it – or could it be true – that there are some folks who are irrationally afraid that they might just be bisexual?  I suppose… just like I suppose those folks aren’t having same sex encounters.

It bothers the shit out of me to see some of the shit that’s being said about bisexuality because a lot of it is very similar to what I’ve heard said about homosexuality so from my point of view, those folks who are dead-set against non-heteronormative behaviors are just changing targets; instead of their ire being directed at homosexuals,well, there’s always those damned bisexuals to pick on, right?  I find it kinda disturbing that there are folks who feel that, in this case, men should interact with other men and in the same way they’d interact with women and, indeed, there are some who firmly believe that bisexuality has to be an even playing field or, whatever you’d do with a woman, you should do the exact same things with a guy… except we – as men – don’t always want or need to have such involved sex; sometimes, what we want to do is have sex without all the “fussiness” – just whip it out, get it hard, make it soft again and it’s off to the next thing on our list of things to do.  Shit, even women at times don’t want to go through all the fussiness; just throw her down, get it in her, work it until nuts gets busted – and let’s get dressed and go on with things.  Like there’s something wrong with wanting a quickie every now and then…?

Whenever Mr. Buzz-kill starts this internalized biphobia stuff, I can’t help it – I gotta smack his fingers for not only bringing it up but for spoiling the joy guys feel when they’ve done something that they had fun doing – and even if all the “I’s” and “T’s” don’t get crossed as they may have preferred.  It doesn’t mean that because some guys ain’t into kissing and cuddling, they’re not bisexual… and it sure as hell doesn’t mean that they have some sense of biphobia going on in their head – that would be the head attached to their neck, by the way.  Yes, it is true that a guy will feel some guilt before the fact about getting ready – or even wanting – to do it with another guy… and most guys are able to ignore it because, um, they wanna have sex.  It is true that a guy will cum and no matter what he’s thinking, bleh, any further acts of intimacy just ain’t gonna happen; that refractory period after ejaculation is a motherfucker and a half and it seems to me that it’s during the onset of this that a lot of guys will get hammered by guilt… doesn’t change the fact that they did whatever they did and had fun doing it… just like it doesn’t change the fact that the next time they get a chance to do it, they’re gonna do it.

Internalized biphobia my left nut…  I’m not a fan of kissing and cuddling with guys and I can assure you that there’s nothing biphobic about me.  If a guy just wants to do the deed and get in the wind afterward, okay, that works because chances are that I’ve got other things that require my attention as well.  It’s not gonna hurt my feelings one bit if a guy says he’s not into kissing and cuddling and I’m not gonna think there’s anything wrong with that and I’m sure as hell not gonna start thinking that he’s suffering from an irrational fear.  I am well aware that there are bi guys who are concerned with the consequences of their actions and that being concerned about something isn’t the same as having a fear of something.  I’m also aware that one reason why some guys wanna do the blow and go thing because they don’t need the extra intimacy that kissing and cuddling brings to the table; they just wanna get each other off and get in the wind, not because of some imagined, irrational fear of bisexuality but just because that’s exactly what the doctor ordered for that moment…

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Posted by on 23 March 2018 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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