There are a lot of downsides to being bisexual, from being put under the microscope and criticized for their preferred way to have sex to trying to deal with being bisexual while being ensconced in a relationship… to the ever-present threat of being one of those unlucky people and catch an STI/STD. One can hit the CDC website and take a look at the numbers and how things are broken down demographically and they are startling and eye-opening; statistically, it’s some scary shit and for newbie bi guys, this is one of the things that they’re justifiably and understandably concerned about.
Some guys are so afraid of catching something that it’s one of the main reasons why they’re still sitting on the porch and, I swear, listening to what a lot of them say – and how they say it – you’d think that they’re of a mind that if they even touch another man’s cock, they’re gonna instantly catch something and, indeed, there are those who write about stuff like this who’d have you believe that if you’re a bisexual man, you already have STIs as well as HIV/AIDS and all you’re doing is just waiting to give it to someone else… and that goes for those bisexuals who, by choice, choose not to have the sex but be content with how they feel.
The numbers are alarming and as much as they talk about infection rates, vectors, the demographic makeup of those who were treated for something, one of the things that’s pretty sad is that many of these nasty things can be avoided just by using a condom and being selective about who they get with and what they do when they get with someone. “No glove, no love!” was a watchword coined quite a bit ago but one of the other very smart things to do is before you whip it out for some guy you’re sexually interested in, have him present documented proof that he is cleaner than the board of health.
The downside about this part is a lot of guys not only don’t like going to the doctor, they don’t like being in the position of admitting that there’s something not quite right with them and how this condition came to be. Doctors don’t check for this stuff as a matter of course; they only check when a patient is either presenting clear signs, they way they’re talking about the way the feel is telling them something, or when a guy steps up and tells his doctor that he thinks he has an STI… and then has to tell the doctor how he managed to get something… and then has a responsibility to tell everyone he’s recently had sex with that they, too, need to get checked out and the sooner, the better.
It’s embarrassing and depending on who you’re talking to, the epitome of being irresponsible as well as being a huge black mark against bisexual men. Now, obviously, catching something nasty can happen to anyone and regardless to sexuality; however, even though the spread of HIV/AIDS is somewhat contained and there are a slew medications available, the numbers are still alarming and the numbers for the “common” stuff – gonorrhea, chlamydia, trichomoniasis, and even syphilis are on the rise, not to mention yeast infections and urinary tract infections (UTIs). These puppies have been with us since like forever and medical science has had to get inventive and creative in their war against these things because a lot of them are becoming resistant to the antibiotics/antivirals that, for the longest time, would clear things up quickly.
There’s much debate about sexual safety among men and using condoms is the best alternative to abstinence, even for oral sex and there are an untold number of men who’ll strap it on as a matter of course and even carry condoms with them for those spontaneous moments. Some guys religiously use them when they first get with another guy but should they continue to have sex with each other, a level of trust gets established… and the condoms stay in the wrapper. Which is fine if you’re 100% certain that both of you aren’t dipping your wicks with other guys on the side and sly and, lest we forget or ignore this, no one’s bonking any women who might be carrying something they’re not aware of. While scores of men utilize condoms for anal sex, er, um, using them for oral sex doesn’t always happen. And while anal sex is something that one plans and prepares for (hopefully and intelligently, I hope), oral sex is pretty spontaneous and doesn’t require much in the way of preparation other than soap and water… which is fine for the outside of things but obviously doesn’t work for things internal.
Condoms don’t taste good and that includes the flavored ones; for a lot of guys, that thin sheath of latex (or whatever they’re making them out of these days) seriously gets in the way of what both participants are feeling – and sucking cock with a condom is an interesting way to learn that you have a latex allergy. Mysteriously, some guys can try to strap one on and it becomes a comedy of errors because, for some reason, the moment they trying to cover homey up, bye-bye erection, well, until they stop trying to put it on and, nope, I have no idea how or why this happens. Condoms are usually lubricated (but you can get them without this feature) and mixed into the lubricant is a spermicide that not only might not taste good but can make your mouth go numb. It’s not dangerous… but it is annoying and distracting and makes sucking a covered up cock not so much of a fun thing to do.
So a lot of guys suck cock without a condom (and eat loads of pussy without employing an oral dam, which can be just as disliked as condoms are for oral sex) and the one thing on their side in this is there aren’t very many things that can survive the destructive environment of the human mouth and saliva, let alone the even more destructive environment of our stomachs. Still, shit can happen if/when one’s mouth isn’t healthy; if they have unfilled cavities, gum disease, and “simple” things like cuts and scrapes inside their mouth – anything that can give a bad bug access to your bloodstream. The CDC even reported, a long time ago now, that transmission of the HIV virus orally was pretty hard to do except if the mouth isn’t healthy; they reported that, nope, you can’t catch HIV kissing someone who is HIV-positive and that’s because, again, saliva is some very destructive stuff. Not only does it keep your mouth nice and moist, it contains bacteria and enzymes “designed” to start breaking down pretty much everything you’re gonna ingest. It doesn’t mean that, upon testing, some remnants of something bad won’t be present in the mouth but what saliva doesn’t destroy, the hydrochloric acid in your stomach will most certainly destroy.
Sticking A into B or C is problematic because the friction created during fucking (and even with lubricants) can eventually cause abrasions in the orifice being fucked; anal sex is a prime vector not only for its, ah, unfriendly environment but anal tearing can occur and it only takes a tiny, barely noticeable (and if at all) tear or scrape that’ll open the door for something you’d not want to wind up dealing with.. And, yes, abrasions and tearing can happen inside vaginas as well and as I often point out, um, you really don’t wanna know what that environment is like outside of the fact that it’s acidic by design and, believe it or not, the reason for this is to kill any sperm not robust enough to hook up with an egg; it’s why seminal fluid is alkaline – alkalies neutralize acids and, oh, yeah, one of the reasons why swallowing sperm is an acquired taste and pussy has a rather “tangy” taste. Some pretty interesting shit if you didn’t know this – but I digress just a bit.
Sometimes I get the impression that while guys are aware of the potential to catch something nasty, some are of a mind that catching something is something that happens to other dudes – no way it’s ever gonna happen to them! Some guys are either very damned lucky or possess very robust immune systems and they’ve never caught anything nasty except maybe a stray UTI at the worst. I’d suppose that it’s all fun and games until, one day, it happens to you, huh? Still, the mindset seems to be that if you have sex with anyone, you’re almost guaranteed to catch something and, duh, that’s not the whole truth; the CDC data on occurrences is pointed in what it doesn’t tell you, namely, how many people don’t run into something nasty in their orgasmic pursuits – they tell you what percentage of folks who weren’t so lucky. People read the numbers and are, understandably, alarmed but as I just allowed, the data for rates of infection also tell you how many people aren’t being infected – oh, and keep in mind that those numbers will never, ever include any kind of infection that hasn’t been reported to a doctor or other medical facility – they have a duty and responsibility to report these things to the CDC and without revealing the name and other personal information about the infected person, just in case you didn’t know that either. “Patient 234756A,” a 35 year old (add ethnicity here) male presented with detectable symptoms of gonorrhea and a treatment regimen of (add treatment stuff here) was initiated; the patient disclosed their sexuality as (add this, too) and other information like how many sexual partners the patient has and has interacted with prior to symptoms, stuff like that.
But, again and clearly, the CDC cannot report on anything it doesn’t know about. I get why guys would rather not see a doctor if they suspect something is wrong and when you have the clap, there’s no mistaking that there’s something wrong if you know what the symptoms are. If that’s not scary enough, there are some men who, say, can have the clap… and have zero symptoms and while that might sound like a good thing for such a guy, it really isn’t because what’s really going on is that if he’s infected with something, he’s passing it along without a clue that he’s got something that someone else would not want to deal with. How does a guy know he’s asymptomatic? Well, if he never gets tested, how could he know? How do you get tested? You ask your personal doctor to write up a lab slip for the specific tests… or you go to a facility whose job it is to test for the bad stuff. And that means disclosing some information that one might not want to be disclosed and, again, having the responsibility that even if they test negative, common decency says you contact your sexual partners so they can get checked out just in case.
There’s a medication (or a class of medications) called PreP – Pre-exposure Prophylaxis – that seems to be doing the job of knocking down the chance for someone to catch the HIV virus (the official website is http://www.whatisprep.org/)… but it doesn’t do squat against the common STI’s and, one day, Cityman and I were talking about this and he said that he’s of a mind that there are probably a lot of guys who are on PreP and think that they’re covered for the common stuff. Intelligently, I have a hard time getting my head around this kind of thinking since PreP and its purpose is explained to someone looking to get on board with this precautionary measure (and, by the way, it’s not just for men – check out the site!) so, uh, if the purpose of PreP is explained to you, why would you think you’re covered for stuff that ain’t HIV? And maybe Cityman is right in his assessment of this even though such an assumption would be cray-cray.
The biggest thing about this downside is the perception that bi guys, in particular, come “pre-installed” with the bad stuff when, um, in order for you to, say, get a dose of the clap, you have to have sex with someone who has it already and as we know, HIV is a sexually transmitted thingy… but you can get infected without sex being involved. One of the things I feel lends itself to this ongoing thing and maybe even upping the infection rate numbers is porn. Now, it’s been publicized that the porn industry has cracked down big time on making sure their, uh, models, are safe and healthy to do their jobs, requiring not only routine checks but mandating condom use for those models who have had no prior work with each other and, yeah, even with someone they’ve worked with before. But there’s a lot of “amateur porn” out there and the use of condoms in the gay presentations aren’t always a given for all acts of anal sex one might see… and I’ve yet to see any of this amateur porn employ condoms for oral sex. You don’t have to take my word for it – if you’re of a mind to – and for scientific purposes – go watch some porn – and count how many times you see condoms being used and even for lesbian sex. I’m not saying you won’t see condoms being used but take note, again, how many times you see them not being used.
This downside for men and the world of M2M sex is pretty inherent; if it can happen, it just might happen and guys have choices, beginning with not having sex with other men at all. If this isn’t an option, use condoms for everything, even hand jobs and carry a supply of them on you for those spontaneous moments. You can trust that a guy tells you he’s clean and/or he’s been recently checked out… but always verify while keeping in mind a very bad habit and reputation men have, i.e., we’ll tell you anything you wanna hear in order to get you into bed and have sex with you. A lot of guys are opting to avoid casual sexual encounters in favor of a single source of M2M sex – obtaining a FWB… but full disclosure is still a must and if a guy and his FWB are throwing it down like it’s nobody’s business, getting checked out (even when using condoms) is still a prudent and smart thing to do.
Provided guys even wanna be bothered with doing this. Some guys think they’re safe because they predominately have sex with women but maybe aren’t aware of the fact that a woman can have something wrong with the coochie and there’s no sign of anything being wrong. If a dude is screwing a woman – a wife, girlfriend or some babe who decided getting boned is a good thing – and she has a yeast infection she’s not aware of, well, you can see how this can make things kinda interesting when homey bones her… then throws down with a guy for some mutual cock sucking a little later in the day – and despite having washed himself. It’s one of the reason why it’s said that when you’re done having unprotected sex, go pee because it cuts down the chance of something bad hanging around long enough to turn into a problem – and now you know one of the reasons why women do exactly this and sometimes the moment you pull out of them and they’re free to move.
While bisexuality is gaining ground in the area of sexual activity, there are downsides and this one is one that shouldn’t be ignored or taken for granted. There are things one can do to minimize the risks and I’m thinking that the current numbers for infections could be a lot worst and they’re not because people are doing the things to minimize the risks to themselves and others.
It’s Minecraft time (again) and there’s a project I’ve been working on that I need to finish. I write about being bisexual and I’d be remiss not to write about this – so I wrote about it.
Oh, and before you ask or if you’re wondering, no: Never been infected.