I was reading something DDJennifer wrote about threesomes which dovetailed nicely with a topic on the bi guy forum about threesomes and Jennifer mentioned the 80/20 rule that kinda/sorta says that if a guy finds out that his woman is interested in other women, 80 percent of the time, he’s gonna ask if she wants a threesome and for the other 20 percent, eh, they might not ask – and they probably know better than to ask – but they’ll have the thought of a threesome bouncing around inside their heads.
In the bisexual world, yeah, let a woman confess that she also likes women and some guys are just that clueless to blurt out the dreaded threesome word; I’ve seen on Twitter too many times stuff written by bisexual women who emphatically state that just because they like girls, doesn’t mean they wanna jump into a threesome… and if you really know a little something about women, you’d understand why they wouldn’t.
But that’s boy/girl stuff. In the M2M world the MMM threesome is much fantasized about and I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that because one can see a lot of MMM porn, it’s one of those things that looks either like a whole lot of fun or a guy’s worse nightmare. Why? Because these things don’t always turn out as being easy to do or as much fun as one might think.
The guys were “going off” about MMM sex, what some have actually done and what the majority of participants have wet dreams about and as I read what the fellas had to say, I kept thinking that, hmm, some of these guys really don’t know what they wanna get themselves into. True enough: Having a fantasy is just “wishful thinking” and doesn’t mean that someone having this particular fantasy should or is gonna run right out and do it but, yeah, I was reading and thinking, “Be careful what you wish for…”
Why doesn’t group sex work the way some folks think it should? It’s because we aren’t taught to behave like this – everything we do and especially where sex is concerned is to be one-on-one only and even when someone can get their head around this part – and it ain’t even easy to do that – then there’s the thing of being in the right place at the right time… and with the “wrong” people involved.
It’s just something one has to learn how to do… and most people can’t learn it. I’d have to say that, comparatively speaking, sucking a dick until the guy cums in your mouth is easier to deal with than having two (or more) horny guys making you the object of their lust – and those of you who have been subjected to the full fury of a man’s lust knows exactly what I’m talking about.
I’d never say that a guy getting into a MMM threesome wouldn’t have fun because it is a fun thing to do… but if you base your fantasies about this on what you might see in porn, you’re gonna make a mistake that you just might seriously regret. When it comes to threesomes of any kind, the one thing I say to people is that if you’re not grown up enough to deal with any of it, please don’t do it.
For couples, oh, lawd, if your relationship isn’t rock-solid strong, leave this alone because chances are very good that you’re gonna find out something about your partner that, perhaps, you might wish you hadn’t found out. Some folks go into this with a laundry list of rules that contains more things that cannot be done than there are things that can be done; for some folks, this works… and for others?
Can you say clusterfuck? Sure, you can…
If you have inhibitions, insecurities, and other such things and you’re thinking that jumping in the sack with two other guys sounds like fun, boy, are you gonna be in for a surprise. Sometimes, the problems with any threesome comes when the participants try to plan or script how things are going to go and, I think, fully discounting the power of sex and it’s ability to take those plans and throw them out the window. Sure, it’s about respecting everyone’s boundaries but I’ve seen this requirement join the plan in the trash can and I’ve also seen things not get trashed… but wind up not being as satisfying as everyone hoped it would be and that’s usually because the participants aren’t really on the same page about things and, again, no one ever considers the possibility that shit can change and unexpectedly so.
Never, ever, underestimate the power of sex and lust and always keep in mind that in all things that we do, Mr. Murphy is always lurking in the background just waiting to fuck shit up. It came to mind that while there were a lot of guys sharing their MMM adventures, um, I didn’t notice anyone talking about any adventure they may have had that didn’t go according to plan and because no one did, that could lend itself to a false sense of things being okay for them if they threw it down like this and maybe not giving a lot of thought about this: Just because it went well for someone else doesn’t mean it’s gonna go well for you or your results will most certainly vary.
Cityman and I were talking about this one day and he was sharing his idea of a MMM threesome and I told him to not kid himself into believing that it’s gonna go the way you envision it because it really is harder to do than it looks/sounds. Again, to have that great, leg-shaking, breath-stealing outcome, everyone – and I do mean everyone – has to be on the same page… and then have the strength of will to not deviate from the script. He mentioned a few experiences that, in his thoughts, didn’t go as well as he had hoped and I told him that it’s because he didn’t take into consideration the mindset of the guys he was doing this with, that and guys can be just as funny about sex that isn’t one-on-one than women can be.
Again, we aren’t taught or instructed on how to have sex with more than one person and while you can open a browser and find a billion or so references about group sex – both the pros and cons of it all – reading about it is one thing… but actually doing it? I told him that any threesome always sounds good on paper… until the clothes come off. Now you’re at the whim and mercy of everyone’s own expectations, what they want to do, and that long list of what they ain’t gonna do.
He asked me what was the best way to have one and I said that there’s no tried and true, cut and dried way to have one; it’s not just about what you want to do and what, if anything, you’re willing to do… but it’s also about those same things with the other participants and if one goes into this thinking that everything – and everyone – is fair game, um, whew, that might not be the reality of things.
Threesomes are best when planned and by this I mean everyone involved sits down and puts it all on the table so that everyone’s limitations are understood; sure, sometimes, a threesome can just happen out of the blue and with not much in the way of planning/talking about it other than, hey, wouldn’t it be fun if we did this? The key here is that if you’re not sure that Guy A is gonna like something you wanna do to him, um, ask first. Makes sense, right? And you’d be surprised how many times this doesn’t happen, someone gets shocked, surprised, or offended, and the whole thing gets flushed. Or someone doesn’t get what they wanted – and because no one knew that it was wanted – and now someone’s pissed off because they didn’t get what they wanted or in the way they wanted it.
Even if a guy is aware that pulling this off isn’t as easy as it might sound on paper, sometimes that awareness can still be very different from what really happens because unless you happen to be very familiar with the other two participants, anything else is basically a guessing game. You know what you want to get out of this and it’s too easy to assume that the other two guys with you want what you want – and why this happens is something I can’t really explain except to say that this very thing does tend to happen; sometimes you guess correctly, sometimes you don’t.
You have to have a certain mindset to participate in group sex and, indeed, a bit of devil may care attitude helps but if one can divorce their minds from the mandated one-on-one sex thing, that’ll help a lot, too. Having few or no inhibitions is a plus and, of course, if someone is doing something to you that you don’t like, never hesitate to say so because if you don’t, well, whoever’s doing the thing to you that you’re not liking is going to keep doing it. If there’s something you’d like to have done to you, um, say something; the point here is that a lot of threesomes get all fucked up because when the sex starts, the communication stops, that and it’s assumed that a participant’s not gonna change his mind about something… and no one accounts for shit just happening in the heat of the moment.
Because guys tend to be in a top/bottom mode of behavior, this can make MMM threesomes… interesting, to be polite about it. The roles are, um, clearly defined but, again, no one seems to take into consideration that, say, the bottom who’s being ravaged by two tops just might want to do some ravaging of his own and in a way most tops, by “definition” ain’t trying to hear. Not saying that it couldn’t work because some guys can, in fact, get this to work… I just think it’s a problem coming right out of the gate because, again, guys think that they roles they’ve adopted are immune from shit happening and someone’s mind changing in the much-denied heat of the moment – you’d be surprised at how many people don’t think this is a valid thing and that nothing should ever happen in the heat of the moment.
And that’s a mistake if I’ve ever heard of one. Indeed, in the world of swinging, this is one of the reasons why bi guys aren’t always invited to participate in a threesome with a straight guy in attendance and it’s because the straight guy is paranoid and will almost always assume that at some point, the bi guy is gonna jump on them and start sucking their dick or playing with their ass… and the reality is that in the heat of the moment, such things can happen.
And I say that if you’re not prepared to deal with whatever might happen outside of what you think should only happen, ya might not want to actively pursue your MMM fantasy. Nope – not all guys get all totally mindless in these things and boundaries are respected… but if you assume that your boundaries will always be respected, ya might wanna give this MMM thing some more thought.
Do I sound as if I’m trying to talk guys out of experiencing a MMM threesome? Yes… and no. It’s my opinion that a guy should experience what it’s like to be in a dog pile with two other dudes; I’m just the guy who’ll be right up front and tell you that what you think should happen and what might happens ain’t the same thing and, again, if you’re not prepared, willing, and able to deal with whatever might happen, no – don’t do this. If your list of things you won’t do with another guy is longer than the list of things you will do, um, don’t do this. If you go into this thinking and believing that your boundaries will always be respected, you might want to change your thinking a bit because even with guys you know, eh, your boundaries just might get tested, stretched, and maybe even broken.
And if you’ve never been subjected to a man’s lust, I would highly recommend you get a lot of one-on-one experiences under your belt before you try to make you MMM fantasy come true because if you find that doing the nasty with one guy is intense, wait until you have two guys to deal with and more so with two guys who may or may not be on the same page with you about what’s about to happen.
When I go on the forum and read about guys who’ve never played with another man talking about this particular fantasy, it really does make me shudder and not in a good way. Some guys do say that they have this fantasy… but they don’t think they could really do it and that’s pretty damned honest of them to be able to admit this – and the right frame of mind.
These things don’t always go tits up – I’m just the guy who’ll tell you – or remind you – that any kind of threesome can go tits up at any time and for any reason, that’s all and that your experience in this is only gonna be as good as you try to make it.