Once upon a time, these two things weren’t even related to each other; if you were bisexual, dating was for opposite sex activities and provided if one could get a girl to say hello, let alone anything beyond that. Many men would get highly frustrated trying to get a date and if they got lucky, well, it depended on why they wanted to date – just wanted to hang out with a babe or to gain, ah, biblical knowledge of her and, sure, maybe in his mind, she could be The One.
The hunt for cock wasn’t so involved or complicated; find a guy who wanted to do it and do it – no promises for a second encounter later on and, really, no other prerequisites other than two guys looking to do the nasty to each other. Still, if it turned out that, um, we could get together and do this again and even become friends of a sort, okay, that works because even back in the day, finding like-minded guys wasn’t exactly what I’d call easy.
Today, we have dating apps out the wazoo; people are online looking for The One or, bluntly, anyone they might be able to have sex with. One of the many problems with online dating is being able to view people from all over the world and then sorting through a lot of stuff to determine compatibility, suitability, and whatever specific requirements one might have.
Bi guys, eh, weren’t so much interested in “dating” other guys and the frame of mind was we didn’t date each other as much as we’d hang out or generally hook up to do something – hit the local watering hole, catch or watch a sporting event, and other things not specifically related to, um, doing it to each other but if that were the case, let’s go get a cup of coffee or a drink and talk about what we might want to do to, with, and for each other.
To really understand this, it helps to understand what the purpose of dating used to be, like dating was once called courting, that pursuit of a suitable mate that had rules like no sex on the first date and even no premarital sex at all. Dating evolved because people realized that ya didn’t have to court someone in that sense of looking for someone you’d want to marry – dating became a social thing; let’s go to the movies, have dinner, whatever and just to be social… but if anything else more involved appeared, okay, let’s talk about that at our second date.
The disparities between what women saw dating as and how men saw it, in my opinion, created a gap that continues to exist today but bi guys, since “dating” wasn’t a thing, continued to “hook up” even for social things and if sex was included, okay, that worked but having a relationship, per se, not really an option or requirement.
A lot of bi guys now fret over dating and as we understand it today. They fret on how to go about dating other men and even insist on going through the dating rituals that were once reserved for interacting with women – and including no sex on the first date and no sex without some kind of commitment or investment in each other that has nothing to do with getting naked with each other.
That this aspect of bisexuality appears to be falling in line with more traditional social behaviors, from my perspective and coming from a time when unless the guys were gay, you’d never even think about dating a guy, is either a good or “bad” thing depending on your own school of thought.
I find it interesting and curious of how this is turning out. I often find it… amusing to hear guys bitching about the foibles of dating or thinking about dating in terms that are too similar to how guys “normally” go about dating women and it stops being amusing when I see guys dealing with men and as if they were dealing with a woman – and we know that women still have a very different mindset about dating.
Guys riff about not being able to do this successfully, moan and groan over the number of men who are more about casual sex or otherwise not even interested in establishing some kind of relationship and they wonder why this is… and I think that it’s because, duh, men aren’t women.
I’ll give you a moment to really think about this one.
A fellow WordPress blogger wrote something about dating and pretty much illustrates the pains bisexual men have when trying to date other men, namely, looking for that one guy among millions you want to have a relationship (of some kind) so you have have sex… and in an environment where relationships aren’t always wanted, desirable, or even possible. Guys don’t exactly object to, um, repeat “business”with other guys as long as it doesn’t get “too serious…” but dating kinda implies a level of seriousness and I’m thinking – and I could be wrong – because when guys date women, there’s not only a lot of stuff you gotta do to get her to date you but other and more complex (or complicated) things involved if you wanna keep dating her and even more so if you wanna bone her.
Dating seems to want to circumvent casual sex in favor of a more relationship-minded arrangement; casual sex bad, relationship sex good and something that hasn’t changed a whole lot so to see this school of thought becoming more of a thing among bisexual men is… curious.
There’s been a lot of talk and emphasis on male bonding which I think is a good thing; there’s even more talk about how male bonding can lead to M2M sex (think bro jobs if that helps) and this, too, is a good thing… but dating? Maybe it’s just me and being from the old school but you kinda/sorta don’t date someone unless you want things to get serious, for the most part. There’s hanging out and socializing… dating is just different.
And, perhaps, guys are having issues with dating – and dating in order to find The One – because there’s no real “protocol” in place for men dating other men (at least that I’m not aware of). The only thing we really have to work with is how traditional dating/courting occurs except, again, we’re talking about doing something that, until now, wasn’t something a lot of guys were interested in.
If ya wanted to meet at a coffee shop as a prelude to going somewhere and getting jiggy with each other, cool – not what one would call a date… could be called a date under no sex conditions but if were just talking to see if we might be able to have sex, most guys wouldn’t really call that a date.
Or would they? I recall reading something somewhere about dating where it was said that a date was more like going to a job interview as well as a social thing to do… and depending on how the interview goes determines whether or not you get the job or not… and more than one interview may be required… and provided you passes the initial interview, of course.
A lot of bi guys get disillusioned and frustrated because, um, most guys aren’t of a mind to date others guys and as they would women; indeed, the whole notion of the much-dreaded hookup was popular because it skirted that whole dating premise experienced with women and just got right to the point: Do you wanna have sex and, if so, what do you wanna do? Now proceeding further depends on the answer to these two questions and if you were of a mind to establish something more… substantial and to avoid the even more dreaded casual sex thing, well, that could be a problem, couldn’t it?
Or, as I once heard a guy say, “If I wanted to go through all that shit all of the time, I’d only try to really date women – I just wanna get my shit off and without the drama and hassles!” Another guy was heard asking, “What part of “NSA” don’t they understand?”
No wonder a lot of guys get bent out of shape and bitch that they can’t find a guy they wanna be with… and without having to resort to having casual sexual encounters. Some guys are leery about dating and what it implies and infers… but if you’re looking for a friend, lover, or both, if you don’t get yourself out there and let it be known that you’re available, guess what’s never gonna happen for you? Call it dating, hanging out, or even hooking up; the bottom line is that if you don’t do it, again, guess what ain’t gonna happen?
With bi guys, ya just gotta understand that a lot of other guys just aren’t interested in dating as a prelude to something more serious and even something as tenuous as being a friend with benefits is just too much of a hassle to make any prospective sex worth all that potential drama and more so since FWB seems to be migrating more toward exclusivity than being a matter of, um, mutual convenience, let’s say.
I just find it curious to see how some bi guys are going about, bluntly, getting some dick.