Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Biphobia

13 Mar

“I ignored the evidence of my own eyes and clung to dogma instead of adapting to new understanding.”

The above is a quote of a passage in a book written by Dr. Nathan Lowell entitled, “In Ashes Born” and, sorry, you’d have to read the book – actually a bunch of books – to understand what the main character in this book was talking about when he said it.

Why is biphobia a problem? Read the quote. It’s not that it’s really unknown that bisexuals exist but there are people who cannot adapt to a new understanding and they’d rather stick with what they think they know or otherwise believe and more so when that new understanding conflicts with their beliefs.

As I said way back when that NY Times article declared that bisexuality was real and that bisexuals were just as real, I remember saying, “Bullshit; I’m bisexual and I know I exist – duh!” Even witnessing the crap homosexuals had to endure, it was never said that they don’t exist – it was being said that their existence was an affront to “the natural order of things” and an abomination before God and, as such, one that had to be eradicated and by any means necessary.

That didn’t work because, um, plenty of gay folks going about their business every day… and with untold numbers of bisexuals along with them and bisexuals, who are very much aware of the angst against homosexuals, not of a mind to draw that kind of attention to themselves.

Why biphobia? Doesn’t make a lot of sense except those who are fostering this and making bisexuals believe it’s a real problem for us are being bothered by the fact that the world as they know and understand it ain’t the way shit really is. It’s no secret that some homosexuals have a great dislike for bisexuals… because we’re not exactly like them. Not that it’s wrong for them to believe that their way of life is all that and a bag of chips… but their failure, if you will, lies in sticking with their dogma and not adapting to or even accepting the fact that being gay – or even being straight – ain’t the only way to be in this life.

Cityman said it quite well when we were talking about this and he mentioned “the fear of the other” and a fear that’s made humans so divisive, given rise to all sorts of prejudices because if you’re not like us, you’re inferior and against us so you’re either gonna get dealt with or summarily ignored.

Or told, in this case, you’re not what you say you are and know yourself to be.

I allowed, in our discussion, that it’s quite possible that bisexuality and bisexuals upsets the accepted worldview – people are either straight or gay and there’s no middle ground… and despite the fact that, again, bisexuality ain’t exactly an unknown thing. It made me ask, “If this ain’t real, what are they fussing about?”

Maybe they don’t want it to be real because, again, it invalidates that which they’ve always believed, from sex to relationships which can be quite upsetting. But instead of accepting a new understanding, biphobics seem to not only hold onto dogma but also seems to want to dictate how bisexuality should go, which I find odd for something that supposedly doesn’t exist.

Go figure, huh? There’s some folks who are rallying against this and some are saying that by not acknowledging biphobia as being real, one is contributing to the problem. Maybe it’s just me but, um, where’s the sense in giving credence and validity to something that’s obviously untrue? I’m bisexual and have been for a long time and, duh, obviously, I do exist and, double duh, I happen to know other bisexuals.

Now, just because “bisexual” isn’t a part of the normal and daily lexicon – and like gay and lesbian have become – doesn’t change anything and, oddly, it’s all well and good that this changes nothing. So now another quote in another book by the same author: “Absence of evidence isn’t evidence of absence.”

A bit of a tongue twister and something that’ll make you think just trying to figure out what the hell this means. If a tree falls in a forest does it still make a noise if no one is there to hear it? Or the cat thing that says that the boxed kitty ain’t alive or dead until observed.

So, um, just because you don’t “see” a bisexual doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. Bisexual doesn’t mean gay… doesn’t mean straight either – kinda means both and the thing that amazes me – and then thing that I’ve not determined is a good or bad thing yet is the biphobic insistence that if bisexuality doesn’t resemble heteronormativity, then bisexuality is invalid.




A bi gal wrote on the “new” forum that because she’s in a relationship with another woman, everyone says she’s gay and it bothers her that no one wants to accept her bisexuality or the truth that she’s bisexual. Is she really being erased and dissed… or just another victim of the inherent prejudice we display when wrapped up in our fear of the other? Is she just a victim of those who cling to dogma and cannot adapt to new understandings?

And if I explain this bisexual thing about me and you still insist that I’m not what I say I am, which one of us has a problem? Or if you tell me that, as a bisexual, I should be, say, in a relationship with a guy and I tell you that, nope, not on my list of things to do – but it’s not impossible – and you maintain that I’m not bisexual, again, which one of us has a problem accepting this?

Can’t be me since, um, I know what am I and how I prefer to go about being the way I am… but biphobia insists that it is me who has the problem since I don’t conform to a non-bisexual view of how bisexuality should be.

If it really that is… but it’s like I asked: If it doesn’t exist, what’s all the ruckus about? Methinks “existence” isn’t the real issue; it’s that bisexuality doesn’t, as a matter of course, resemble either the heteronormative or homonormative dynamics – it’s a mash-up of both and not “equally balanced” as it’s been inferred it should be. And, oh, yeah, ain’t the homonormative dynamic very similar to the heteronormative one and where love,,sex and relationships are concerned? After all, that’s what they’ve been fighting and even dying for – the right to be treated just like everyone else is.

And some of “everyone else” contains bisexuals. Lots of bisexuals. From all walks of life. All over the planet. The truth? Bisexuality is real, bisexuals exist as each individual sees fit to in this regard.

Biphobia seems to be for those folks who can’t handle the truth or, as Mythbuster Adam Savage said, “I reject your reality and replace it with my own!” Makes me wonder – and not for the first time – who’s really in denial about some shit: Bisexuals or the people who think we don’t, can’t or shouldn’t exist.

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Posted by on 13 March 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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