Just when I thought I was done with my soapbox, I find myself toying with the idea of pulling it out again. The piece that Dr. Williams wrote and the one I wrote about what he wrote, is still rambling around in my head so I went back and quickly re-read his piece and saw again where he said that the closet is a white, middle class construct and one that, honestly, I can’t say it is what he says it is and probably because being in the closet is one of the things about bisexuality that I don’t have a reason to question its origins so as far as I know, it’s always existed, there’s a reason why it exists, and the reason makes sense to me but sure, I’d allow that his statement about the origins of the closet makes sense since, well, um, because there are a lot of white folks who are gay and lesbian and with a whole lot of reasons not to be so public about it – and way before it seriously became both an important social and political issue.
We are aware of bisexuality and we’ve always been aware of it… but in my experiences, it’s something you just didn’t hear a lot talk about except, as I’ve said, a kinda funny joke or some way to rattle a friend’s cage. Then again, with all the ranting and raving about homosexuality, it’s no wonder bisexuals pretty much went unnoticed as homosexuality was the “bigger social issue” except when one’s bisexuality was discovered, the whole “are you really gay” thing would surface. Homosexuals knew that bisexuals existed since, um, they’d have sex with us and because they could or reject us out of hand because we’re kinda like them… but not totally like them.
If you’re aware of the shit being said about bisexuals being greedy, in denial, and unable to commit to anything, where do you think this got started? It wasn’t heterosexuals and even those who spouted such nonsense had to hear it from someone who had an issue with a bisexual so the rhetoric just kept being parroted by a lot of folks and, perhaps, without understanding what the fuck they were talking about.
I find this behavior odd, this very huge push to expose bisexuals while others are hard at work trying to debunk bisexuality and otherwise poke holes in its premise because in all of my years of existence and even in my travels, I’ve heard more shit against homosexuality than bisexuality and I’d agree that the reason why bisexuality stayed off the social radar for so long is because of the existence of the closet and the DL as well, which has been around a lot longer than any of us are actually aware of and I’m thinking its origins go back to biblical times since, you know, if two men got caught or were even suspected of having sex with each other, death would be imminent for the both of them so, um, let’s just keep this under our hats, hoods, or whatever headgear being worn.
Awareness isn’t the issue: Acceptance is and, once again, here’s the crazy, insane part of all of this. If ya didn’t know bisexuals really existed, you know it now and now it’s a matter of whether or not you believe in such behavior or you don’t and if you don’t, it changes nothing – bisexuality has still been with us all this time and will always be with us as long as the species continues to exist. I might not agree with homosexuality (not my real stance) but that doesn’t mean that I can’t accept that homosexuality exists because, duh, it sure as hell does; it’s like I’ve been asking: If some folks aren’t accepting that bisexuality is real and that bisexuals are what they are, what the fuck are we fussing about?
We can fuss over “toe-may-toe” versus “tah-mah-toe” all day long… but that red fruit still exists and we accept that it does despite fussing over how to pronounce it. I am bisexual and I know that I am; I’ve proven it to myself more times than I care to admit to… but just because someone doesn’t believe in bisexuality doesn’t lend itself to a lack of acceptance or, just because it’s something you wouldn’t do or be doesn’t mean that someone else wouldn’t want to but, again, if you don’t accept that bisexuality is a “thing,” what in the name of all that’s holy are you pitching a bitch about?
It’s just a “thing” that you don’t agree with, isn’t it? I don’t agree that liver and onions is a good thing to eat but I accept that this combination exists and there are people who absolutely love it and I respect their choice to eat it… just don’t ask me to take a bite and more so since I already know that I really don’t like the taste of liver.
Society wants bisexuals to come out of the closet and, like the good doctor says, to step into an environment that is just flat out hostile toward anyone who isn’t straight and, oddly, not homosexual… and isn’t it funny how we can, today, accept homosexuality when there was a time we said it didn’t exist, it couldn’t exist and it shouldn’t exist… and we damned well knew that it did?
We are socially aware of bisexuality and bisexuals and, as an extension of sorts, we accept that there are bisexuals despite wanting to piss and moan about what bisexuality is supposed to be or telling a bisexual to just admit that they’re gay or other such nonsense. There are many who don’t like the notion of someone being bisexual; you’re either like us or you’re against us and we have yet to grow out of this kind of behavior and we probably never will. But it remains true, at least in my mind, that whether society really accepts bisexuality as a real thing, people are still gonna be bisexual if and when they need to be, whether they do it from the imagined safety of the closet or they’re out there saying it loudly and proudly to anyone who cares to listen.
Dr. Williams quoted someone as asking, “How much truth to tell?” and it’s a good question since we know there are a lot of us who, famously, can’t handle the truth and the truth that the person you think you know isn’t the person you think you know; they’re bisexual, you might not be… and now that’s a problem and because it presents a problem it becomes unacceptable?
And ya gotta ask yourself if this makes any sense at all, that if that which you believe really and truly holds and weighs against the reality that there are bisexuals and you’ve been reading something written by a bisexual.
I’ll leave y’all to think about that one.
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