Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Look in the Mirror

04 Apr

This WordPress blogger wrote this yesterday and it got me thinking – as well as reminded me – that the biggest obstacle to bisexuality in both men and women isn’t just what other people thinks and that all one has to do, if they’re struggling with this, is to look in the mirror to find out who their biggest detractor is.

There are a lot of active bisexuals who, somehow, don’t like the fact that they are bisexual; many of them are unhappy because of a lack of action which is a bummer all by itself. Some, on the other hand, have kept that internal strife going with themselves and the strife that a lot of bisexuals wind up experiencing when they discover that they’re bisexual – where did this come from and why is this happening to me?

The social angst is bad enough and tends to inhibit a lot of bisexuals from being, well, bisexual; a lot of bisexuals spend most of their bisexual waking moments worrying about being discovered by others – friends, family, co-workers – and how they might react to such a thing as well as understanding that even generally, eh, people tend to not react well to something like this even though, in my opinion, that bad reaction can be two-fold: One is ideology (I don’t believe in that shit!) and the other is the shock and awe of discovering that the person you thought you knew isn’t the person you thought you knew.

You thought you knew everything about your boy, “Gene…” but ya didn’t know this about him, did ya?

But the overall angst about sex – period – has always been with us and that includes something simple as pleasuring yourself – masturbation. As I’ve mentioned at times, there was a time when getting yourself off was officially a mental illness and in times gone by, wow, the way they tried to cure someone of this was barbaric and inhumane. It’s also why young boys were told that if they played with their ding-dong, they could go blind or, gasp, grow hair on the palms of their hands.

Which, really, I suppose that you really shouldn’t tell kids this because it’s just like telling them to go ahead and do it and see if they’re gonna go blind or have a need to shave the palms of their hands. Go ask someone you know if they masturbate… and watch how they react – it can be pretty funny even if they confess that they do and, um, sometimes with some qualifiers that are supposed to make you believe that they don’t do it a whole lot.

Used to crack me up sitting and gossiping with the fellas and how many sexually robust guys would swear on a pile of holy items that they don’t get themselves off… when you know good and damned well that they do. Why deny it? It’s not because it’s personal and a “noneya” thing – it’s what other folks might say about them, be it something negative or being ribbed unmercifully that you gotta resort to this because you can’t get any pussy.

There are a lot of guys who own sex toys, from cock rings and vibrators to dildos specifically designed to be slid into their butts and wreak havoc on their prostate… but you’d never get them to admit that they have more toys than most women do because one of the first things someone else might think is that a guy is pretty damned freaky to be using a prostate stimulator on himself and if he is, well, he must be gay if he likes hard things in his ass, huh?

There are guys who like to be pegged and it’s being said – or probably more debated – that any guy who’d let a woman strap on a fake dick and ream his butt out has to be homosexual when the truth is more like he isn’t… and he’s probably not bisexual, either. Such a guy probably wouldn’t be hanging out with his peers and telling them how his lady literally wore his ass out with a long, fat strap-on…

And some guys would also find reason not to enjoy such a thing so much because he’s gonna be thinking, “What if someone finds out I’m into this?” or the repercussions of it being discovered that when he masturbates, he’s working a good-sized dildo or vibrating prostate stimulator in and out of his butt while his cock ring is helping him edge and delay what will probably be one hell of an ejaculatory moment.

We’re taught, conditioned, programmed – pick a word here – to be ashamed of things sexual, from doing it just because you feel like doing it to how you go about getting your jollies and while many people find a way to kick this shame to the curb, sadly, many more aren’t able to do it. Oh, to be sure – whatever it is they’re doing, they’re gonna keep doing it but it also might make them feel some kind of way about it since one’s brain is never beyond fucking with them about not getting off in the prescribed and mandated ways.

But the biggest thing is, again in my opinion, why would anyone let such thoughts – their own or the thoughts/opinions of others – make them feel shitty because of their way of experiencing sexual pleasure? Across the globe, there are bisexuals – male and female – who are sitting on the bench because they either haven’t assimilated this thing about themselves and that internal battle is still in progress… or they’re petrified into inaction because of what someone else might say about that which they want and need to do – and something that is generally accepted as a healthy and normal thing to do, both physically and mentally.

Oh, yeah, that’s right: “Eric” shouldn’t want or need to masturbate or, gasp, let some other guy give him a blow job because, supposedly, there’s a woman out there somewhere in the world who’d be more than happy to make him bust as many nuts as he can manage. He shouldn’t be interested one bit of what it feels like to have his prostate messed with, you know, given the path a guy has to take to get to his prostate in the first place.

We allow this ever-present shame of things sexual fuck with our head, allow it to inhibit us so much that, fuck, just rubbing one out – something that usually feels pretty damned good – is often bypassed because our brains are fucking with us about it from both an ideological point of view or the perception of negative reactions by those who know us… or think they do.

I recall reading (somewhere) where a guy was saying that his wife caught him choking the chicken… and read him the riot act and, indeed, took it as a personal affront to her. The odd thing about this is that the guy also mentioned that he hadn’t had sex with his wife in years and something he pointed out to her – which, in turn, had her tearing him several new ones and, in my mind, for no reason that made sense to me other than something I find to be typical in this situation: If girlfriend isn’t going to have sex, you’re not having any either and if you get caught spanking the monkey, well, you’re just being a really nasty motherfucker, aren’t you?

The guy said that now, he doesn’t even bother with getting himself off; not only did he let her tirade affect him, his own thoughts about it started fucking with him and in terms of, “Maybe she’s right and I shouldn’t be doing this and respect her right not to have sex with me…”

Really? It’s like I told my first wife when she walked in on me as I was working on a nice release and she asked me why I was doing that in the first place. My answer? “It’s my dick and if I wanna play with it, I can.” Why didn’t I just roll up on her and jump her bones? Um, because that’s not what I wanted or needed in that moment.

Some might see this as a “disrespectful” response but, nah, I’m not gonna let anyone inhibit me and I’m sure as hell not gonna inhibit myself or, as I told myself so many years ago, I’ll take the risk of going blind and I’ve got fresh blades for my razor, too. Regardless of sexuality, if you’re unwilling to pleasure yourself, you gotta ask yourself why and if feeling some kind of way about it makes any sense. If you’re male and bisexual and you’ve got that one toy that rocks your boat – and you’re using it a lot because you don’t wanna take the risk of going out there and getting the real thing, well, that’s reasonable so, sure, grab your favorite toy and have fun with yourself and without thinking that you’re not supposed to be pleasuring yourself at all.

The enemy in any of this isn’t everyone around you – sometimes, it’s you who’s at the root of any issues with this.

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Posted by on 4 April 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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