Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Going to School

02 Jul

They say you’re never too old to learn… but they also say you can’t teach an old dog a new trick which is probably true… but humans aren’t canines… but, sure, we do get set in our ways and since we’re inherently adverse to change, I guess the saying is applicable… for the most part.

The bisexual dynamics have changed since I began my journey and while I often – and, perhaps, futilely – long for the good old days when getting some dick was effortless and easy, change waits for no one and it happens when you’d prefer it not to change… which makes every day a learning experience so that if you’re fully involved with being bisexual – and I don’t specifically mean having all the sex you can each and every day – there’s always something new to be learned so that one can, at the very least, adjust their perception accordingly.

Because if you refuse to change – and even your thinking – you will be left in the dust.

One of the things I like about being a member of the forum I belong to is that I get to observe what other men are saying, thinking, and doing which is always interesting but one of the things that made itself apparent is that there are a lot of bottoms within the membership.

At this point, I have to say in all fairness that there are bisexual women who are members of the site/forum… but you don’t hear from them all that often even though there are indications that there are women who are lurking in the background and reading what the guys are going on about.

Anyway, observing the bottoms being bottoms is teaching me a lot about how the guys who adopt the female/submissive role in sex are expressing themselves, from being “manly” about getting boned in da butt and submissively sucking cock, to letting their inner girl out and dressing appropriately for the occasion.

It’s been interesting to observe the guys who are both old hands at being a bottom and those guys who are thinking and/or just discovering that being a bottom works for them. To be blunt, they just love being taken by another man – or, for those guys who are thinking about becoming a bottom, it’s their much desired wish. For some, the more… “brutally” they’re taken and used, the better the experience will be for them while, for others, a more gentle and loving sexual experience is what floats their boats.

I go back into my memories and look at my own experiences and what I’ve learned from other guys and, except for guys who were “totally gay,” this… level of importance in being a bottom – and I say it like that because I can’t think of any way to write it at this moment – has really changed. In yet another of those “back in the day” moments, sure, you and another guy decide and agree that doing it to each other is what should be done; the clothes come off, the dicks come out and get sucked, either by mutual agreement and as the specific thing that’s needed – or just as a matter of course and as a prelude to some fucking.

Or, as the late, great Richard Pryor said in one of his routines, “You gotta suck my dick before you get my ass!” And while the whole top/bottom dynamic wasn’t what I’d called fully established, what was par for the course was if you fucked a guy, you could expect to be fucked in return – it was just the way it was and, sure, there were guys who didn’t want to be dicked and creamed but, okay – depending on the guy, maybe that’s a problem and deal breaker or it wasn’t and in a lot of cases, you just wanted to have sex with a guy and however it happened was fine and dandy and more so when I learned that a guy could fuck me and it was agreed that he’d be fucked but because he busted a nut in me, now that damned refractory period has landed on him like a ton of bricks and he’s just not feeling like having sex. Disappointing but it was what it was.

What I didn’t see – and excluding gay guys – was bisexual guys who insisted on “being the girl” at all times; you get with a guy and maybe you want to be fucked but he’s not feeling that so you just shrug and put it out of your mind so you can focus on the cock sucking that is going to happen – but with the “note” in your mind that things could change.

I don’t remember how many times I’ve heard myself – or the other guy – say, “Put it in me!” (or something along those lines) when it wasn’t what we agreed to in the beginning.

Today’s bottoms expect to have the dick in their asses and many of the bottoms I get to observe get a little bent out of shape to not get the dick in their ass. Many say that sucking the guy off isn’t really a bad thing but you can tell by their word usage that it bothers them that conditions like time and location might get in the way of having their asses reamed out.

Sure, again with more back in the day stuff, you’re lying there being fucked and thinking about how good (or fucked up) it feels along with that nagging thought in your mind that you’re being fucked like a girl – but it was what it was and you didn’t really place a whole lot of importance to being in the female/submissive role, even when sucking dick.

Today’s bottoms have a very different mindset and one I find to be just fascinating because they’ve really and truly embraced their inner girl and have little or no shame at all in their desires to always be the girl. Now, some guys are more, ah, slightly versatile in their activities but they’re really more bottom that versatile. Some of these guys say that, sure, they’ll bone the other guy but they’d rather be the one getting boned. It’s not really what they want to do but it is what it is and the only thing that makes this situation better is them getting boned at some point, thus satisfying their desire to submit themselves fully to another man’s lust – and as is right and proper for the way they think of themselves in this.

I read what they have to say and I can pick up how much being a total bottom means to them and with great emphasis on being submissive in every phase. If they’re sucking cock – or, I should say, when they have a dick in their mouth – whatever the guy wants to do in this situation is just fine with them, from face fucking them to taking their own sweet time sliding in and out of their mouth – and being told that they’re being a good little cock sucking bitch as they take the guy’s load.

The same sentiments apply when the dick goes in their asses; they live for that moment and it just frosts their cake, puts a cherry on top – whatever – to feel that guy hammering away in their backsides and, well, making them feel like the girl they want to be in this.

In the past that I remember, eh, guys getting boned didn’t think of themselves as being submissive and in any context you think the word means; the guy says that he wants to fuck you, you say, “That works!” and you get fucked, get creamed, and it’s on to whatever happens next. I know I never felt submissive when sucking dick or getting fucked – it just was what it was, par for the course, stuff like that. It’s what you wanted to do or what you wanted done, nothing more, nothing less. If the deal called for you to bone the other guy, okay, that’s what is gonna happen and I know that I’ve never thought of the guy whose ass I’m in as being submissive, even if/when he’s reacting to being fucked in similar ways that a woman might react – including hearing him, ah, strongly suggesting that I hurry up and cum.

But things change – they always change and nothing really stays the same, not even in this. That there are bisexual guys who are all about being submissive to other men isn’t something I’d say is really a new thing – it’s just a thing of this mindset being more visible (and we have the Internet to thank for that). Being submissive is, at a high level of thought, being vulnerable and sex makes us feel vulnerable and for some to the point where feeling that vulnerable is a feeling they’re not fans of.

The bottoms I observe want to feel vulnerable or, like one guy on the old forum said – and famously so in my opinion, “Fuck me like the bitch I am!” They’re men, of course, and just as masculine as a guy can be… until they’re naked and being subjected to another man’s lust from submissively sucking cock to submissively having their ass fucked and in whatever way the other guy wants to fuck it.

I talk to my protege about what he’s seeing and experiencing and he “confirms” a lot of what I see other bottoms are saying and behaving even though it kinda fucks with his head to see a guy letting his inner girl run the show. Indeed, there are a lot of bi guys who want the guy they’re gonna have sex with to act like a guy or if they have an inner girl, well, she wasn’t invited so leave her outside. Likewise, when you read profiles on apps/websites, there are a lot of guys who just do not want to get jiggy with guys with feminine behaviors… but today’s bottoms seem to be all about letting their inner girl run things and be totally submissive…

Which seems to me creates a conflict of some kind. Yeah, in the past and if you were taking the dick in your ass, you did it with the “usual” male stoicism – you just laid there and took the fucking “like a man” and not saying a whole lot while being fucked. Or, crazily, you’re being fucked like a girl… but don’t act like a girl while you’re being fucked.

Of course and as always, I mean absolutely no offense to any women reading this but, yeah, y’all know how you can act when you’re being fucked and it’s feeling really good to you. But until this change in the dynamic became more… prevalent, if you acted like a girl while having a dick in your ass, well, that was somehow off-putting and I’d even heard guys say, “If I wanted to fuck a woman, I’d go fuck a woman!”

Bottoms today appear to be more “womanly” as a default. Some time ago, I wrote a series of blogs where I talked about a moment in time where women put men on blast and demanded that we get in touch with our feminine side. What they meant was we needed to stop suppressing our emotional side, to be more open about our feelings and not necessarily in a sexual way. Today’s bottoms seem to have taken this admonishment to heart and are, in fact, very much in touch with their feminine side and especially when it comes to sex.

It may sound prejudicial for me to say this but please believe me when I say it isn’t but how bottoms are behaving today isn’t all that different from what one would expect from an effeminate gay man. I mean, back in the day of course, the only time you saw a guy being submissive and feminine during sex was when you hooked up with an effeminate gay man so, yeah, you came to expect it because their sexual behavior and their non-sexual behaviors were aligned with each other.

You see an effeminate gay man and you could be assured that if you had sex with him, he’s still be in full “girl mode.” So maybe it’s “shocking” to see guys who are very masculine in their normal mode of behavior but when you get them in bed, you get their inner girl and she’s been let off of her leash and just running wild.

I feel as if this means something… but I’m not sure what that meaning really is; it’s like I know what I’m seeing and hearing… but at the same time, I’m not sure of what I’m seeing and hearing. On the surface, it looks like the lines we use to divide ourselves in the M2M world and when it comes to sex are being erased or even merged. There is… conflict: Bottoms usually complain about not being able to find the tops they want to submit fully to and in true girly fashion while tops are pitching a bitch about always coming across men who act like men before the fact, but act like girls once the sex jumps off.

Yeah, there are guys who live to find that one guy they can sexually dominate – they wanna make some masculine guy their bitch and in every context that means but it stands to reason that there are men who wouldn’t or don’t object to being fucked… but they ain’t gonna be somebody’s bitch – and in every context that means, too.

But those guys, in the M2M world, are quickly becoming a minority, it seems – guy are wanting to be someone’s bitch; they want to be taken and used and the more aggressive, the better. In the past, cock sucking was a very mutual thing and it was rare to run across a guy who didn’t want to suck dick… but today, a lot of bottoms would prefer that you don’t even touch their dicks, let alone suck them and get them off that way. Again, it creates a conflict of sorts and even my protege says that he finds it bothersome to be with one of his bottoms and the guy doesn’t want to use his dick in any way it can be used. They’d prefer not to have their dick sucked because the bottom mindset says that he’s the only one who’s supposed to be sucking dick and getting fucked. He blows them – he just imposes his will on them but not in that making the guy his bitch kind of way but, to him, it’s just being fair: You suck my dick, I suck your dick and we both go away happy. Likewise, he’s of a mind that if he fucks them, they should be willing to fuck him when he’s feeling the need to be fucked.

Bottoms, it seems, have a very different agenda and in my observations, represents a major change in the dynamic. Again, it means something… I just don’t know what it means and what it’s saying about those bisexual men who, when with another guy, just and only wants to be the girl and reciprocation is off the table.

It’s like being with that woman who loves to suck dick… but don’t you dare try to eat her coochie… and unlike all the other women who insist and demand that you lick it before you stick it. To that end, nope – the guys who wanna let their inner girl out being a bottom aren’t really behaving like women in this one regard and, yeah, there are bottoms who wanna be very submissive in this… but you’re gonna suck their dick and even if you don’t get them off.

But I get it; a lot of bottoms don’t want to be sucked, not because it doesn’t fit their idea of being sexually submissive but because if their dick gets sucked and they cum, that damned refractory period – again – lands on them hard and takes them out of the game and makes begin fucked, at this point, a literal pain in the ass – it just isn’t fun or satisfying to be fucked when your mind and body are saying they don’t wanna be bothered now – leave me the fuck alone and let me take a nap or anything that doesn’t involve you pounding my hole, okay?

The education these guys are giving me is priceless and I’m privileged to be in a position to be able to compare how it was then with how it is now. Many people focus on what guys are doing to, with, and for each other – but not paying so much attention to why things are happening the way they are and I just think that to understand bisexuality in both men and women, you have to pay attention to the why more than the what because there’s something to be learned.

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Posted by on 2 July 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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