Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What Others Are Writing

19 Jul

So, now that I’m back to paying attention to the bisexual tag I put in place way back in the beginning of my blogging adventure, I read quite a few of the writings associated with the tag and it is so interesting to see what others are writing, from pieces that read like a master degree thesis to some where the author is baring their soul as they either rejoice in their bisexuality or how being bi is affecting them in some not-so-good ways.

I saw a lot of LGBTQ+ writings that either support Pride… or lambastes the organization for their lack of attention where bisexuals are concerned; I saw quite a few about coming out, from talking about the pros and cons from a theoretical point of view to others who wrote about their coming out and the results, including those who felt it was better to let their sexuality be on a need to know basis.

I saw one post where someone was trying to say something about dating bisexuals and even though I read it twice, I couldn’t get the gist of what the author was trying to say but, apparently, the author is of a mind that dating a bisexual is somehow different from dating anyone else which, just saying, I know that it isn’t. What I know is that people react differently when they find out their date is bisexual – and provided they even knew this when the date was set up. So I wasn’t quite sure what the author was trying to say but they said it and I read it and that was that.

One writing from, I think, a woman, was about three things she hears from people about her being bisexual. One was, “Whatever…;” another was, “You’re going to hell!” and the third was about threesomes – yeah, what a surprise, huh? – and she pretty much wrote about how silly people are about bisexual women. She did say that she does enjoy threesomes… and threesomes with two bi guys because she thinks it’s pretty damned hot to see two guys going at each other and giving her some attention.

It made me think of how many times in my life I’ve heard these three things and it makes a very pointed example of how the clueless rhetoric I grew up with is still being bandied about today; it still continues to amaze me how this is happening and in a time where we consider ourselves more enlightened but since this crap is still around, maybe we’re not as enlightened as we want to think.

There was the anticipated psychobabble which I always find interesting to see people who try to put an overly intellectual spin on being bisexual and a spin that, at times, doesn’t make a lot of sense but I’m not really all that surprised that some bisexual really do have a problem trying to describe and/or explain their being bisexual and opt to do it in a not-so-simple way and, perhaps, they’re of a mind that just saying, “I’m bisexual!” either isn’t going to really explain it or they feel they’re gonna be subjected to external opinions of what “I’m bisexual!” means to them…

And not so much what it means to the bisexual in question. Which, all by itself, can be pretty interesting and more so when the person offering up their opinion about bisexuality aren’t bisexual and, at best, they might know someone who is but, still, whatever comes out of their mouth will be more opinion than fact – it’s what they think and not really what they know.

Like, what I think about homosexuals is one thing and what I know about those I’ve come in contact with is something else. See, what really happens is we almost put a difference in place and, I think, so our brains can process it better. “Jules” is a bisexual or homosexual guy and there are two different thoughts going on – one is that he’s bi or gay and the other is what is known about him as a person… and the two things sometimes tends to clash because we also tend to have our thoughts about bi or homosexuality and have a different take on the person.

Or like how a lot of bisexuals are of a mind that they’re living two different lives when the truth and reality is, um, you’re only living one life and the only thing that has changed is how you might want to have sex.

I see what others are writing and think about my own perspective as a bisexual who’s been around for a few minutes and I’m not sure what to make of it. I see rhetoric that was as old as dirt when I first heard it decades ago; I see how some folks are just confused about being bisexual but that’s understandable because most bisexuals learn to be bisexual via on the job training or they learn whatever they need to know by word of mouth and, yeah, sometimes, signing onto the “for bisexuals” website and finding out what other bisexuals are doing.

People struggle with the ethical issues and since we, as a whole, still pitch a bitch over anyone who isn’t heterosexual, of course this struggle is going to be put in place because of this prevailing mindset… and not all bisexuals get around to figuring out that they’re struggling over… nothing. Despite what ethics and morals has to say about it, we determine our own paths in life and, yeah, sometimes, everyone has reason to deviate from ethics and morals but, hopefully, not outrageously so. Still, it’s up to each and every one of us to determine how we’re going to live our lives and in every aspect that calls for and, yep, having sex is a pretty big aspect and, nope, being straight or gay aren’t the only options.

It’s the thing that makes a lot of bisexuals say, “If God (or their deity of choice) didn’t mean for me to be like this, I wouldn’t be like this!” It also makes them say that they’ve “talked with God” about this and He/She is okay with it… so they’re okay with it. Conflict resolved; now it’s all about crumbling cookies – or not – whatever’s gonna work for how they wanna live their lives.

It’s all very interesting to me even when I remove my own perspectives and just be an observer but when I put them back, I still think that we make this harder and more complicated than it has to be… but we do this about a lot of things so I guess it’s just in our nature to not pay a lot of attention to that which is – and should – be obvious. It’s just that the prevailing mindset – to be straight and only straight – is giving bisexuals a lot of problems.

Religion is still a major driving force behind all of this and even though some religious subsets are more… open to not being straight, the main religions are still totally against it and still imposing all kinds of doom and gloom for disobedience to the edicts… and people are saying, “Fuck that… I gotta do what I know I gotta do… and if I’m going to hell, so be it.” A lot of people are “making noises” in favor of abolishing religion or, since that ain’t likely to happen, revising it to match the way people are and not so much a mandate about how everyone should be.

Because, despite all the taboos, mandates, yada, yada, people are straight, bi, gay, or whatever they see themselves as. This is fact but a fact that we also can’t seem to get our heads around – again, what we tend to believe doesn’t match reality and since this is basically true, sure, people are all over the place about being bisexual and running into problems or enduring other things that just makes them feel some kind of way or gets them writing about it in some… interesting ways that aren’t always clear.

People will eventually figure it out; they’ll get their issues dealt with or not because being bisexual is a learning process and one that never stops. Even I keep learning new stuff about being bisexual and, to me, that’s a good things because the real problem being bisexual is allowing yourself to get stuck in place; this is what I know and I don’t need to know anything else. It’s got nothing to do with doing – it has everything to do with understanding why bisexuality exists and why you’re bisexual and you can learn a lot by just paying attention to what other people are writing.


Posted by on 19 July 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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9 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: What Others Are Writing

  1. porngirl3

    19 July 2019 at 20:13

    Well said. My child recently came out as bisexual and I was very anticlimactic to it. I was like “great, I personally think we are all capable of being bisexual and potentially born tht way, but either way….I’m happy for you to know and accept who you are”

    She seemed a bit disappointed that it wasn’t a bigger deal. We will have our issues come up and I’m ready to stand behind her no matter what. But I still think people make way too much of a deal about something as natural as air.

    Are we going to outlaw that anytime soon? Crazy world we live in. Where the reality of how people are isn’t allowed to be, instead we have morality shoveled down out throats like some benchmark for being human. Humans are an array on the spectrums of every possible variety. I don’t get the hubbub.

    Liked by 1 person

    • kdaddy23

      19 July 2019 at 21:23

      She was disappointed, huh? Bet she expected you to blow a fuse… and you didn’t. Kids…

      Are we gonna “outlaw” making mountains out of molehills? Not in my lifetime but, clearly, bisexuals ain’t waiting for the world to change when, by comparison, it’s easier to change themselves. Being straight is forced onto everyone and everyone abides by it… until they have reason not to. The rules say this… but every fiber of my being is saying something different – oh, and something that’s prohibited. So what – it’s my life and my body and I make the final decisions here.

      We – bisexuals – understand that it shouldn’t make a difference; other folks can intelligently agree that it shouldn’t… but it still does and there’s your hubbub: Perception/beliefs versus reality… and the reality makes a lot of people very uncomfortable because they learn that what they always believed in got it all wrong.

      Being straight and monogamous is only one way, not the only way. And there are untold millions of us walking around as proof.


      • porngirl3

        19 July 2019 at 21:30

        Agree. Absolutely. Just don’t understand why the lies keep getting propped up as valid when they clearly aren’t. It defies logic to me and just makes people miserable. For what? For who’s agenda? All this needless suffering. I really don’t get it at all.


      • kdaddy23

        20 July 2019 at 03:08

        I understand it. As I said, bisexuality has upset a lot of world views and on the heels of homosexuals winning their war against society and morality. If there’s something we don’t understand,we try to kill it but if we can’t, we try to act as if it really doesn’t exist or shouldn’t. Such nonbelievers try to make what they’re seeing fit what they think they know and when they can’t it causes them problems and, well, bisexuals are at the root of their so-called issues with reality.

        They just don’t want to accept that their view of things sexual is wrong and always has been… so they fuss about it, quote scripture, dig up all the dirt they can and start throwing it around while maintaining that their way is still the only way… and, oddly enough, I’ve found that the majority of the people having hissy fits are homosexuals; most straight folks don’t give a fuck as long as a bi person doesn’t hit on them.

        Bisexuality makes some people miserable… and misery loves company.


      • porngirl3

        20 July 2019 at 11:36

        I agree with all of this.

        It’s funny to me that people erroneously believe that just because someone is on the lgtbqa spectrum that they are inclusive of each other but that was my same error in thinking when I joined FetLife and assumed they embraced all (legal) fetishes. They don’t. People are just as judgmental, entitled and self righteous as any other people in society. Maybe even more so because they feel they can have the right to regulate others within their “order”.

        It’s all just non-acceptance and lack of compassion and giving people space to be who they are. Fear based. Jealousy also, which stems from fear as well. And like you so aptly said, fear of the unknown. Which if we just accepted that things in life are never quite what they seem and learned to just go with the flow and let people enjoy themselves (as long as done with age, consent and desire) all would be well.

        Liked by 1 person

      • kdaddy23

        20 July 2019 at 13:42

        Look at it like this: You have the right to be whoever you are and to do you in any way you want to… as long as you’re being and doing like “everyone else” is. If not, well, that’s a problem. I know straight folks who’ll give me shit about being bi and how nasty that is… but I know what they’re into… and they make me being bisexual look tame by comparison. I’ve even had a few BDSM give me some static about it; they’ll frown because I like sucking cock but because they break out stuff that would be very familiar to Torquemada, they think this is okay to do stuff to each other that I’d never think of doing to another person.

        Go figure.

        Once you get your head around how tribal we can be – if you’re not like us, you’re against us and must be dealt with – then you also learn how not to pay it a whole lot of attention because you accept that this is just how people are. It’s also why we tend to flock together with like-minded individuals – if you’re like us, come on in, the water’s fine and whatever differences there are between us are deemed to be petty and not worth bringing up. If you’re into fetishes, okay, I respect your right to be into them even if some of them gives me chills but – get this – the thing that makes me so accepting is my bisexuality since, like folks into fetishes, I’m “out of bounds” with mainstream society.

        But what has that mainstream society feeling edgy about bisexuality is that you can’t look at someone and tell that they are. Your best friend could secretly be bisexual; if you think your wife is cheating on you, she might not be doing so with another man; you could have been standing in a line/queue somewhere and talking to a bisexual – and one who might have been checking you out on the sly – and you didn’t know.

        We are almost pathologically afraid of anything we don’t know or understand. Some of us get “brave” and seek to understand it; some of us gather up the pitchforks and torches. This fear is still so powerful and invasive that it has a lot of bisexuals questioning their sexuality or slicing and dicing it so that, at least to them, it’s not what it really is… and I find that disturbing.


      • porngirl3

        20 July 2019 at 14:02

        It’s not what it really is?

        I think it’s totally normal. How do you think they dice it incorrectly?

        I think it’s just them finding their own form of acceptance of it. Which unfortunately people feel the need to do.

        I say if we all could find a place of deep acceptance for ourselves with no need for explanations. That is simply who we are. Then we just cope with not causing harm to ourselves or each other within the realm of our complete being. But not hiding it. Not denying it. When the world can shift to that it will be a completely different place to be. But I suppose it starts with each of us individually. Maybe.


      • kdaddy23

        20 July 2019 at 14:24

        Oh, I could spend all day giving you examples of the slicing and dicing! Here’s one: “Sometimes I’ll get with a guy and we’ll suck each other off but I’m not gay or bisexual.”

        Or this one: “It’s not something I do all of the time.”

        Or the one that’s really making the rounds: “I don’t like being labeled as a bisexual.”

        I knew a guy in the swinging lifestyle who admitted to routinely sucking cock and being fucked… but he said he wasn’t bisexual because he did get his dick sucked or fucked a guy. He said that he couldn’t be bisexual because he was only doing what his wife ordered him to do as a part of their mistress/slave role playing.

        I thought – and still think – that even in this, you’re not going to do anything that you seriously and morally object to – there are limits that some people will not go beyond.

        Yet another example: “Because I don’t think I could be in a relationship with a man/woman, I’m not really bisexual.”

        I see stuff like this – and more – every day. Every day. And it still makes me ask myself, “What the fuck?” But I know why; it’s people knowing that they’re bisexual and just not accepting it, that and all the biphobic shit that’s all over the Internet and social media outlets.

        It’s that internal conflict where reality runs smack dab into the social programming we all get foisted onto us: Not only are boys not to have sex with other boys, no one should be having sex with men and women.
        So, in their minds, it becomes something it really isn’t because it’s what makes their mind deal with the reality “better.”

        Explanations. Nope, no one has to explain anything if they don’t want to but, yep, sometimes you do and sometimes the person you need to explain it to is yourself. Some bisexuals are of a mind that the hardest part is having the sex and that, believe it or not, is the easy part:

        The hard part is accepting that they are, in fact, quacking like the duck they really are in this. Harder still is getting those around you to accept that you look like a duck and quack like one.


      • porngirl3

        20 July 2019 at 17:38


        Well said. Makes sense. Sad. So sad. Societal standards are so hard to grapple with when they contradict our own desires. But it makes no sense at all. None. If it’s legal, consentual and desired. Who gives a?

        I guess it’s easier for me. I’ve always felt against the grain. I don’t try to fit in. I don’t have anyone’s approval I desire more than my own.

        I suppose if that’s never been the case for someone then it would be very hard indeed.



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