So, now that I’m back to paying attention to the bisexual tag I put in place way back in the beginning of my blogging adventure, I read quite a few of the writings associated with the tag and it is so interesting to see what others are writing, from pieces that read like a master degree thesis to some where the author is baring their soul as they either rejoice in their bisexuality or how being bi is affecting them in some not-so-good ways.
I saw a lot of LGBTQ+ writings that either support Pride… or lambastes the organization for their lack of attention where bisexuals are concerned; I saw quite a few about coming out, from talking about the pros and cons from a theoretical point of view to others who wrote about their coming out and the results, including those who felt it was better to let their sexuality be on a need to know basis.
I saw one post where someone was trying to say something about dating bisexuals and even though I read it twice, I couldn’t get the gist of what the author was trying to say but, apparently, the author is of a mind that dating a bisexual is somehow different from dating anyone else which, just saying, I know that it isn’t. What I know is that people react differently when they find out their date is bisexual – and provided they even knew this when the date was set up. So I wasn’t quite sure what the author was trying to say but they said it and I read it and that was that.
One writing from, I think, a woman, was about three things she hears from people about her being bisexual. One was, “Whatever…;” another was, “You’re going to hell!” and the third was about threesomes – yeah, what a surprise, huh? – and she pretty much wrote about how silly people are about bisexual women. She did say that she does enjoy threesomes… and threesomes with two bi guys because she thinks it’s pretty damned hot to see two guys going at each other and giving her some attention.
It made me think of how many times in my life I’ve heard these three things and it makes a very pointed example of how the clueless rhetoric I grew up with is still being bandied about today; it still continues to amaze me how this is happening and in a time where we consider ourselves more enlightened but since this crap is still around, maybe we’re not as enlightened as we want to think.
There was the anticipated psychobabble which I always find interesting to see people who try to put an overly intellectual spin on being bisexual and a spin that, at times, doesn’t make a lot of sense but I’m not really all that surprised that some bisexual really do have a problem trying to describe and/or explain their being bisexual and opt to do it in a not-so-simple way and, perhaps, they’re of a mind that just saying, “I’m bisexual!” either isn’t going to really explain it or they feel they’re gonna be subjected to external opinions of what “I’m bisexual!” means to them…
And not so much what it means to the bisexual in question. Which, all by itself, can be pretty interesting and more so when the person offering up their opinion about bisexuality aren’t bisexual and, at best, they might know someone who is but, still, whatever comes out of their mouth will be more opinion than fact – it’s what they think and not really what they know.
Like, what I think about homosexuals is one thing and what I know about those I’ve come in contact with is something else. See, what really happens is we almost put a difference in place and, I think, so our brains can process it better. “Jules” is a bisexual or homosexual guy and there are two different thoughts going on – one is that he’s bi or gay and the other is what is known about him as a person… and the two things sometimes tends to clash because we also tend to have our thoughts about bi or homosexuality and have a different take on the person.
Or like how a lot of bisexuals are of a mind that they’re living two different lives when the truth and reality is, um, you’re only living one life and the only thing that has changed is how you might want to have sex.
I see what others are writing and think about my own perspective as a bisexual who’s been around for a few minutes and I’m not sure what to make of it. I see rhetoric that was as old as dirt when I first heard it decades ago; I see how some folks are just confused about being bisexual but that’s understandable because most bisexuals learn to be bisexual via on the job training or they learn whatever they need to know by word of mouth and, yeah, sometimes, signing onto the “for bisexuals” website and finding out what other bisexuals are doing.
People struggle with the ethical issues and since we, as a whole, still pitch a bitch over anyone who isn’t heterosexual, of course this struggle is going to be put in place because of this prevailing mindset… and not all bisexuals get around to figuring out that they’re struggling over… nothing. Despite what ethics and morals has to say about it, we determine our own paths in life and, yeah, sometimes, everyone has reason to deviate from ethics and morals but, hopefully, not outrageously so. Still, it’s up to each and every one of us to determine how we’re going to live our lives and in every aspect that calls for and, yep, having sex is a pretty big aspect and, nope, being straight or gay aren’t the only options.
It’s the thing that makes a lot of bisexuals say, “If God (or their deity of choice) didn’t mean for me to be like this, I wouldn’t be like this!” It also makes them say that they’ve “talked with God” about this and He/She is okay with it… so they’re okay with it. Conflict resolved; now it’s all about crumbling cookies – or not – whatever’s gonna work for how they wanna live their lives.
It’s all very interesting to me even when I remove my own perspectives and just be an observer but when I put them back, I still think that we make this harder and more complicated than it has to be… but we do this about a lot of things so I guess it’s just in our nature to not pay a lot of attention to that which is – and should – be obvious. It’s just that the prevailing mindset – to be straight and only straight – is giving bisexuals a lot of problems.
Religion is still a major driving force behind all of this and even though some religious subsets are more… open to not being straight, the main religions are still totally against it and still imposing all kinds of doom and gloom for disobedience to the edicts… and people are saying, “Fuck that… I gotta do what I know I gotta do… and if I’m going to hell, so be it.” A lot of people are “making noises” in favor of abolishing religion or, since that ain’t likely to happen, revising it to match the way people are and not so much a mandate about how everyone should be.
Because, despite all the taboos, mandates, yada, yada, people are straight, bi, gay, or whatever they see themselves as. This is fact but a fact that we also can’t seem to get our heads around – again, what we tend to believe doesn’t match reality and since this is basically true, sure, people are all over the place about being bisexual and running into problems or enduring other things that just makes them feel some kind of way or gets them writing about it in some… interesting ways that aren’t always clear.
People will eventually figure it out; they’ll get their issues dealt with or not because being bisexual is a learning process and one that never stops. Even I keep learning new stuff about being bisexual and, to me, that’s a good things because the real problem being bisexual is allowing yourself to get stuck in place; this is what I know and I don’t need to know anything else. It’s got nothing to do with doing – it has everything to do with understanding why bisexuality exists and why you’re bisexual and you can learn a lot by just paying attention to what other people are writing.