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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Emergence

23 Jul

One of the things I’ve always enjoyed is hearing about someone’s first time on the other side of being bisexual (to put it nicely… and I haven’t had enough coffee to think of any other way to put it).

Age doesn’t seem to factor in to one’s moment of emergence; there are guys who emerge “right out of the gate” and plunge headfirst into that experimental phase that, if only in my opinion, is a word used to explain what’s really normal behavior in a lot of people. There are the guys who, as teenagers, are truly slaves to their raging hormones and, perhaps, not so much of a mind to check out dick but those damned hormones apparently makes doing so a great idea.

Then there are the “late bloomers,” those guys who’ve been dutifully heterosexual until they had reason not to be… and sometimes, their emergence catches them off guard, takes them totally by surprise and these guys, in particular, seem to have the hardest time adjusting to this new thing that’s going on with them.

I last wrote “TBT: Bearing Witness,” just one of many emergences I was honored to have been a part of and in many of them, it’s not that the guy really didn’t know why he wanted to do whatever; it’s just not so easily put into words even if they were really biding their time for the right moment and the right person to bring their secret desire into the light.

Sometimes, it’s all about timing. I’ve sat and listened to guys tell me that this was something they always wanted to do but if timing is a critical factor, image is a great deal more important and as evidenced by the guys who said, as a part of why they wanted to do something, that the reason why they put it off so long was they didn’t want to appear to be gay.

Some guys are made to emerge; not by force, mind you, but a single moment lined up the right way at the right time although, at first thought, a guy might say – before the fact – that they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and finding that some guy very much wanted to have some very carnal knowledge of them. And while some guys will speak to the many aborted attempts to complete their emergence, some do find themselves finding out what it’s like to be that deer caught in the headlights and in a situation where one part of them is screaming at them to get the hell out of dodge when they realize what’s about to happen… and another part tells them to stay put and let it happen.

Some guys regret staying put while many more find themselves happy that they didn’t haul ass. The guys who get me are the ones who find themselves all up into something and professing that they didn’t know what they were doing… and I’ve wondered if that’s a code phrase that really means they didn’t really know how to do whatever was being done in their emergence. But maybe they really didn’t know how to suck the dick that wound up first in their hand, then their mouth… but they figured it out. Then there are the guys who said they didn’t know what was going on but when mouth met dick, well, they sure as hell knew what to do with it.

Some guys are just naturals, some are fast learners, and some guys never really get the hang of it but where they might lack any measure of masterful technique, they make up for it with a great deal of enthusiasm and determination to get that cock sucking thing down pat.

Of equal interest is what guys experience in their emergence; sometimes, it’s just some mutual jerking off while sucking cock is the first step for many guys… then there are the guys who want that – or get that – dick in their ass as a starting point… and sometimes, if they had it in their head that being screwed was gonna be what the doctor ordered, they changed their minds pretty quick upon initial entry or the attempt to do so.

I’ve run into a few guys who wanted this first and foremost and I’ve done my best to talk them out of it and suggest that this be something to “work up to” – spend some time sucking dick and getting fingered before taking the giant leap and telling some guy who might be hyped to fuck your virgin ass to stick it in… and he might not do so easily and as comfortably as possible.

Nothing will have your dreams of a good emergence shattered by having a hard dick rammed into your butt without much in the way of consideration or mercy. Still, those wanting anal for their emergence point would say that, yeah, they know it’s gonna hurt going in and they’re prepared for it… then find out that they really weren’t. I mean, if a guy is determined to experience this first, nothing I could say to them would deter them until they felt the knob of my dick going in and convincing them that, nope, not so ready as they believed themselves to be.

I read where some guys took the dick in their ass… and hated everything about it… at first. Then the guys who tried it, hated it, wouldn’t do that again even if at gunpoint. Then there are the guys who knew they weren’t gonna like it but allowed it to be done anyway… and who knew being screwed could feel so good?

It’s an important moment in anyone’s life who is going through an emerence. Some guys discover, in that moment, that their inner girl is alive and well and asking to borrow the car while other guys have being masculine redefined for them. Guys have their resolve put to the test; some have to face their fears and some feel that rush of “freedom” because they’ve found the thing that makes them feel whole and complete.

I see some guys being snarky about the emergence of other guys and like they’ve forgotten what their first time was like… and maybe they’re snarky because their emergence didn’t go all that well. I am aware of what some folks are saying about what guys do with each other and how it overshadows what it took for that guy to, first get to the point where something has to be done, then face the moment of truth, and then deal with his thoughts and feelings after the fact and those things can be quite sobering and in need of sorting out.

Which is why, in my opinion, you never, ever leave someone hanging after their emergence because it’s in that after-the-fact moment that the real damage can be done and that’s to be prevented as much as humanly possible. A lot of guys emerge… and commence to second-guessing themselves; they have varying degrees of regret, guilt, and sometimes shame depending on how things happened.

To me, there’s nothing worse that having all of this going on in your head and there’s no one around to help you deal with it. I recall a time when I was talking to a guy about this very thing and he asked, “Why would you even care if they got all fucked up behind it?”

“Because someone has to,” I replied, biting back a strong feeling of annoyance over such a callous thought.

“Nobody did that shit for me,” the guy said.

“Nobody did it for me either… which kinda makes my point, doesn’t it? Not everyone can adjust so easily to this and walk away from their first experience feeling like everything is now right in their world,” I said – I really wanted to punch him but refrained from doing so.

“I care about what happens to and with them once the deed is done,” I said. “Why do you think so many guys get into this and wind up being troubled and traumatized?”

“You act like I give a fuck,” he said.

“Yep – that’s exactly why some guys get so fucked up in the head because assholes like you don’t give a fuck,” I said – and I was hoping he’d get offended enough to give me the justification of putting my foot in his ass and up to my knee.

But he didn’t but at least it made him think about himself and his potential role of fucking up another man’s life… and all because he saw no sense in talking to them after the fact. He did, in fact, change the subject, which was fine with me.

One’s emergence is a very serious thing and no matter how they complete their emergence or when they do.

 
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Posted by on 23 July 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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