Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Did I Miss Something?

07 Aug

So… one of the guys on the forum was riffing about the M2M dating scene and talking about how guys just aren’t interested in establishing any kind of relationship and preferring to just hit it and get ghost. A lot of guys chimed in on this one and addressing their own displeasure at this behavior and even tossing in the disease card and, methinks, perpetrating a bit of a myth that casual sex equals catching very nasty shit and like it’s a given.

I’m reading what the OP wrote, read the comments offered up, and asked myself, “Did I miss something?” and I asked myself this question because I was wondering when guys stopped being guys about stuff like this? Now, let’s not get any misunderstanding going here: There are guys who are relationship minded and simply because that works best for them. So I’m never gonna say that there aren’t bi guys out there looking for a bi guy to call his own; safer, convenient, and even justifiable.

Doesn’t change the fact that there are guys who want the sex… and just the sex, that and there’s something… weird going on here in that guys are becoming more and more adamant about dating and with the same expectations, i.e., a date with a guy is really an interview for suitability in a relationship setting. And it seems it’s being assumed that if a guy agrees to go out on a date with you, he’s gotta be interested in more than just having sex with you because that’s what and how you’re expecting him to behave.

The guys on this topic/post were riffing about all those guys who just want to get their shit off and, thanks for the good time, no need for us to do this again… and some guys feel this is just so fucked up and I’m wondering why they’re expecting men to behave in a way that, in my experiences, they very rarely do. Yes… some guys are looking for that FWB they can be exclusive with… most guys just want to get their dicks hard and make them soft again and without any further involvement… unless you’re gonna let them get at you again… but let’s just keep it in a sex-only kind of mode, okay?

Some guys aren’t able to engage in anything other than sex and I don’t quite understand why guys are having a problem understanding this. Guys aren’t exactly what anyone would call being out and a lot of guys are already in a relationship with someone and since they don’t have permission to get some dick/ass on the side, well, that’s why the DL exists so that “Herb” can get the dick/ass he needs and, hopefully, without anyone being the wiser.

I recall – and, yup, in yet another of those back in the day moments – talking to a guy about this dick thing and what the appeal, at the time, really was and the biggest bullet point was that guys were getting with each other because it was convenient and that you didn’t have to go through all the stuff that one had to do with women in order to get their rocks off.

No dating, no promises of seeing each other beyond that moment, no compromising, very few if any conditions, stuff like that. Indeed, things got to the point where a lot of guys were finding out that getting with a guy was just easier than trying to convince a woman to let you do her and more so when a relationship, for whatever reason, wasn’t wanted or possible.

It is, indeed, something women just don’t like about us – we have that “ability” to want and have sex without anything that even looks like a relationship being in play and, well, even I know that we’re like this, not because some of us don’t want a relationship but, sure, we want – and need – to have sex and not much more than that; we’re hard-wired for it and women have been busy doing their best to get us out of that hard-wired behavior because, duh, it doesn’t fit their view of things.

And now there are guys who are behaving the same way… and these guys aren’t gay – you almost and kinda expect gay men to behave in this way and, yep, it’s also one of the reason why some gay men despise bi guys because, sure, we’ll give up the dick or our asses… and that’s about all that’s gonna happen, thank you very much. It’s another one of those things that, from where I’m sitting and observing, I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing but to listen to some of the fellas, “guys being guys” is a very bad thing these days.

I think about all those guys who constantly and consistently say that they can’t find a man to get their groove on with… and what they may really be saying is that they can’t find a man who’d want to be in a relationship with them in order to get their groove on… and I’m not sure why they find this to be unusual – it’s like they’ve somehow forgotten what men are like, if that makes sense and in the way I just wrote it.

The dynamic is changing in some interesting and curious ways and the one thing I’m seeing a lot of is expectations failing to match up – or even be remotely close – to a reality that, in my mind, has always existed: Men want to have sex and in the least complicated way they can manage to do so. Women, again historically, make getting laid complicated but if you really know anything about women, you kinda understand why they do and we accept it even when we don’t always agree with it – it’s just the way it is and the way it always and usually has been; you could walk up to a woman and ask her to have sex with you… and you might survive it after she shreds your ass for having the nerve to ask her… or you might just get lucky and she wants to get laid – and without the complications of having a relationship.

And now, it seems that bi guys, in particular, are behaving in a similar manner, making me feel like I’ve missed something but, nope, pretty sure that what I’ve been seeing is some real-deal shit: Bi guys just don’t want to conveniently get some dick/ass – they want it along with a relationship of some kind; it’s no longer “good enough” to get some cock from “any” guy who’s willing to let them at it and the current level of justification for this change is the risk of catching something nasty…

When, in fact, that’s still quite possible even with a relationship in place which is also why there’s more of a push for exclusivity taking place; that doesn’t remove any risk – at best, it minimizes the risks inherent with sex – and sex with anyone. I don’t know if, again, this is some kind of normalization taking place that, if for no other reason, might make bisexuality in anyone more socially acceptable… or there’s some very serious script-flipping going on.

And the key thing is dating and what it implies. Once upon a time, you went on a date with someone just to be with them and share that moment in time with or without sex – just two people hanging out because they could hang out, nothing more or less. But we know – or should know – that women, in particular, date for a reason… and it’s not always because they wanna get laid. Well, maybe they do… but dating a guy is a test for homeboy and a lot of women are totally pissed about dating because guys wind up being their idea of a dud – and even when they give homey da booty… then gets ghost, trashing her hopes for something a bit more binding and lasting. Maybe not marriage but more than just a one night stand – unless, again, that’s all she’s really interested in.

Bi guys are wanting to date with a purpose now and the main purpose is to not have a one night stand – that’s just unacceptable and, it seems, a lot of guys are getting totally bummed out because guys are still being guys: Let’s just get the dicks out, use them on each other in some way, and go on about our respective business afterward and thanks – that’s just what the doctor ordered. And if I don’t see you again, it’s not personal… and guys are starting to take it very personally, it seems.

And I’m not sure why – have they really forgotten how guys can be about this? Have they really forgotten about this thing about us that, again, women don’t really like about us? That we can have mad crazy sex with someone and chances are nothing else will come of it – and the pun is certainly intended here? Or are we – bi guys – becoming of a mind that if “Ralph” is looking for a bi guy to call his own, then any and every man “Ralph” checks out has to be of the same mind and purpose?

And when a lot of guys ain’t feeling that with other guys and sometimes the reason they ain’t feeling it is because a relationship is or can be a “complication” in their lives and there’s no room for it or, in their minds, no need for it. Like with my protege; the guys he routinely deals with want him to be exclusive to them and them alone… he’s just not feeling any of that. His idea of FWB is actually the “original” version of it: All of the perks, none of the responsibilities needed and required in a real relationship. We can hang out together and do non-sexual stuff but, sure, if the need arises, we can do that, too, if ya want to; if not, it’s still all good – see ya next weekend if you’re free.

Not anymore, it seems. I find it all very curious and interesting. I don’t really have a personal opinion either way but, yeah, this is amazing and so very different from the dynamic I grew up with and experienced for so very long. I get it… and not so much and that’s probably why I feel like I’ve missed something. We’re taking casual, recreational sex off the table; like I said, it’s no longer good enough that two guys can get together with the sole purpose of getting each other off and calling it a day and, sure enough, a great departure from the dynamic I was used to.

Dating sucks and as a whole lot of people are finding out. Ask any woman who’s dated a guy and she’ll be happy to tell you how much it sucks and more so when homey turns out not to be the one to kinda/sorta settle down with… and now bi guys are finding out the same thing… and something that, I think, they should be very much aware of because, um, they’re guys themselves.

Or are we forgetting this? Could it be that what it “means to be a dude” is changing? Damned if I know… I just find it very interesting to see how bi guys are reacting to dating other men and, duh, finding it not to their liking. Women have got to be laughing their cute asses off because guys are finding out what they’ve always known:

Some of us are just sex-crazed assholes with some kind of built-in aversion to being relationally committed to someone… or anyone for that matter. Where, once upon a time, a guy diving into the pool of bisexuality served to take care of his hard-wired need to have sex and, again, without being put through the wringer and as women are wont to do, well, shit’s changing it looks like. So why are some guys so… surprised when guys are still acting like the guys a lot of women still don’t like? Dating men sucks? Of course it does – again, ask any woman about how much it sucks and never in a good way.

What do these guys really expect? It’s not as if it’s all that unknown that there are a slew of bi guys who are, in fact, not “being bi” because they can’t see themselves having a relationship with another guy; be friends, sure; maybe be “fuck buddies;” okay, we can do that as long as it doesn’t get any more serious than that. Like you enough to want to get naked with you? Sure, entirely possible; be your boyfriend? Not even gonna happen, fella, and I’ve heard guys say, “That’s what women are for…” and, no, ladies, that’s not as offensive as it sounds: It’s just that women are better suited for romance, love, and stuff like that… where guys, until here of late, are – or were – best suited to just being guys and in formerly sex-only terms.

Wanna get into a bro-job situation? Sure, no problem – we’re bros and we understand that among us, needs must. Wait… you’re looking for a boyfriend of sorts? Whoa… hold up for a minute! I like you… but I don’t like you that much. What, you don’t like that I’m a “bro” to other guys? How and why is that a problem? It’s not like we’re married or some shit like that! And why do you wanna ruin what’s been a good thing for the both of us by making things more serious than they have to be?

As I’ve been saying about this, I get it… and I don’t. I don’t have a problem with these… changes in the dynamic but I am fascinated by them. Even women are able to say – now – that a guy can have their body but if they want their heart, well, he’s gonna have to put in some serious work to get it. And now, it seems, guys are saying it, too… and getting quite disillusioned and disappointed because you’re not gonna get their body until you win their heart and if you do happen to get it, you’d better not vanish like smoke in the wind after you get it.

Or, don’t you dare act like a guy, man…. Guys are bitching about the foibles of dating other guys… but should they be?

Fuck if I know.


Posted by on 7 August 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


Tags: , , , ,

33 responses to “Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Did I Miss Something?

  1. John Brownstone

    7 August 2019 at 16:08

    I think it depends on the person, myself I like to have some kind of connection with a person. More of a FWB, or as some would call it demisexual. Having some kind of emotional connection with a person enhances the sexual connection for me. Not everyone is like that and they don’t need that type of connection to be sexual with someone. I had one night stands/flings back in the day and they left me unfulfilled, once I realized that and I formed a connection with a person it became way better. Is it something new? No I don’t think so, it is just something that some people are more willing to be open about.


    • kdaddy23

      7 August 2019 at 16:59

      And I’d not say you were wrong or being weird… but you hit the nail on the head when you say it depend on the person; it’s what they want and need… it is it a “mandatory” thing that all guys have this mindset and not act like… guys?

      Is this the way it should be? If you have a connection – and you’re idea of what that means – with “Bill” – but he’s not in a situation where being an exclusive FWB doesn’t work for him, does that sour him in your eyes and despite how well things were prior to them getting more serious?

      Should a guy be DQ’d for this? I’d say no… and I’m probably the only one. It is truly wrong for a guy to get some cock – and because it’s convenient – but while looking for that Mr. Right kind of guy? I don’t think it is… but I might be in the minority on this one as well.

      How much of a connection is needed and who gets to define this? Does it have to be romantic?

      A lot of guys are saying that this is mandatory before someone can get into their pants; many more won’t take that initial plunge without it. Should it be this way as matter of course? I don’t know… but a lot of these same guys are wondering why they’re not getting any dick or action from other guys.

      I’m just the guy trying to figure out why.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. porngirl3

    7 August 2019 at 18:53

    I think it’s wonderful!!! I’m so thrilled by this. Finally men seem to be connecting mind, body and emotion. It’s what’s been drastically needed in this world. I want to do backflips right now. Now your old school. You don’t see the benefit of this but I see the benefit to humanity. I’m loving it


    • kdaddy23

      7 August 2019 at 19:03

      Didn’t say I don’t see the benefit; I just wondering why and I’m not the only one – just the one who’ll say something about it. Guys ask me and I’m saying, “I’m not really sure – lemme get back to you…” What I see are guys being guys – let’s just have sex – and guys wanting more than that. Good? “Bad?” I dunno because I hear from both camps – those who ain’t feeling a relationship and those who are.

      Makes me ask myself, “What’s going on and why?” Yeah, I’m old school enough to have been around when women demanded we get in touch with our feminine sides, to be more emotional and open as women are – that was back in the late 70s/early 80s in my neck of the woods… and in 2019, guys are doing just that.

      Does why really matter? It probably shouldn’t but it does to any bi guy not in the market for a “boyfriend.” I often get to be the guy who tries to explain it to other guys.


      • porngirl3

        7 August 2019 at 19:10

        Lol. That happens when you seem the expert in the subject. I’m so glad. We’ve been asking men to evolve and find their emotional pathway and connect it to their sexuality and I’m amazed it is happening. Just amazed!! It used to be a small subsect of men that admitted to needing emotional intimacy and now…….. woot woot…… there is an avalanche. Viva la revolution!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • kdaddy23

        7 August 2019 at 21:44

        A revolution… or a revelation for men and, specifically, bisexual men? I’m not sure…


      • porngirl3

        8 August 2019 at 00:20

        Lol. Both? We can be all things. Spiritual, emotional, physical, mental. When we are optimal in all categories then we are more fully completel as human beings. This truly is a wonderful phenomenon.


      • kdaddy23

        8 August 2019 at 00:32

        That’s just it, I think: We’re not all that optimal and it’s giving guys fits.


      • porngirl3

        8 August 2019 at 03:23

        Lol. Well. So what? Frankly. We’ve dealt with it forever. You don’t take that shit personal. You move on. Find what you want. Everyone deserves to find someone one the same page; one night stand or not.

        One of my besties (girl) got the best time of her life sexually from a one night stand. It is possible. Almost improbable for most women but you just never know.

        The beauty of life is just that really. B


      • kdaddy23

        8 August 2019 at 20:28

        Yep – kinda what I was thinking; good sex is where you can find it, whether it’s one hell of a one night stand or something that’ll hopefully last for years to come. What I know for a fact is that I wouldn’t let my balls turn blue waiting on relationship sex…


      • porngirl3

        8 August 2019 at 20:50

        OMG. Lol

        Don’t start with that blue balls thing. Men act like they have the market cornered on horniness. Please!!

        We just have way too much shit to do to have sex constantly on the brain.

        But given how many women cheat and how great sex feels I really don’t think it’s a matter of who wants it more. Men are just anatomically set up for easier and quicker orgasms.

        I think if I had it my way gang bangs would be a natural every day acceptable lifestyle and women’s orgasms would be the most important part of the equation, not men’s. Lol


      • kdaddy23

        8 August 2019 at 21:34

        We don’t have the market cornered… we just think about it every eight seconds or so. It you’re right – not matter of who wants it more but one of how you’d prefer to get it.


      • porngirl3

        9 August 2019 at 01:25

        True. That 8 second thing is a myth by the way. 😉


      • kdaddy23

        9 August 2019 at 01:41

        I dunno – I read it somewhere… and I’ve never timed how often I think about sex unless “a lot” is a valid measurement of time.


      • porngirl3

        9 August 2019 at 02:07

        I think it’s plenty valid. Lol


      • kdaddy23

        8 August 2019 at 21:36

        I think orgies should be revived as a normal activity…


      • porngirl3

        9 August 2019 at 01:25

        Yes. Please. Let’s. 😝💋


      • kdaddy23

        9 August 2019 at 01:41

        I’m game; wouldn’t be my first rodeo…


      • porngirl3

        9 August 2019 at 02:08

        I’ll pass. But that is something I deeply admire about you.


      • kdaddy23

        9 August 2019 at 02:10

        It’ll answer the question of how much you REALLY like sex, that’s for sure.


      • porngirl3

        9 August 2019 at 02:32

        Lol. Oh. I know that answer already. Trust me.

        I saw this porn of a gang bang and this poor girl was being rough housed and played with solely for the men’s enjoyment but she was trying to play with herself and make it fun for herself and they were laughing at her. They wanted her to be miserable. That was their point. They smacked her and humiliated her and wanted her to be hurt. They then stopped her from playing with herself.

        Then I see the ones where they break out the vibrator and force orgasm after orgasm and almost make her scream from too much.

        Those seem the extremes. I don’t like either frankly. I’m starting to dislike porn. Which after my moniker seems a weird place to find myself in life. Lol


      • kdaddy23

        9 August 2019 at 02:35

        I feel ya; if some dudes are gonna gang up on a willing babe, make it all about her and ensure she doesn’t regret any of it. Porn… eh, don’t get me started on that…


      • porngirl3

        9 August 2019 at 03:03

        Lol. I just included you in my masturbating thoughts. 💋💋💋


      • kdaddy23

        9 August 2019 at 03:07

        I’m honored! Rub on!


      • porngirl3

        9 August 2019 at 03:18

        Rub? Is that a real thing. This loveliness needs a real cock and/or vibrator to get off. That’s a project of mine but I’ve tried a few times and so far no bueno. Lol


      • kdaddy23

        9 August 2019 at 03:23

        Yes, still a real thing! Just do whatever works for ya!


      • porngirl3

        9 August 2019 at 03:26

        Always the coolest you are my friend. 🥰💋❣️


      • kdaddy23

        9 August 2019 at 03:27

        I do my best…


      • porngirl3

        9 August 2019 at 01:26

        I bet violence would be drastically reduced in the world of this happened. 😉


      • kdaddy23

        9 August 2019 at 01:42

        I’m sure it would be; get laid, be a more happy camper


      • porngirl3

        9 August 2019 at 02:08



      • kdaddy23

        9 August 2019 at 02:09



      • porngirl3

        7 August 2019 at 19:22

        Don’t get me wrong. I think there is room for all aspects of sex and I like just sex as much as the next guy but I love this new paradigm so much. I really do.

        Liked by 1 person


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

The Three of Us: Kit, Kitten, and Kitty

This blog is mostly about personal growth. It’s random and it’s ever changing.

Corrupting Mrs Jones

Often unfiltered thoughts.

Gemma - Journey of Self discovery

So, I've been spanked, hard! I have spanked myself hard, I have spanked others even harder! I'm now heading for a different road, one that still includes all the best bits of me, all the naughty bits, all the hot steamy bits, and plenty of spanking still to be had! But this time I'm creating characters to play out my delightful erotic fantasies, I hope you enjoy the new ride as much as the previous one...

Marla's World

Sporadic randomness from a disheveled mind.

Miss D

My BDSM adventures and accounts as a kinky sadomasochist

The Middle-Aged Bisexual

Struggling with my bisexuality in a heterosexual relationship

Porn Girl

BDSM, Femdom, D/s, sex and life in general

Water bound girl

A Submissive Journey


Musings & Interests of a Bisexual Man

A journey into surrender

Finding Strength in my Submission

Mature audience only, 18+ NSFW...kinky sex & spankings ahead!

Acquiescent Soul

Internal Perspective

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.


by Hannah

Hopeful Heartache

Ramblings about life, relationships, anxiety, depression, and questions.

SeXXy Julie

Sordid Sex Stories & Erotica of a Cougar

Temperature's Rising

Still hot. (It just comes in flashes now.)


Random thoughts from a random mind


Writing about recovery.

Wake Up- Get Up- Stand up

"We the People" need to stand together.

The Watering Hole

Where everyone comes to quench their thirst for insight to life's challenging questions.


Parts Of My Life

Date A Bisexual

Love the one you love


The Wise Serpent

a worried whimsy

bouncing between happy and anxious

The Self-Actualized Life

Have a fulfilling life sexually and every other way!

Larry Archer's World (

------ Erotica from the dirty mind of Larry Archer


is there a path to a successful open marriage?


The silent inside of an anonymous Indian rebelling against society

The (Bi)te

The uninteresting world of a young bisexual girl


What Perspective Matters Most Depends on Your Perception


Just my random thoughts and meanderings... I'll try to keep you entertained


when and why size matters


I write when the choice is to die if I don't

My SEXuality

Why am I afraid to tell you who I'am?

Confessions of a Cheating Housewife

...because love just isn't enough ;)

Apparently I Don't Exist

The Many Adventures of a Bisexual Genderqueer

Writing Myself into a Hole

The flailing scraps of a struggling writer. Original fiction and creative whining, whenever my petulance will allow it.

%d bloggers like this: