This might sound like a public service announcement but all sex is risky and while we hear about the risks and are encouraged to avoid them – and by not having sex – when we all jump into the pool, we’re also accepting the associated risks. Not all of the risks are health-related unless broken hearts, shattered dreams, unfulfilled expectations, and aborted friendships and relationships are considered to be medically related conditions.
In the world of M2M sex there’s great awareness of the risks or, the enhanced or extra risks and guys are right to be concerned about them and it seems to be apparent that making sure men thinking about getting jiggy with other men are very aware of the risks goes a long way to make sure that the home boys keep their dicks in their pants and out of each other’s hands, mouths, and backsides.
It’s not that a lot of bi guys sitting on the bench haven’t gotten the message – it’s why they’re still sitting on the bench. In the majority of conversations I’ve read by guys on the forum, this is their number one concern – getting caught in the act or otherwise outed is second; getting disappointed is somewhere on the list and not too far from the fear and frustration of not being able to find a Mr. Right that’s close to them but not all that close.
Hand jobs, blow jobs, anal penetration, rimming, and even frotting all carry some risks and to the point where some guys can give themselves Pyrienne’s Disease and actually break their dick by spanking the monkey too hard and now they’ve got this… bend in their shit from a slight one to holy shit – how does he have sex with that thang!
Any of these things can be done using condoms and an oral dam would be just what the doctor ordered for those, ah, tongue between the cheeks moments. Like fingers and hands in your butt? Literally put a glove on it! Got that favorite toy you like using on yourself? Wrap it up in a condom before wearing your ass out with it and giving your prostate a good and proper beatdown.
These are all common sense things that all men who have sex with men should always do to protect themselves and others – but this really isn’t the point of this scribble that still might look like a PSA.
The real point is the fear factor and it is insidious to the point where, listening to some guys, if they even touched another guy’s cock, he’s gonna catch something he might not be able to get rid of easily or at all. I’ve heard of and have read about a lot of guys who love to suck cock but with the “Don’t bust a nut in my head, dude!” caveat in place because everyone knows how dangerous it is for men to swallow another man’s semen (imagine me rolling my eyes as I type this one). Sure, they could slip a condom on the dick but if you think tasting sperm is an acquired taste, so is sucking cock encased in a condom – those things just don’t taste good at all.
But, eh, they don’t – well, they don’t as a hard-set rule of conduct and engagement and it’s not like guys still do what guys in my generation were known to do – always carry a condom on you even though it can be kinda embarrassing to, say, pull out your wallet for something and there’s that very obvious outline and impression stamped into it.
Hey! Dude got a condom in his wallet! Snorts, laughs, giggles, eyebrows bobbing up and down and in true Groucho Marks style, wink, wink. What I wonder, however, is whether or not guys realize that the moment their lips meet dick, they’re already exposed to any potential risk – no need to wait for the creamy finish to become exposed.
Some guys do realize it and if condom-flavored dick isn’t a taste they’ve acquired, they do the simplest thing: Don’t suck the dick. Smart, safe, and about as frustrating as anything can be to want to very badly do this but it’s not really all that safe to do so.
Guys will pass on taking a hard one in their butt in favor of having a fake one in there… but those puppies also bring their own level of risk to the table and more so if you’ve seen what guys can stick in their butts from stupidly big butt plugs to phallic-like objects that takes the male form to very extreme levels. But I’d have to say that some guys see these objects as being less risky than having a fuck buddy sliding in and out of there, leaking pre-cum and prior to cutting loose with enough spunk to repopulate the world.
And there are guys who are scared to death of such toys and I’d say rightfully so. Still, it’s being said that if you can’t take a fake in the butt, taking the real thing in there won’t be all that easy and, okay, that makes sense… but just like the guys who don’t want cum in their mouth, a lot of guys assume that if they pull out before they bust that nut, they’ve dodged the risk of either of them catching something nasty.
Nope, not true at all, even when the recipient does all he can to clean his hole and even that proposes some minor risks, like using solutions that kill all the good bacteria in their and bacteria that’s needed for, um, normal functions as well as drying out tissues that aren’t meant to be dried out and increasing the risk of tearing and abrasions.
Like I told my protege during a discussion about this, the moment the head of your dick makes contact with that hole – even when properly prepared – you’re assuming the risk unless you got your shit all nice and wrapped up.
I see guys fretting over all of this and they either keep their horny asses on the bench or they don’t… and I’ve asked them that if you’re so concerned and/or worried about this, why aren’t you using protection? One thing about wrapping a dick up is an unusual phenomenon where a guy goes to wrap his cock up prior to use… and his boner vanishes; take it off and his boner reappears and, nope, I have no freaking idea why this happens.
Some guys talk about the loss of sensation, even with the thinnest condoms on the market which is probably the culprit in the loss of erection thing I just mentioned. Guys on the receiving end of a wrapped up dick speak to this loss of sensation thing; you know you have a dick in your mouth or butt but, ya know, you just can’t really feel it all that much and some guys even talk about not really being able to feel the other guy busting his nuts wide open and, well, um, one of the reasons for doing this is to feel that happening.
I even know women who aren’t fond of a wrapped up dick and for some of these same reasons but they have the extra incentive to insist on their use when they’re not of a mind to become someone’s mommy. Still, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Back to guys. It is presumed that the more you know about a guy, the more you lessen your chance of risk – and this makes sense but only if a guy is going to really disclose every little thing he does with his dick. There was a lot of emphasis on getting tested before sex with anyone new could take place, which is also smart and sensible but, um, go find out what this battery of lab tests cost and more so if your insurance ain’t all that good or you don’t have any. There are places where one can get tested at no cost but the “problem” here is having to wait an inordinately long time for the results and if you’re sitting back and waiting for them, you’re not having sex with anyone.
Oh, yeah, there’s the embarrassment factor to go along with this and a lot of guys don’t go to a doctor as regularly as they should and they’re really not of a mind to tell a doctor that he’s been having a lot of sex with other men as well as women because, you know, image is still everything.
The moral of all of this is that if you wanna be safe having sex, don’t have sex… which kinda defeats the purpose, huh? It’s always a trust issue and it’s not trusting that the dude doing something to you is gonna rock your world and in amazing, memorable fashion; nope, you’re trusting him not to present a whole lot of risks, both physical and emotional.
More guys get jacked up emotionally than they do physically in this because getting with some dick always sounds like a good idea, right up until you find out that it wasn’t the dick itself you had to be concerned with: It’s the guy it’s attached to that’s the biggest problem. I’d say that this alone is why a lot guys want that investment from another guy right up front and taking a pass on spontaneous sexual opportunities… except, even in a invested situation, the emotional damage can be severe and not so easily fixed.
Having someone really giving a fuck about you doesn’t always insure that any sex you have with them will be risk-free – we just trust that it will be and there’s no guarantee that it will be either way. Why? Well, it’s kind of an easy answer: Guys behave differently when their dicks get hard. Before the dicks come out, homey can be as cool as the other side of the pillow but when his dick comes out and gets hard? Jekyll and Hyde time and now you find yourself having sex with a guy who isn’t as nice as he appeared to be before the fact.
In this, guys get to understand why women can be the way they are about giving up the booty because there is nothing worse than being sexed by someone who, in that moment, wasn’t the nice guy he was before the fact… and not all guys can take this in stride and look at it as an occupational hazard even when you think you know all you need to know about him; you just don’t ever take into consideration that people change, not just over an extended period of time but literally from one moment to the next.
So how does one avoid the risks? Again, stop having sex – period. Oh, wait… that’s a physical and emotional health risk, too! You just have to be smarter to minimize the risks and a lot of them can be dealt with at the price of a condom; minimizing the emotional risks, well, that’s actually harder to do but a good rule of thumb is when in doubt about him, do nothing and don’t let him goad or otherwise pressure you into doing anything when your instincts are screaming at you to keep walking or to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.
Guys get caught up in statistics and I see guys on the forum providing stats on the likelihood of being infected by something and things get a bit more alarming when sexual behavior between men is being highlighted and emphasized. The numbers talk about the number of reported incidents, which makes sense; ya can’t cite an incident that hasn’t been reported. The numbers speak in terms of percentages, like, there’s a 4% chance of getting something nastier than spunk in your mouth… and it freaks a lot of guys out and keeps their mouths closed… but maybe without twigging to the fact that by that number alone, it also suggests that there’s a 96% of not getting anything nastier than a mouthful of sperm.
The numbers talk about reported incidents of infections via anal sex as well as the percentages involved – and I don’t have those numbers at hand (go look them up) but while there is a higher level of risk versus oral sex, it’s not 100% guaranteed that if you run up in a guy’s butt, you’re gonna get infected. The people slamming the disease card onto the table would have you believe that just knowing a bisexual guarantees you’re gonna catch something and if you think that sound ridiculous, you really need to go read what some folks are saying about this. Women are convinced that if you let a bi guy bone you, yep – infected. Instantly. Irrevocably.
The thing that I find interesting is that guys fret over a lot of this… and don’t give a single thought about the risks involved having sex with women and, yep, that includes the woman you’ve been with for years. It tells me that a lot of guys aren’t aware of the science, which, sure, makes sense because it’s pretty fucking confusing and who among us even bothers to give a single thought about all those juices flowing out of the coochie when you have your face all up in it? We can be so clueless that we’ve narrowed it down to if it smells fishy, have the lamb instead; don’t even look at it, dude.
Except, they maybe don’t know that girlfriend’s stuff could be not in the best possible condition… and even she doesn’t know it; some things that could be wrong with it have no symptoms where something like an UTI or yeast infections can be very obvious to her. Still, dudes don’t know the chemistry of a woman’s body any more than they understand their own unique chemistry; you might be surprised of how many guys don’t know that semen and sperm are actually two different components of male ejaculate… and the danger isn’t in the sperm itself – it’s in the seminal fluid.
Guys… ever be washing your shit and get soap in that slit? Yeah… not a fun thing to feel but that simple irritation could pose a problem having sex. See, it isn’t what you know about any of this that can be problematic – it’s what you don’t know. Shit… most guys have no idea why after they bust a nut, they lose interest and want to take a nap and even feel fairly crappy after doing something that was loads of fun before that nut got busted.
It’s such an unknown thing that some guys actually think there’s something wrong with them. The keys to minimizing the many risks having sex poses is to be more educated. Guys, for instance, talk about not sucking cock because they don’t know if the dick is infected and they can’t tell… and as if there’s no way to tell… but there is. Grab his dick, give it a few tugs and when the pre-cum oozes out, give it a look; if it’s not crystal clear, leave the dick alone; if it oozes out and it has a smell to it – and one that can’t be explained by whatever homey’s been eating and drinking, leave the dick alone – just put it back where you got it.
Look at his dick – and I mean really look at it. Any scrapes, abrasions, signs of scabs or scarring? You might wanna take a pass on it. Gently cup his balls – do you feel any lumps in there that aren’t his actual testicles? A good time to start asking questions and ditto for anything that feels unusual to you when you wrap your hand around his erection.
Most of all, learn to trust your instincts. Some guys just feel… wrong. You can’t point to any one particular thing and once you rule out any apprehension on your part, if he doesn’t feel right to you, don’t have sex with him. He might not infect you with anything but he could cause you a lot of emotional distress.
And buy a case of condoms and with the thought in mind that some people, both men and women, are deathly allergic to them. Could be anything from a very itchy rash to an anaphylactic reaction that can cause anything from hives to respiratory distress – nothing sucks more than needing to breathe and you can’t. If you’re looking for that FWB kind of guy, insist on knowing everything you can about him from anything he’s done and experienced in his past to what he did before he knocked on your door.
And if he’s not willing to divulge such information, just don’t have sex with him even with protection. Sex has always been inherently risky and will always be risky. Be aware of what’s being said about this by folks like the National Institute of Health, the CDC, and other medical professionals but don’t let the numbers scare you a whole lot and more so when, again, the price of a condom can take care of a lot of that stuff.
Protecting your mental health from the risks of sex is another kettle of fish and as I’ve mentioned and that’s a bigger trust issue and in these things, it’s the things you can’t see about a person that’s more potentially risky than that which you can see – just because homey looks good doesn’t mean that he really is as good as he looks and I’m talking about what’s going on in that space between his ears and not what he has dangling between his legs.
Women will tell you: There’s nothing worst than finding out you just gave it up to a total asshole and, again, he wasn’t so much of an asshole while you were talking to him. Even when the sex was off the wall, guys with shitty attitudes during and after sex can leave an even shittier taste behind and one that’s not easily dealt with.
Sometimes, the biggest sex risk is running into the most very wrong guy. If you can’t abstain, be smart about what and who you’re doing or want to do you. It’s assumed that casual sex has the greatest risks involved but relationship sex shares a lot of those same risks – we just tend to think that it doesn’t or it shouldn’t be all that risky.
And keep in mind that not all of the risks involve catching something nasty. It’s a crap shoot and always has been and that even includes handling it all by yourself. It’s all risky.
Just thought y’all might wanna know this because at the end of the day, knowledge is always power; forewarned is always forearmed and all that. You wanna do the nasty? You’re gonna take a risk and it’s really just a question of being willing to take your chances and just like all of the people who are, even at this very moment, doing the nasty in some way.
They’d have you believe that bisexual men are a prime disease vector when the truth is, we all are and sexuality be damned. Why? We’re human and biological creatures; we have more germs and shit running around in us than you can shake a stick at. We accept and know that one’s ass is a filthy environment and for obvious reasons; your mouth is second on that list, you know, in case you really didn’t know that. A lot of those germs and shit that we need to keep us healthy might not be so healthy to someone else and to that end, no one has figured out how to completely sterilize the human body inside and out without killing the person in question.
So we wash, brush, go through gallons of mouthwash; we watch what we eat – sometimes – because diet plays into the risks. We go – or should go – to a doctor for routine checkups to make sure that, on the whole, your body is healthy enough to have sex and if needed, get your mental health checked while you’re at it; did you know that doctors actually give you a test on this when you visit? And it’s as simple as asking you why you’re there to see them and how you answer can tell them about what’s going on in your head.
It sound silly… but it’s a test and one that you could actually fail without knowing you did. Ever wonder why, when you go in for a procedure, they ask you why you’re there even though they’re looking at the paperwork that tells them exactly why you are? It’s a test… and “I don’t really know” is a very bad answer.
Gee, I’m just full of all kinds of good stuff, huh? Minimizing the risks is about being aware and, yeah, being willing to accept them in order to be able to enjoy having sex at all. Ya ain’t gotta take my word for it – start Googling stuff and get your own answers and develop your own POV on this risky but fun thing we call having sex.