Yeah… not trusting the WordPress editor today.
Now, I know a lot of these… changes come from being in the moment aka “the heat of the moment” where whatever is going on inside your head is one huge jumble of stuff that gets pared down to a couple of words: Fuck it!
I’ve uttered those two words to myself… but what made me say them? For me, it’s not enough to know what I might or might not do; that’s easier than understanding why I might or might not do a thing and finding out calls for taking a close look at what, if anything, was going on in my head. Like most people – and if you had asked me way back when – I would have told you I wasn’t thinking about anything… until I realized that I was thinking about a whole lot of shit and, oh, my God… the shit I’d find running around in my head was unbelievable!
Yep… I’d be focused and paying attention to the task at hand… but it was the stuff running around in the background that floored me like, why would I be thinking about taking my car to the car wash just as I started having sex with someone? Or what was on my schedule at work for the next day or the whole week? For the task at hand, what was I gonna do? How was I gonna do it? Do I even really want to do this?
Still sound insane? Yeah, it does but methinks one of the keys about having sex with someone is understanding yourself in these things and, for me, that means digging down to the root of things – all that shit that goes on in my head that, at a high level, I probably shouldn’t be thinking about while understanding that my brain never really shuts down, well, unless I’m on the operating table and anesthetized – but that’s different.
Over the years, I’ve had people ask me, “What were you thinking about?” and, again, I’d say I wasn’t thinking about anything (other than what we were doing) or I’d say, “I dunno – I didn’t know I was thinking about anything!” Only to find out that I was… and, yeah, maybe all that shit running around in my head could have affected what I was doing in some way both in good and not so good ways.
Hmm. If I’m like this, could others be like this and, as such, this unwanted and unstoppable thought processes could also impact how they’re having sex? Yeah… I can “hear” y’all laughing your asses off at me and I’m good with that… except I know that there’s a good chance you know exactly what I’m talking about because you’ve had your mind sometimes screwing shit up for you when you’re naked and getting busy, too.
See, I’m a mentor to one guy and share my knowledge of M2M things with other men; they have questions, I usually have an answer. A guy will ask about wanting to suck a dick and whether or not it’s weird for him to want to suck one as badly as he feels – and why does he want to do this in the first place? I’ve learned that you cannot and should not give someone a half-assed answer, oh, like, “Don’t worry about it – just do it and you’ll be okay!” because they might not be okay, that and a lot of guys – and gals – wind up screwing the pooch in some very bad ways because they don’t know what they don’t know.
I just happen to be the guy who does know… because I think and study the shit that most people don’t give a lot of thought about. Why didn’t he cum even though you did everything you could think of to get him to do that? For that matter, why didn’t she cum? Did he/she not like what I was doing? Do I suck at whatever? A gazillion questions like this come up every day and a lot of them lead to a lot of self-loathing, eroding one’s self-confidence, etc., and they don’t know why.
I do – most of the time – and because I think about that shit and I think about it because it’s important.