Yep… still not trusting this thing and, oh, Larry? Yeah, I forgot to do this in Word but I won’t forget it next time.
People want to believe that bisexuals do whatever they do in a mindless fashion… and that crazy sounding thing I wrote last night says that we’re not as mindless as folks think we are: We do think about what we’re doing and why we’re doing it and even in touch with whatever feelings that are coursing through us – and at any given moment before, during, and after the fact. And, yes – that includes being very much aware of the consequences of our actions.
We just don’t pay that much attention to it. I know this because even though I know there’s more shit than I want to admit to going on in my head that, over all this time, I’ve learned to not pay a whole lot of attention to unless a yellow or red flag pops us.
How you’re feeling and what you might be thinking in any given moment can impact the sex you’re having and not always in a good way. How many of us had have sex with someone when our feelings and thoughts suggested that, um, something like cleaning a messy toilet sounds like a better idea?
Take a peek inside your head – the answer is there. Experiencing some performance issues? Might not be a physical reason… could be one that’s inside your head. If you go down on a girl or guy and they aren’t responding, not having an orgasm, etc., did you do anything wrong… or is the reason inside their head… or even yours? We’re quick to blame ourselves when the sex doesn’t go “right” and even quicker to blame the other person when, and I’ll say usually, the real culprit lives inside your – and their – skulls and is likely to just fuck with you because it can.
We all try to blank out or settle our minds before doing the deed… only to find out that, um, that doesn’t work or last very long. I talk a lot about being in the moment and some folks have a hard time with this… because of what’s going on inside their head, from random shit to being acutely focus on stuff they ain’t gonna do because, hmm, it might make them lose control, become very vulnerable, not their idea of fun and a lot of other shit that makes being in the moment – giving yourself over to it fully – a very damned hard thing to do.
Is it really overthinking to think about whatever you might be thinking and feeling at any given moment in this? Y’all might say it is… but I’m just saying that it might not be and more so if you ever get it into your head that you’re not enjoying sex as much as you think/feel you should and, oh, yeah, it’s the other person’s fault. We further and often sabotage our sexual efforts by having a firm set of expectations in mind and there’s a part of our brains that’s paying very close attention to make sure those expectations are being met and/or exceeded… and that serves to distract us from what’s actually being done (or what we’re doing) and, yeah, ya might not really be aware of the fact that you’re doing this… and sometimes you are.
What am I thinking about just before I go down on someone? You have no idea of how much shit I’m thinking about and feeling in that very precise and specific moment and even when I’m shoving it to the back of my mind so that I can be in that moment… because it’s about being in the moment and I’m just the guy who will tell you that whenever you find yourself not being fully in the moment, ask your brain why it’s not letting you do this.
You might be surprised at what you find out about yourself and, perhaps, those you sexually interact with. Why does a guy/gal feel guilty just before oral sex begins – and despite wanting to do it or get it done? It’s all in your head… you’re not supposed to put your mouth on anyone like that or allow someone else to. Feel dirty, nasty, and horribly filthy having anal sex even though you like it? That’s your brain fucking with you.
Did something you swore on a stack of bibles you’d never do? Ask your brain why you did – it knows.
The bottom most thing is that if you don’t or can’t understand yourself, you might have a difficult time understanding why someone else is the way they are when having sex and especially if it goes “badly” or you get surprised by unexpected actions that your brain is directly responsible for.
That guy who blew and finished me? The first thing he said – when he could speak – was, “Why did I do that? I didn’t want to do that!” And I knew why: Something he was either thinking or feeling said to him, “Yeah… do it!”
Or, “Fuck it…” Why? Because, at some point, your brain just gets overloaded with a lot of shit and shit you might not even be aware of. Why did someone do that? Or why didn’t they do something? Why did you change your mind one way or the other?
Ask your brain. The problem here is that a lot of the shit that really goes on doesn’t have any words you can use to explain it so if asked, you wind up saying, “I don’t know!” or simplifying things down to, “It just feels good” or it didn’t.
Yep – really deep shit that – and get this – we don’t wanna think about.