Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: Putting the Cart First

26 Sep

One of the things I’ve noticed in my observations of other bisexuals is a tendency to put the cart before the horse; they’re spending a lot of time thinking about what to do about their sexuality instead of making themselves as comfortable as they can about being bisexual.

Sure, having the sex and the possibility of relationships are things to give a lot of thought to… but it’s my thought that unless and until you can wrap your head around the complexity of being bisexual, doing that other stuff won’t be all that easy.

I read a blog earlier where a woman was saying that she was concerned with being able to be committed in a relationship when it seemed to me that she wasn’t quite comfortable with being bisexual – well, not comfortable to the point where sex and any other commitments could be easily dealt with.

One of the things I’ve never understood is how someone can discover that they’re bisexual… and there’s this great and powerful urge to do something about it and some find themselves fighting this urge and their idea of common sense is having a hard time keeping the urge at bay. There are, at least in my opinion, putting the cart before the horse; in theory, one should learn to crawl before walking and then get that down pat before trying to run – makes sense, right?

Except, for this analogy, um, according to my mother, I didn’t crawl; one day, I grabbed a table or something, got to my feet and started walking. I don’t remember it but my mom wouldn’t have a reason to lie to me about it and, as such, it’s not really all that unusual that a new bisexual will bypass crawling and go right to running at full speed.

And I don’t know why; I just know it’s a real thing and one that can get someone into trouble if they’re unable to be… settled with their feelings. I’ve heard many a newbie say (paraphrasing), “I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I gotta do something!” – and even without really knowing or understanding what they’re being compelled to do… and, yeah, it’s usually sex but it’s also that need to be with someone who is like you.

It’s why I tell newbies to think first, then act if they must… or if they can. Sometimes the cart gets put before the horse and a newbie finds that they can’t act and, whoa, shouldn’t have acted before really understanding what they were getting themselves into.

Oddly enough, same-sex interactions aren’t really all that different from opposite-sex interactions – it just appears to be different and yet another one of those things that I can’t explain. I’d say it’s pretty “normal” to think that it’s going to be different and in some aspects, it is… but not really. You still go through the “normal” processes of finding someone you can resonate with sexually, emotionally, both or either one. Do you go for the committed relationship with them or do you just wanna scratch your itches? And the really big question: What’s it gonna be like to have sex like this for the first time?

All I’m saying is that before you break out the cart and horse, be sure that you’re hooking them up properly; the horse should pull the cart, not be pushing it. If you can picture this in your mind, you can see that, um, that’s not really gonna work well and getting the proper configuration just might require some additional thought as well as being confident that you can put the horse before the cart instead of the other way.

I understand that part of my “difficulty” with this is due to the fact that I never went through this period; my horse got put in the proper place before the cart and we were off and running and, as such things tend to work out, I got to thinking about it after the fact. For me, this was important; I had actually skipped a step but it didn’t get me all jacked up… but it was still important to be comfortable and even confident that I could do the right things for myself and recognizing that I got lucky.

One should not allow luck to play a role in this because it doesn’t always work out nicely… which is why hitching the horse to the cart properly – and understanding things as best you can – is very damned important before telling the horse to giddy-up and get things rolling.

A lot of newbies spend an awful amount of time thinking about the social implications – what others might say about them and all that… and this is something that is important… but not as important as it is to be able to understand yourself in his. Do you tell other people about this… change you’ve gone through… or do you keep it to yourself? If you get quizzed about this, can you answer their questions? To this end, if confronted with all of this, do you know how to defend yourself?

Before giving the social implications the thought it deserves, ya might wanna make sure that you’ve got yourself in some kind of order so that you will be “ready” to face whatever social implications get between your horse and cart and the path you want to travel.

While one can say, “Let’s just go for it and find out what happens!” eh, that might work… and it might not. Yeah, this is a lot of shit to think about and, yeah, it’s too much for some people to deal with and, yup, it’s really easier to say, “Fuck it!” and do whatever you’re being compelled to do and hope it turns out okay…

But it’s much better to have a plan or two or five in your head about how you’re bisexual, what it means to you and what, if anything, you’re gonna do about it.

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Posted by on 26 September 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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