Every now and then, my protege will ask me if bisexuality is, in fact, more normal than we are led to believe and of all the things bisexual we talk about, this conversation is one of the more deeper ones. He’s one of those guys I say were late to the party; no bisexul leanings or interest in his younger days and while he admits to some early interest, it wasn’t until a few years ago when bisexuality made its introduction to him.
He, like so many others who showed up late to the party, finds himself thinking or, really, rethinking everything he was taught about sex; when we talk about this, we almost always talk about the origins of bisexuality or what conditions prevailed way back then that made choosing to be on both sides of the sexuality spectrum a thing to do. He likes to point out bisexuality in animals – bonobo monkeys are the classic example – which always make me “remind” him that humans are animals, too, that and our higher brain functions lends themselves to the creation of things that wind up being crucial to being human…
Like being able to have sex (or be romantically engaged) with men and women – not men or women.
Where is it written that only women can suck cock? Even today, we believe that this has always been a woman’s “job” to do, not that all women agree with this but it stands to reason – and has been proven long before any of us were born – that if a woman can suck a dick, a man can suck a dick, too. Likewise, do you really believe that eating pussy is and always has been a man’s thing to do?
Of course, we talked about fucking and the train of logic keeps rolling along: If a guy can fuck a woman in the ass – and if she’s down with that – then what’s so different about fucking a man in the ass… other than the person on the receiving end of the high hard one being male? It becomes rather obvious that women aren’t the only ones that can be fucked… they’re just the preferred target in this and I will keep saying this: It’s all about making babies.
We talk about how social programming and conditioning plays into this and more so when, truth be told, we all have the potential to be bisexual; it’s encoded into our genes over centuries of human evolution… but that programming was designed to not allow this potential to come out. You wanna have sex and fall in love? Your focus is and should always be in the opposite sex direction…
Except, it really isn’t and it never was but if you understand any of this – and most people don’t because, eh, that’s ancient history shit – you have to know that there was a reason why these edicts were put in place and why anything that prevented conception was forbidden.
For the most part, we – humans – obey the edicts and go along with the social programming… until something happens that breaks the conditioning or gives us what we think is a damned good reason to buck the system and do those things we’ve been told never to do.
My protege asks a somewhat rhetorical question: Wouldn’t it be better if those restrictions weren’t in place? That our mindset about these things got revised to reflect how we really are – and can be – about these things? He sometimes asks, hypothetically, if the rift between men and women could be closed if bisexuality was more of the norm and more so in relationships; he’s of a mind that if we all were “allowed” to be bisexual, for one, women wouldn’t feel so much pressure – and seriously object – to being the preferred sexual object. He goes on to say that maybe, just maybe, the number of sex-related crimes against women would pretty much go away if men could have sex with each other and in those moments when a woman just ain’t feeling that – and then, women aren’t getting bent out of shape because of it.
He asks, “Is this the way we’re really meant to be?” and it’s a good question. The rules say we’re not… yet, a gazillion people are, in fact and in deed, bisexual. It’s looked at as deviant behavior and I’d suppose it is given the rules as they stand but the reality is that it’s just humans being… human. We often go out of our way to deny it but, um, we love having sex and given our highly evolved brains, we can and will find many ways to have sex and the proof, of course, has been in our faces the whole time.
Some of us limit our sexual things in the preferred opposite sex way; some are wholly same sex… so it also stands to reason that there are people for whom having sex both ways just makes sense. I often “remind” him that if, in our case, men aren’t supposed to have sex with each other, we wouldn’t be able to do it but, yeah, we can, can’t we?
He’ll talk about male bonding and, yep, it’s something we do when we’re not looking at each other as being our competition and “enemies” to be eliminated; he asks that if it were easier to bond by having sex with each other, could it go along way to removing the anymousity with have with each other and, importantly, provide an outlet for our hard-wired need to have sex?
It’s another good question and men do bond in this way and it’s not always with romantic intent – think bro-job if that’ll help you understand this. It’s not that men can’t develop “deep feelings” for each other because we can but in many instances, those feelings are present and something says that sex with the guy you’ve bonded with just makes sense… but things stop short of that…
And sometimes they don’t. He – and many others including myself – are of a mind that if it’s headed that way, let nature run its course. It’s not just an outlet for our lust; sex is also an expression of affection. We know that women develop levels of affection for other women; they kiss, hug, stuff like that but they, too, often stop short of stripping each other naked and really expression their affection…
And sometimes they don’t. And, really, there’s nothing wrong with this even though, forever and ever, the rules say not to do this for any reason. Doesn’t change the fact that a lot of men and women are saying, “Fuck those rules! I need this and if ya don’t like it, fuck you, too!”
Some of us aren’t of a mind to explore bisexuality and that, too, makes sense. Despite what’s being said, it is a choice and I don’t know why people think it isn’t. I understand, if no one else seems to, that while you can’t do much about the way you feel, you can do something about how you act on those feelings – or not – and that is choice. We both hear people saying that they didn’t ask to be bisexual and to have those feelings and, yeah, no one really does – it just happens but now one has to decide – choose – what, if anything, they’re gonna do about their feelings… even if they choose not to do anything.
Is it normal? Well, I’m thinking that it is. It feels… abnormal and only because of the social programming and conditioning we all know about; it’s the source of that guilty feeling one gets when they dive into the pool because the water is really fine… but they were told that it isn’t supposed to be fine.
My protege often has… issues about this and they’re understandable. I’ll ask him, “What’s the difference between a woman sucking your dick and a man doing it?” and, as expected, he has a hard time answering the question and, on the real, most people do. His issue is that he’s thinking about who is sucking away on his dick… and not thinking about the act itself. When you change your focus, there is no difference. Fucking is fucking and, duh, the one and only meaningful difference is that men only have one orifice that can be fucked but, again, the focus is on who and not so much on the act itself.
Yes, indeed, the “hearts, not parts” gang has it partially correct; we do very much take into consideration the person we wanna get naked with and, often, in some incredibly detailed ways… but sometimes, we just wanna get naked with someone because we can get naked with them which, of course, goes completely against the rules and makes each and everyone one of us guilty of the sin of fornication – that’s sex without being married, by the way and, no, merely being engaged doesn’t absolve you of this particular sin.
Yet and still, we do it anyway, don’t we? We need to have sex for a lot of reasons that doesn’t have anything to do with making babies and, yes, indeed, some of us have learned or otherwise discovered that both men and women suit this purpose quite nicely. We love the intimacy of sex, are scared shitless over how vulnerable it can make us but are very much aware of how good it can make us feel and the truth we tend to find unacceptable is that we can, in fact, have sex with anyone, male and female, if that’s how it’s gonna happen.
Because it’s normal and natural for us to have sex even though we do find reasons not have it and if I remember correctly, Sigmund Freud said that the only abnormal sex is not having sex at all.
As I’ve said, this particular conversation gets pretty deep. I learned a long time ago that the key thing to understanding bisexuality is being able to understand sex as it can be rather than how it’s supposed to be.
I know – you’re thinking, “Yeah, but…” and I get it; you’ve been conditioned to think that way and to the point where you actually believe you came to this conclusion on your own – you didn’t and most people get one hell of a shock if they happen to figure this out. Many people say they couldn’t be bisexual when, truthfully, they could be… if they wanted to be… but the conditioning is deeply imbedded and unbreakable.
And it gets broken by those who are bisexual. Not easily but broken just the same. It’s why a lot of bisexuals have… issues while having that sense of being freed or liberated from the restraints that have been instill in us.
Normal? Sure it is. If having sex is considered to be normal – and is falling in love or otherwise having deep feelings of affection for someone, what is it that makes bisexuality “abnormal?” I know why. My protege is finding out why. Right this very moment, some guy or gal is finding out why this is a lot more normal than we’ve been led to believe.
It just doesn’t go by the rules. You have choices (there’s that word again): You can say, “Fuck the rules!” and indulge yourself in the available physical and emotional pleasures… or you can keep playing by the rules and keep believing that becoming bisexual ain’t ever gonna happen to you which, by the way, is also rather normal.
Yet, many people wind up changing their minds; they go from “I couldn’t do that shit!” to “How come I never did this before now?” Some folks, like yours truly, got on the bandwagon early and never got off of it and some folks are like my protege – they’re late to the party and he – and so many others – kinda say it’s better late than not at all.
If nothing else, bisexuality teaches you something about being human and it’s the same lesson homosexuals learned as well. Not supposed to be like that… really is like that.
Normal. Not really as abnormal as we’ve been led to believe. As always in this, you don’t have to believe me but the truth is still out there. I know the truth and, clearly, I’m not the only one who knows it; just a matter if one can handle the truth, huh? Another truth is that many people do accept that there be bisexuals among us – it just really makes sense that this is true but, bleh, it’s not for them.
And yet another truth is that it isn’t for everyone and as evidenced by the many people who gave it a try at some point in their life and, nah, didn’t work for them so much. Being me, I question why it didn’t and I think I know why… but this scribble has gotten long enough as it is and as fellow blogger Larry pointed out to me (yeah, I bet you thought I forgot that, huh?). But this stuff must be brought into the light and I’m just the bi guy to do it since no one else seems to want to get into the guts of this.
At first, I thought, in our most recent conversation about this, that my protege had some major concerns about this but he let me know that even after all he’s experienced, it just amazes him how normal this feels to him and that there are so many men and women who embrace bisexuality and, often, easily so (comparatively speaking, of course).
And I get it. To me, being bisexual is as normal and natural as breathing and to the point where I really don’t think about it – I yam what I yam (thanks, Popeye!). Other bisexuals eventually get to this point as well and they do, indeed, feel quite normal whether they’re having their way with a man or a woman (and sometimes both if they’re lucky like that).
Society, as a whole, needs to accept the normalcy of it all and, perhaps, abolish the restrictions that are in place. Maybe they realize this just as they are seeing that a slew of people are choosing to ignore all of the restrictions that have been placed on us and just doing their thing as needed. For them, it’s a loss of control and a method of control that used to serve them well…
But not any more. It doesn’t signal an end to morality so much as it is people finally finding out that some of those rules are pure bullshit and, in fact, gets in the way of our God-given right to self-determination and if we’re gonna burn in hell, hmm, we hope we can get our hands on some SPF 10,000,000 protection or plenty of burn cream.
Because at the end of any day, we all have to do what we have to do. If sucking another guy’s cock or eating another woman’s coochie – and being able to indulge in both things – is the thing we are “compelled” to do or, really, just works to serve the purpose – then that’s what we’re gonna do and fuck the rules and more so when those same rules are the reason why bisexuality is deemed to be abnormal and deviant behavior.
For men, in particular, if lying down and subjecting yourself to another man’s lust by being screwed is what makes you feel whole and complete as a person, well, be safe and use plenty of lube.
Normal? Yeah, it is even if you don’t think it is or should be and the proof, if you’re willing to accept it, is that there are a lot of bisexuals – we are legion. It’s even being hinted at that bisexuals outnumber heteosexuals and homosexuals combined – the problem, of course, is trying to identify who’s bisexual and who isn’t and the even bigger problem: Some folks weren’t bisexual yesterday… but they are today… and they never had a clue that they would or could be.
And sometimes they do have a clue; just a matter of girding one’s loins and doing what they’ve always known they wanted and needed to do… and, yup, fuck the rules. Even more, there are bisexuals who don’t have the sex – and just how to you put a number to these people?
Now it’s just really and always a question of whether or not society can accept just how normal biesexuality really is.