True enough, there’s a first time for everything and, duh, bisexuality is included in those first time moments.
There’s a… disconnect? Not sure that’s the right word for what I’m thinking; could be “gap” or some similar word but today, on the forum and reading one of the recurring themes, it becomes obvious that there are guys who discover bisexuality right out of the gate and those guys who are late to the party and by late I mean they don’t discover this until they’re like in their mid-thirties. Some stats I once read hinted that guys experiment with homosexuality between the ages of 16 and 25 and I’m not sure how they’re figuring that out but, nah, not even close.
Maybe they figure that the onset of puberty is the deal here – not sure and kinda not relevant given what I know but I had to mention it. Anyway…
That recurring thread is about one’s first time experiencing dick and, often, their initial reactions. And while the stories are quite interesting – from an observer’s point of view – there’s always great interest about someone’s first time: It’s kinda like a validation to know that not only did a guy have a first time, other guys did as well and more so when you see enough first-time stories and you can detect a pattern or two and close enough where your own first time isn’t as unique as it appeared to be.
One question that the late attenders ask themselves is why did I wait so long before doing this? The early adopters tend not to ask that question since being on the ground floor means one didn’t have to wait very long. So there’s a bond that can be shared between those guys who were first in the pool… and a different bond for those guys who showed up after the pool got crowded.
There are guys who are returning to the party after a lengthy absence; those are the guys who “experimented” early on, dropped out, but found their way back. The curious thing about these guys is that they tend to discount or even disavow anything they did before becoming and adult and I’ve tried to make sense of this behavior for a very long time.
It’s like that difference between having a juvenile police record and an adult one; you know you did stuff that got the cops’ attention in your youth but the law puts a clear line between what you did when young and what you do as an adult and, well, some returning guys treat their return in the same kind of way.
It’s funny in that every guy who gets started in this has that feeling that they’re the only one who has stumbled into this, a feeling I also know well but the part that’s funny is that if you were running around doing this with other boys, um, obviously, you’re not the only one who knows about this and I like to say, with a high degree of certainty, that there aren’t too many grown men who doesn’t know that guys have sex with guys…
It’s just strangely different when you’re the guy and now you have this… need to know if there are other guys who got started in similar – and even different – ways.
Sometimes, you see more experienced guys giving the not-so-experienced guys da bizness for being naive about this and I think this happens because they’ve “forgotten” their own first time and if I were a new guy, I’d be some kind of annoyed having this attitude laid on me; it’s like how people who have a job give those who can’t find a job da bizness and like it’s so easy to just go out and find a job these days.
What’s the deal with women and their first time in this? I dunno; even the bisexual women I know don’t really talk about it a whole lot if at all. They’re like it happened, they liked it, didn’t like it, changed back to liking it and why are you asking me about something I don’t have a reason to talk about?
I know they do talk about it… with other women; you’d just have to search high and low to find the places they “hang out” and talk to each other about it.
For some, reading a guy’s first experience can go a long way to mitigating any trauma one may have experienced; they can find some “comfort” in knowing that they weren’t the only one to have less than a wonderful beginning but I think the most important thing about reading these stories is that guys are opening up and talking about them – period – and this serves to create a bond between all bisexual guys while making it obvious that we’re the same… and different… and it’s all good.
One guy wrote, in an earlier incarnation of the “first time” post, that once he shared his story with the membership, it took a lot of pressure off of his mind and this, in particular, speaks to something I learned: The worst thing about being bisexual is having no one you can talk to about being bisexual.
In these stories, it’s not so much about what happened – although, um, some guys tell some pretty hot stories – but it also serves to teach the guys who are sitting on the bench some stuff. In the comments on some stories, guys are keen to know if they initially liked what they did, didn’t like it, were scared silly or totally and completely fearless and more than eager as well as eager but understandably leery.
Did you know what you were doing that first time? A lot of guys say they didn’t know anything about sex and that, all by itself, isn’t unusual but those same guys are amazed at how quickly they got schooled and, indeed, it is incredibly amazing how that works. They went, in a matter of seconds or minutes, not knowing anything about it to instinctively knowing which, I think, lends itself to my thought that evolution has programmed this behavior in all of us – then it’s just a matter of whether or not that gets activated or not.
That’s for some other time.
Like, I read how some guy’s first time came via cock sucking; they share that they didn’t know what the deal was but when the dick met mouth, they just knew what to do, that or, in their words, they figured it out pretty damned quickly. So, yeah, there’s always great interest in how a guy reacted to being blown that first time or doing the blowing, just as there is for that first time being screwed.
It all establishes that commonality, creates a bond and, again, let’s them know that while they are, indeed, unique and different, eh, not really and more so because everyone has a first time – now it’s all in the details. You learn that age doesn’t matter in this – there are guys my age who are just now discovering bisexuality; you learn that things like race, creed, where you live in the world and other such stuff doesn’t matter. From the big cities to the smallest townships; rich, poor, somewhere in the middle – doesn’t matter.
Some differences that are of interest and I’ll start with one of my infamous back in the day observations (yeah, ya knew it was coming): Back then, we did it all until we settled into that which we liked and avoided, whenever possible that which we didn’t care for so much but the key thing here is that you tried it all on for size.
Today, guys are coming out of the gate knowing exactly how they want to make an entrance and, for those still riding the pine, they’ve carefully crafted what their first time should be like. I’m not saying they’re wrong in this but, yeah, it’s probably not the “smartest” thing they could do since, more often than not, that first time isn’t going to go as imagined or even be close enough for government work. A lot of guys get totally and completely disillusioned behind this kind of thinking…
But when you can read of a guy who had his first time “dreams” shattered, yeah, you’re not alone in that aspect and one can learn a lot about this by reading how the other guy recovered from this ‘shattering’… and, yeah, how they are still kinda/sorta struggling with the reality of things.
And reading such things can take a lot of weight off of a guy, whether he’s an old hand at this or someone just arriving to the party and that, to me, is the real benefit given that, for some, this bisexual thing is very damned confusing and complicated. It doesn’t matter if one’s first time was… yucky or not; you had one, you shared it with others and by doing so, took your place among the brotherhood of bisexual men.