I got to thinking about a discussion on the forum I saw yesterday about glory holes – is there anyone who needs this explained to them? If so, let me know – I really don’t want to get into it with this writing because I want to write this before it escapes my mind and vanishes to wherever lost thoughts go.
Responses to the OP were, as usual, varied; some guys were hyped about them, some guys were feeling some kind of way because, I guess, there were no such things where they live and, to be expected, there was that one guy who stated – and I’m paraphrasing here – that he’d never do it because it’s a guarantee that you’re gonna catch something nasty and ya might not get rid of it.
This is how those unfounded rumors get started and rumors that tend to scare the shit out of guys who are already scared shitless about being bisexual and in need of some dick. When I read the guy’s comment, oh, man, I started to read him the riot act about what he said because, no, it’s not guaranteed by any stretch of the imagination and such sentiments implies a degree of malicious behavior, like, some guy has an STD, he knows he has one, and he’s deliberately infecting other men and those he infects are none the wiser.
Not saying that shit like this doesn’t happen because, sadly, it does… which is why there are severe penalties in place in the various cities, municipalities, and states that make not disclosing stuff like this a crime and, in some states, not telling someone that you’re HIV+ or that you have AIDS – and having unprotected sex with them – will get you charged with attempted murder faster than you can say, “I’m cumming!”
That anyone can catch something nasty via sex has always been a risk to us all and some guys really do believe that if you just had that one guy to have sex with, that makes you safer… and it’s an illusion at best because, um, do you really know where his cock has been when you haven’t been playing with it? A lot of guys – and maybe gals – are sitting on the bench because they’re worried about catching some nasty shit and giving it to their partner but, in their heterosexual persona, sure, they’ll have sex with their partner without giving any thought to the fact that they’re still exposing themselves and their partners to risks that we’ve never been able to just make go away and stay away.
And I don’t know why they don’t understand this nor do I understand why, in this day and age, they still think that the safest sex is still relationship sex. Now, it’s one thing to say that given the higher risk borne out of not really knowing the guy on the other side of the glory hole isn’t worth taking… but to just assume or declare that if you do this, you’re guaranteed to catch something is just so totally fucked up that it isn’t funny… and that there’s a bisexual man telling other bisexual men this flawed line of thinking just amazes me.
I’ll tell anyone that, sure, if you’re not careful, you could expose yourself to something; I remind the guys on the forum that, duh, that’s what condoms are for; they’re just not for preventing pregnancies. I sometimes give them a science lesson about pussies that they might not be aware of because it just cracks me up – and not always in a good way – to see guys ranting and raving against sucking dick… but they’ll plunge their face between a woman’s legs and not give much thought about the chemistry that’s going on down and in there and, yup, stick their cock in there uncovered, too.
This ain’t me saying anything bad about women so put the knives away, okay? I’m just talking about an aspect that I know about, a woman’s GYN knows about… most guys are totally clueless about, that and they’re more than willing to accept the risks getting some pussy… but are scared to death to even touch another guy’s dick, let alone do anything else with it.
One guy, in response to that guy who made that “guarantee” said that he was thinking about checking out a glory hole but after reading what that guy wrote, nah, not any more. The thing here is that sometimes we say shit like this to express our own point of view… and without thinking about how that might affect someone else. Another thing is that you’re not going to, on the one hand, encourage guys to act on their sexual desires then tell them that if they do, they’re gonna be screwed for the rest of their lives in the same breathe.
Is it risky? Yes – because all sex is risky and that includes getting yourself off and even if you don’t think it’s all that risky. Does finding that one person – and not engaging in loads of casual sex – make you safer? We think so but again I ask: Do you know where his dick has been when it’s not with you? Um, nope. Do you really believe that promises of exclusivity are always going to be upheld? Two guys might agree not to see or sleep with other men but, um, aren’t those two guys still having sex with women?
Yeah, some guys aren’t but that’s not the whole point of this. So what makes you really believe that exclusivity, such as it’s supposed to be, is going to make you safer in this because, again and again, you have zero idea where your FWB’s dick has been or what he’s been doing with it in between play dates. At one point in the dynamic, it became prudent to get anyone you wanted to have sex with to prove their continued good health by producing lab results, which is fine but, um, if, say, one didn’t have insurance or insurance that was good enough, do you know how much lab work costs?
My routine lab work costs over $3,500 every time I go have it done. But, wait – there are places that’ll test you for free, right? And with funding cuts, those places are dwindling and those that still exist are usually so crowded that you might show up every day to get tested… and not get tested. Then there’s this: You get tested and the lab report says you’re clean… but that was at the time you were tested so if a guy showed you a report from, say, two months ago, what does it really mean?
Not a whole lot when you get right down to it but again, this is something a lot of people don’t think about so, at best, a lot of guys (and maybe even gals) are left to take the other person’s word that there’s nothing wrong with them… as far as they know. Sure, you hear horror stories of people who know they’re infected with someone and running around like modern day Typhoid Mary’s and, no, I can’t imagine what could possibly be going on inside their heads that they’d do some shit like that.
Chlamydia is a common STD and one that has few symptoms and especially in women and one, duh, that can be passed on to men… who may or may not have symptoms. HIV/AIDS has a known incubation period – all STDs have a known incubation period that can be as short as days… or as long as years and, oh, yeah, some folks have immune systems so robust that even if they got something bad, it just never shows up except in some very expensive blood work and a specific and detailed hunt for it.
Point is that unless you’re privy to someone’s full health records – that HIPAA thing – any time you have sex with someone, you’re taking a risk and now it’s a matter of whether or not you’re wiling to accept the risk potential to get your rocks off, show someone else your lust, desire, and affection for them.
Does this sound all doomy and gloomy? I hope it does… because it should and more so when men, more than women, aren’t always of a mind to go visit a doctor and even if they do, uh, they sure as hell aren’t going to tell their doctor that they’ve been having sex with men… and that’s the first mistake and, I dunno, I guess that guys are just hardheaded like that or assume that if they tell their doctor, said doctor is going to tell the whole world that they have this patient who is bisexual… and like doctors look forward to being sued behind such an unethical thing to do.
What’s the answer to this? Common sense or your version of it. In a lot of situations, trust your what your instincts might be telling you. I tell guys that they need to learn what to look for when a guy presents his dick to them and that anything they see or even smell that gives them doubts, leave the dick alone. Insist on and use condoms for everything and that includes jerking the other guy off.
Yeah, I get it; those things can be a problem all by themselves, can’t they, and most of the time, it’s because you don’t have one when you need one and especially in those more spontaneous moments and, yeah, they happen with FWBs, too… but there’s nothing more embarrassing than to stick your hand in your pocket for something and out pops your condom of choice… and right in front of a bunch of people, huh? Guys used to carry them in their wallets and I don’t know about other guys, but things that go in my wallet tend not to fare well and, yup, nothing’s quite as embarrassing as to pull your wallet out and there’s that tell-tale imprint of a condom pressed into that leather wallet you love so much… even if there’s no condom in there because you had to get rid of it because it got destroyed being in your wallet.
Sigh. You want bisexuals to be aware of the risks. Sure, with each and every one of us, there are somethings we just will not do for any reason… but just because you believe that if you’re sitting somewhere there’s a glory hole and a dick slides through the hole and if you touch it, you’re gonna get instantly infected with all kinds of shit doesn’t mean you should go out of your way to impose your fears on someone else.
Common sense seems to indicate that if such things make you leery and has you pissing your pants, um, don’t do it – how difficult is that? To other men, sure, you can say, “Well, I wouldn’t do that…” and that’s fine but to tell guys that they’re guaranteed to catch something?
I can’t even think of the right word at this moment. There are more guys that can be counted who have been “sinfully” active in this and have never, ever, caught anything nasty – so far, anyway – and you have to wonder how these guys managed to not be under that guarantee… and because such guys are smarter about what they do and if they’re willing to accept the risks, they have a plan of action should the unthinkable happen.
At the end of any day, the real secret to safe sex is to not have sex at all… and that still doesn’t mean that you couldn’t wind up contracting HIV, does it, since there are multiple vectors involved. So if that little voice in your head says, “Hey… maybe we shouldn’t do this…” the best thing to do is to listen to what that voice is saying and just say no.
But don’t get on your soapbox and start telling guys that if they do something “shady” like indulge in a casual sex thing like a glory hole that they’re guaranteed to catch something other than a mouthful of spunk… because you don’t know that for a fact. Possible? Sure. Inevitable or guaranteed? Not so much. Indeed, one of the reasons why a lot of bi guys are against casual sex is because they’ve been made to believe that if they do it like that, they will catch something nasty… but, again, they also believe that relationship sex is safer… and it might not be, not because of what you know… but because of what you don’t know.
And, sometimes, it’s what you don’t know about yourself as well and, nope, I’m not gonna gross you out any further by launching into a description of what processes are going on in our crotches because we wear pants and even the type of underwear we wear – if we wear them at all… and that’s not always a good thing, either.
Is it risky? Sure is but it’s always been risky. If you’re not willing to accept the risks, fine – but don’t impose your fears on everyone else. Like I said, I’ll tell anyone that, yes, there are risks but I’m not ever going to impose any fears I may harbor on anyone else – and I don’t think anyone should and more so when they may not really know what they’re talking about and they’re just giving voice to those things that scare the bejeezus out of them.