I was looking at my Dashboard while wondering if I had a TBT for today when I saw the entry for “Is It Normal?” and I thought – once the coffee had finally hit my brain, “If people were allowed to be bisexuals, would it be easier to be bisexual?”
Sure, the social pressures would be gone (except in those who just refuse to change) and while no one would be giving you high fives for being bi, they’d no longer be asking crazy questions like, “Are you sure you ain’t really gay?” and, maybe, just maybe, a guy or a gal could wake up one morning, look at their partner and say, “Honey, I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual…” and their partner will say, “That’s great! That opens up a whole new avenue of things for us to enjoy together because I’m bisexual, too!”
Yeah, right; probably not so realistic but that’s the kind of pressure that could be relieved if bisexuality was more socially and morally allowable than it is at this very moment… still begs the question of whether or not it would be easier to be bisexual.
I’m not sure it would be. While staring at my Dashboard – and while this scribble was forming atop that layer of caffeine – I saw a couple of likes from my comment to The Acquiescent Soul’s post about Coming Out Day and sure enough guys like him would greatly benefit from being able to tell anyone he cares to that he’s bi since it would remove a pressure point from his mind and, indeed, there are bisexuals everywhere in the world who could benefit being able to do this without recrimination, retaliation, or otherwise getting their heads handed to them and their lives shattered due to uncaring rejection.
My brain asked, “Yeah, that would be nice… but would it make it easier for those who wanna do the nasty to, uh, ah, do the nasty like that?”
I responded, “I don’t know; just because you can do a thing doesn’t mean you’re really gonna be able to do it, right? Plus, if you look at how some guys behave about this aspect, shit, many are already making it impossible for them to do whatever they wanna do… so it almost stands to reason that if there was more acceptance and permission given, would anything in this regard really change?”
My brain – after commanding my hand to pick up my cup of coffee again – said, “Yeah… you have a point there since, you know, it’s still gonna be people being funny about having sex.”
There are moments like this when I look at everything I know, see patterns unfolding in my knowledge and… nothing. The part of my brain not fiending for more coffee is doing its usual “if, then, else” thing and looking at as many possibilities it can see and while it can almost easily see a day coming where being bisexual will be treated better, better acceptance doesn’t necessarily equate to freer sex, you know, for those who very much want to indulge.
You’d still have to positively identify someone who has gotten your attention this way and you still have to convince them that it would be good for one and all to get the dicks out and put them to use… but when I see a bi guy on the forum asking the membership if getting with a guy who only has a six-inch dick will be radically different than getting with a guy with a whopping eight thick inches, yeah, I don’t see such thinking lending itself to much in the way of things being easier.
There are guys who are free and clear to indulge themselves… and not indulging themselves and I’m not sure that removal of the social angst against bisexuals would work toward getting them off the bench and into the game and as they say they want to be since the chances of running into one’s visions of Mr. Right are slim, that and a lot of guys, strangely, are not of a mind to do any of the work required that would get them the dick they crave.
“What would it take?” my brain asked.
“I think we’d need to change our perceptions about sex,” I said, taking another sip of coffee and as my fingers started typing this. “I think there’d have to be some way to change focus from that which is preferred to that which can be done… and with anyone who’s willing to do something – does that sound just about right?”
“It does make some sense,” my brain said after a moment to, um, let more caffeine soak in. “Now the question is – and I’ll admit that it’s highly rhetorical – is how likely is that to happen at some point in this dynamic and as it currently stands?”
“Not very,” I admitted. “It’s too… personal in that respect, a set of conditions created from faulty information at best, I think.”
“What do you mean?” my mind asked, raising a Mr. Spock-like eyebrow and, yeah, it’s kinda silly because it’s not like that part of my brain doesn’t know why I’d say this but this is my blog, I need more coffee, and I’m having fun with this.
“Well, recall, if you will, some of the stuff we saw yesterday while cleaning out the spam in Tumblr,” I reminded myself. “You gotta admit that based on a lot of information we’ve been gathering, the guys depicted in pictures and clips are meant to represent the ideal sexual partner and the preferences of a lot of guys play right into this, from being numbingly handsome to having really big dicks, nice tight buns, and their six-pack has a six-pack.”
“Yes, but we see this every day, don’t we? We don’t discount that other men are seeing this and postulate that these are the images they’re basing their preferences on and more so for those who are without actual experience,” my brain said as it nodded – whether it was really agreeing with me or nodding because of yet another sip of coffee is debatable.
“I know, which is why I think that we need to take a different approach to sex and be willing and able to not only do what we prefer to do but be very aware and just as willing to entertain that which is possible,” I said while nodding in agreement. “I also think that by creating the schism between being a top and a bottom, that isn’t exactly conducive to a more open mindset about sex in general; too many guys believe that they can’t do something that they’ve never tried to do and it’s more of a “preference” than it is admitting that they don’t know how to do something or, at the least, have reason to believe that they can’t… or shouldn’t.”
“You’re aware that some of this shit just ain’t for everyone,” my brain reminded me.
“I am aware, yes… but if you don’t try it, how do you really know something isn’t your cup of tea?” I countered – gee, I love having these conversations with myself.
“Excellent point and it does speak to the main topic of what your fingers are doing – acceptance and even permission doesn’t really make a lot of this any easier, does it?” my brain said with a sigh.
“No… I still don’t think so although I do sense that there will be many who will make it their business to make this aspect easier on themselves,” I replied and with a sigh of my own. “It’s just not happening fast enough for a lot of bisexuals to begin being happy with themselves and in every aspect.”
“True that…” my brain said. “Bisexuals could come out in droves and in unbelievable numbers… but would it really change anything?”
“I don’t know; one can hope that it would,” I said. “It’s starting to look like this is a difference which makes no difference, isn’t it?”
“The two disparate things do not seem to go hand in hand, no…,” my brain admitted.
I kinda hate these moments because they tend to rain on my parade where bisexuality is concerned. No, it’s not my “job” to paint bisexuality in positive ways and at every turn but I’m human and to the point where I see so many men and women struggling with this because it’s “unacceptable” and “immoral” behavior at many social levels and while many bisexuals just don’t give a fuck about what society has to say about this, there are many who do give a fuck. It’s not really an exercise in “what if” as it is me wondering that if acceptance and permission miraculously appeared tomorrow, would it make being bisexual any easier than it is right this very moment?
My protege and I discuss this a lot and we both agree that as far as removing some major pressure points, yep, that would be a damned good thing; it would make coming out a lot less traumatic than it is right now and many bisexuals would just feel better about themselves not having to carry the heavy weight of their “secret” around. So, yes, easier in that aspect… but not so much in others and more so when some of the current angst, at least to me, appears to want to make the sex not so much of a thing to be considered – that would be the “hearts, not parts” gang and a gang who, I think, doesn’t understand or want to understand that sex is and always has been about putting the parts together and that, nope, engaging one’s heart isn’t always doable, desired, or required.
Remember the guy I mentioned who asked about doing it with a guy with only six inches? When I responded to him, I asked him if it should make a difference or not as well as the thing he should probably be paying more attention to. While some guys responded in a similar fashion, there were a lot of guys who, just like with the risk thing I wrote about yesterday, were “imposing their will” on the OP by saying that if he wasn’t going to go after the biggest dicks, anything else is a waste of time and effort and that he should leave the guy with the small cock alone.
What really got me about this particular thread is that one guy asked him if he was a size queen… and the OP had to have that explained to him… and now you might begin to understand why I’m of a mind that acceptance and permission might not make this easier. On the real, is there a difference between being boned by a big dick and a smaller one? Sure there is… but does it really matter as long as you’re being boned and having fun at the same time? I don’t think it does… but many think that it does matter and none of this aspect will be easier because none of us are really on the same page about this thing in particular.
My thought is that if you wanna know how different it might be to you, um, let the guy with six inches bring whatever skills he has to you and find out instead of asking a question you’re not going to get a definitive answer to… because there is no definitive answer. You’re either gonna find it different and not so much to your liking… or you’re gonna realize that it really doesn’t make a difference and to that end, acceptance and permission just isn’t going to lend itself toward ease of doing.
I hate mind-days like this but, yeah, it was on my mind so I wrote it… and there’s no more coffee in my cup, damn it. I wrote this because, just to satisfy my own curiosities about this, um, where is all of this going, that and guys ask me questions like this and questions that should be answered and as best as they can be. My protege asks, “Wouldn’t things be better?”
And I say that, in theory, yeah – they would be… but. I know – I just did that “Yeah, but…” thing to myself even though my “but” is… I don’t know if they really would be; bisexuality would probably be the greatest thing since sliced bread if people weren’t involved but since they are, the outcome is in question and there are no easy answers.