Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: That Ball of Confusion

15 Oct

Do you know the song by The Temptations? It came out during a time in our history when Vietnam, a war we should have never been involved in, had gotten on everyone’s last good nerve; it was funky, hard-hitting with its lyrics and not a bad song to dance to and one of many songs written and performed by artists in the 1970s who used their talents to not just entertain but to send pointed messages to our government to let them know how much they were fucking shit up… and we weren’t hearing any of it any longer.

And the band played on…

When someone discovers bisexuality in themselves, they’re often very confused by the dual assault on their feelings and sensibilities and it’s been a pretty consistent thing and for as long as I can remember. Right off the bat, people from my generation found themselves very confused because bisexuality wasn’t that well-known or even talked about with any degree of seriousness, that and it was way too easy to confuse bisexuality with homosexuality which few wanted to be associated with.

Followed by the fact that the weight of the moral majority and the insistence that despite some obvious changes in things that has been taking place in a “subculture” kind of way, most notably, “Flower Power” and the Sexual Revolution and in a time when people were saying, “Make love, not war!” and meant it literally, any deviation from the “rules of engagement” when it came to love, sex, and relationships were not to be allowed.

So a lot of us grew up knowing for a fact that if you were a boy, your only interest should be in girls and vice-versa and while that may have been all well and good, many people were finding that, nope, that wasn’t what was going on with them. They were pretty sure they weren’t gay… but didn’t know what they were based on their feelings.

“If I’m only supposed to feel this way toward girls/boys, why am I feeling what I’m feeling?”

Well, um, because the rules says you’re not supposed to… but I wondered why the rule existed in the first place; it didn’t make sense to me to be feeling in ways that I wasn’t supposed to until “kid logic” suggested that it wasn’t my feelings that didn’t make sense: It was the rule that didn’t.

Later in life, I figured out that the rule was put in place because those who crafted it knew what our sexual potential was and wanted to nip it in the bud and squash it. Most rules are enacted not to prohibit future behaviors… but to control existing ones.

So here I was, a bisexual kid, born in the 1950s and one who had figured out this ball of confusion… and one that, sixty some odd years later, still exists despite the wealth of information that has been compiled and being distributed via the Internet. Okay, not really the most reliable source of information but mixed in with the junk info, there’s the truth of this.

The gist of this is you’re confused because you’ve been given conflicting information; there’s what we’ve all been taught about this and then there’s what’s really been going on the whole time. Note that it’s not said that you can’t feel something for both men and women – it’s said that your focus should be opposite sex only so if you looked at men and women and both returned similar feelings, ignore them and go in the opposite sex direction but, okay, if ya went in the same sex direction, well, we have a special section of hell for you misguided perverts.

If one could be high confused to discover they were homosexual, perhaps you can imagine the incredible clusterfuck that goes on in someone’s mind to find out, after beating their heads against a few walls, that they’re both heterosexual and homosexual and the varying degrees notwithstanding at this point.

Yeah… pretty fucking confusing, wouldn’t you say? Get this: Bisexuality, as a subject matter, can make sense to people but it only really and seriously hits home when you’re the bisexual, whether you really “knew” it all along or it really did sneak up on you and grab you by the crotch and by way of introduction.

“Hey there! I’m about to expose you to something that’s really gonna blow your mind so I hope you’re sitting down… not that it’s gonna matter or help you one bit – but you’ll see soon enough!”

And, yeah, it hits those people the hardest who are of a mind that they could never, ever be anything but heterosexual. In an early conversation I had with my protege, he had asked why so many people were so highly upset over this bisexuality thing and my answer was, “Because bisexuality takes everything you thought you knew about love, sex, and relationships and just trashes it. A lot of apple carts got upset (to put it mildly and blandly) to discover that homosexuality was really a thing… and now, all in “one fell swoop,” the world is finding out that there is something between being straight and gay.”

Despite what the famous – or infamous – Kinsey Report said about this, we kinda/sorta settled into thinking that, infamously, you were either straight or you were gay… then found out that we were still pretty much believing a lie. No gray area, just black and white only.

But the confusion persisted due to a lack of credible information although, through my own research, I learned what happens when we fail to learn from history given the number of historic figures who were bisexual and some surprisingly so. Not really talking about notable figures in the here and now – I’m talking about way back in time, two hundred years or more but, sure, go Google “famous bisexuals in history” and see for yourself that bisexuality was alive and well…

Just not something taken seriously or paid much attention to and, I’d suppose, that make a kind of sense given how rabid we were about eradicating homosexuality from the human gestalt and condition which, I’ll remind you, didn’t work as expected so it kinda makes you wonder why we continue to think that bisexuality will be – or even should be – eradicated.

Didn’t work the first time, ain’t gonna work this time, either.

Today, there’s all kinds of stuff about bisexuality but none of it that I’ve seen speaks to that moment of confusion most new bisexuals feel nor does any of the more, let’s say, credible stuff explains why the feeling of confusion tends to persist even though one can have bisexuality explained to them… and it’s my thought that it persists because there’s a part of our mind that just won’t let go of the conditioning it received to first and foremost be heterosexual. Then you pile on all the biphobia stuff and, well, that ain’t helping matters any because what you know still isn’t matching up to what’s really going on with you.

I don’t think those early rule makers could even think about how, in the unforeseen future, this edict would, could, and continues to cause a great deal of confusion in people. Their motive was prevention and suppression and while they succeeded in this to a large degree, the confusion was a “side effect” no one could have possibly seen coming and even if they did see it on the horizon, it must have had them laughing their asses off to think that, way down the road, this whole thing would confuse people so much that it just might get them to stop thinking about it and act like they were told to.

Eh, not so much, it seems. Not that everyone embraces their feelings of bisexuality but I also think that an unexpected consequence of the rule making action was to make people question the rules because, again, what we were told and made to believe just ain’t matching up to what has been going on all this time and overshadowed by homosexuality.

“I’m confused.” I’ve heard and/or have seen this so many times it isn’t funny and the reason for the confusion is actually pretty easy to explain… but not so easy to accept because, again, everything you thought you knew, everything that you believed, was just proven to be incorrect at the least, an outright lie at the worst. The confusion is pretty horrific; it’s part intelligence, part emotional and even when you can intelligently wrap your head around what you’re feeling, emotionally, it’s the clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks – it’s the thing that makes people ask themselves why this happened to them, makes them say that they didn’t ask for these powerful and confusing feelings and, yeah, sometimes and in some people, it can almost literally shut their brain down and force a reboot which, as such things tend to go, may or may not work and more so if the original fault producing cause isn’t dealt with.

But how do you deal with the cause of the fault when it’s the morality we live by that’s causing your brain to keep rebooting? It’s why the next and usual question from someone confused by this is, “What the fuck am I supposed to do about this?” And the answer isn’t always as forthcoming since, um, no one was ever taught to deal with such an internal conflict although, yeah, sure, the “typical” response to this is sexual – and emotional; I don’t want anyone to forget this aspect.

In an earlier writing along these lines, I opined about those folks who believed that the world was flat… and how it fucked with their heads when it was proven that, nope, it’s not flat – it’s mostly round but the reason you thought and believed it was flat was because ships, in particular, always seemed to disappear once they crossed the horizon.

Even in this, it took a whole lot of time and quite a few inhumane reactions for humans to get their head around the fact that the world wasn’t flat and quite contrary to that which they had always believed.

Bisexuality is like that. Even today, when we’ve kind recovered from the initial shock of bisexuality being a real thing (which still gives me a bad case of the giggles), we are going out of our way to say that it isn’t and shouldn’t be and the harder we try to poke holes in it, the more we’re seeing that it’s fairly poke-proof but we do give it the good old college try just the same. Why?

Because, once again, everything we thought we knew about love, sex, and relationships has been turned on its head; we’ve been hit with the truth and in true human fashion, eh, we’re not handling it very well.

“Am I ever going to stop being confused by this?”

Sure you will… the moment you stop believing in something that obviously isn’t true. Ya don’t have to do anything about it if you can’t or don’t want to but the truth is bisexuality has always been a real thing and it can happen to anyone at any time, with or without “warning” and is something that can be entered into purposely as well as “accidentally.”

The rules don’t just disappear; even as I sit and type this, I can “feel” them circulating around in my head because, sure, I know what they are just like mostly everyone does… I just don’t buy into them because I know they’re flawed. I’m male and a man (for all you gender folks) and I know for a fact that my interests should only be in women… just like I know for a fact that they aren’t. What I know just doesn’t match the reality I’ve experienced and while there may have been a time when I was similarly confused – “How can something that feels so good be so bad?” – I stopped being confused once I figured out why I was confused in the first place.

Which is why I spend as much time as I do writing about this so that others will know that there’s a reason why they feel confused and that reason is conflicting information. Now it becomes a matter of whether or not someone wallowing in this confusion can “reprogram” their mind to accept the truth and stop believing that things are boy/girl, boy/boy, or girl/girl – the truth is that they are also all of these things while not being any one of them exclusively.

In such discussions, I’ve asked you to think about your own thoughts about bisexuality… and then question them. Where did you get them from? Do you really believe that if, say, you don’t believe in this, that you’re actually having an original thought? You aren’t. Your intelligence can easily assimilate this; sure, I suppose people can be bisexual but the belief system that has been pounded into your head will tell you that, nope, not the way shit is supposed to be…

And you could, if you cared to, ask yourself why you’re thinking like that. You’re conditioned to think like that and that conditioning has been reinforced over the whole of your life and it continues from generation to generation and to the point where we even sound a bit cray-cray because we’re saying that people shouldn’t (or can’t) be bisexual and in the face of the unvarnished truth that people are, not to mention that there’s a bisexual writing all of this for you to see and consider, if you are of a mind to.

Which thing, do you think, is right? Those of us who are no longer confused will tell you – or, at least, I will, that what you believe – what you’ve been made to believe, just isn’t the truth – it can’t be; otherwise, everyone who has ever lived would have been heterosexual… and history, that thing we keep failing to learn from, proves that this isn’t true.

It’s just the way things are supposed to be and, duh, things aren’t always the way they’re supposed to be, are they? We know this. We accept this as fact. Can’t accept it when we discover that, oops, we might be bisexual. Not really straight but not really gay, either.

As I say in these things, ya don’t have to believe me – ask yourself, then go ask someone else and a lot of someone else’s and see if you don’t wind up seeing what I saw so many decades ago, that a lot of people are just now finding out for themselves and even if you’re not of a mind to be bisexual yourself, I’m thinking, maybe even hoping, that you won’t be confused by this any longer.

I’ll leave you with two thoughts. The first is the famous quote uttered by Sherlock Holmes: “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” You know, for a fictional character, that dude made a lot of sense, huh? The next is the concept of Occam’s Razor, that being, the simplest explanation is usually the right one.

It’s not impossible that people are bisexual and the simplest explanation is that we’ve always been able to be bisexual if that’s how things shake out for us. Ain’t the way things are supposed to be… just the way things really are.

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Posted by on 15 October 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts


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