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Today’s Bisexual Thoughts: The Followup and Other Stuff

22 Oct

So I went back to the topic I mentioned yesterday and there were other comments other than the one I wrote, which I expected and I even expected that someone with zero actual experience in these things would share their thoughts and while that might sound… strange, I expected this particular thing because there are so many bisexuals (and not just men specifically) who have their own thoughts along these lines – but not many of them are of a mind to voice them or speak to them until someone else does.

Most certainly, when thinking about taking a step like this, it requires some thought and, yep, ya need a plan of some kind on how to make it happen and, yep-yep, ya almost always wind up overthinking it or, as I say, you make this harder than it has to be for yourself and, in turn, for others.

Part of the “other stuff” was seeing a thread about “little steps,” or some things the OP of this thread did to get where he is currently and, sometimes, taking those little or baby steps is what you need to do to keep yourself from overthinking the whole thing; you’re trying to resolve something in your mind that really can’t be resolved until you act, if you must or can.

One interesting key in this is the “habit” of thinking – or overthinking – everything that could possibly go wrong… but not giving a lot of thought of that which could go right (in that sense and whatever that means to a person). The OP of the “other stuff” thread asked the membership if he was doing things wrongly by taking the little or baby steps he’s taken… and the answer is no since, um, when you’re on course to do something that you’ve never done before, taking it slow, easy, and step by step is often the most prudent and wise thing to do.

Not saying that everyone does this since a lot of guys really do just jump on in because this is really “too much” to be thinking about; there are too many variables involved and many that just won’t reveal themselves until you do jump in but, yeah, sure, if you first dip your toe into the water, that works or, famously, one should crawl before they start to walk and before learning to run.

Guys “what if” themselves insane in these things. What if I don’t like it? Shit… what if I really like it? What if I catch something? What if someone finds out what I’ve done? What are the untold number of things that could go wrong…

But, again, little “confessed” thoughts about what could go swimmingly right and beginning with the peace of mind one can get when they find out that sucking a dick is more than just a thought or a feeling and that, hey, that wasn’t bad at all. Do guys think about how much better they’d feel about themselves and how it gets this particular monkey off their back and how not carrying all of the monkey’s weight will make them feel better?

Yeah, they do – but the focus is almost always on that which might go wrong, which is why guys overthink this and wind up creating some pretty elaborate “plans” that they hope will keep wrongness away from them… while not understanding an old military saying: No plan survives first contact with the enemy.

So a lot of guys overthink and plan and if something does happen – and it usually doesn’t, um, it never goes as planned and another maxm – if at first you don’t succeed, try again – just goes over their head because their initial plan either never took shape or just flat-out failed… and because they overthought the whole thing and, sometimes, didn’t think about taking little steps.

Is it “hard” to suck a dick? Not really in the simplest of senses… but what is hard is getting to the point where you can try to do it and, in a way, overthinking it is just part of the territory. Even when you know that men do suck each other’s cocks, you just overthink it because it really is something outside of one’s experience and, uh huh, more often than not, you’re gonna spend more time thinking about what might go wrong than you do thinking about how doing it is going to make you feel – and in ways that don’t include feeling like you just fucked up big time and have made all kinds of mistakes.

We do try to get as much information we can from others; you don’t always have to know the answers but you should know who does have them and because they have had similar thoughts to your own or they’ve actually done it and, hopefully, more than once. It’s good information in a lot of ways… and not so much in other ways because everyone’s experience the first time is different and, as such, is interpreted differently and, yeah, you can get so much information that it’ll make you overthink things because you’re trying to figure out how, say, my experiences are going to equate to your possible experiences…

And there’s no way for you know this until you actually try to do it. It’s not that guys don’t know this because they do… but the fear of the unknown is a very human thing and it will make you overthink shit and the thing you really want to do is to not overthink it.

Gather up enough information to create lists of pros and cons in your mind, sort it all out as best you can and determine whether or not sucking a dick for the first time is something you really want and need to do – then find a dick you can suck and, really, just about any dick will do… except, most guys overthink this, too, by creating scenarios and conditions in their minds that will just keep them overthinking the whole thing and prevent them from doing it and finding out what a lot of men have found out one way or the other.

That’s the hardest part in this: Overthinking it. Not making it easier for you to do it by not taking into consideration that taking little or baby steps would be the best way to approach getting this done. What can happen – and I’d say “usually” is that guys can overthink this and “what if” themselves crazy until their brain literally overloads and they say, “Fuck it!” and suck the first dick they can. Why? Simply because it really is too much shit to be thinking about which spits in the fact of the premise that guys are wont to do this without giving the consequences of their actions any thought at all.

I very much beg to differ with anyone who believes this – we do think about it, even the most experienced of us; we either overthink it or do just enough thinking to allow ourselves to do it. You’re either going to accept that there are risks and decide that the risks are acceptable and, in most cases, avoidable or minimal (use condoms!) or you’re going to keep thinking about the consequences of any potential actions so much that you just won’t be able to do it.

And then do even more overthinking and in the form that it’s everyone else’s fault that you can’t do this and the fault isn’t yours when, uh, um, in fact and in truth, it is your fault: You just became your own worst enemy in this and, duh, the more you overthink it, the more of an enemy to yourself you become.

When a guy says, “I can’t find a guy to do this with!” you can bet whatever you care to what he really is telling you is that he’s overthought the whole thing and usually by setting preferences and creating scenarios in his mind so that he won’t run into any “bad” things which, of course, is to be avoided but it’s not realistic to think that you can really avoid everything that could go wrong… because no one can.

When a guy tells you that he’ll only get with a certain type of guy who has specific qualities and specifications, they’re overthinking it and because the “perfect guy” in his head may or may not really exist, they wind up doing nothing because, due to overthinking, their thoughts will never match up exactly to reality. For instance, a lot of guys, for their first time, want to suck the biggest dick available… and you have to wonder why they do this and it’s usually because they believe that bigger is better and despite experienced cock suckers telling them that, um, no, that’s not really as true as you want it to be; you actually want the dick that will be easier to suck that first time out, not the one that you might not be able to get your mouth around or, gasp, you find out (and as many do) that the guy attached to the big dick is a total and complete asshole.

The want the fittest, most best looking guy they can think of… and because they’ve over thought the whole thing and have now made it harder for them to have that first experience. What guys should really do – and what they eventually figure out (and, usually, the hard way) is to keep it simple: Find a guy who is clean, healthy, and willing and suck his dick and if homey ain’t packing ten thick inches or ain’t GQ handsome, that’s not really a valid reason to not have that first experience under your belt. You gotta start somewhere and that start should be the easiest one you can think of while being mindful – not scared shitless – of any consequences.

Many of us, sadly, don’t do this and, oddly, it somehow doesn’t seem to make sense to not overthink things and to take baby steps if you have to. At this point in the discussion, I think that the OP I mentioned yesterday has gotten some good information that will help him, as he put it, get over the hump and suck dick for the first time… provided he doesn’t get so much input from others that he’ll go right back to overthinking it and, ultimately, find himself unable to do what he wants to do.

What makes oral sex (specifically) in the same sex mode so daunting and downright scary isn’t actually doing it – it’s overthinking it. Some will say that sucking a dick or eating a pussy for the first time is “easy” and a no-brainer – if that’s what you want to do, just do it. It’s not that easy… because we have a tendency to not make it easy and it’s even more difficult to get some folks to see this – it’s what makes experienced guys kinda insane but this, too, makes a kind of sense since we’ve already been through this and got over it.

Yet another of those things that makes a newbie say, “Yeah, but…” and followed by every conceivable bad consequence they can think of and consequences that, truthfully, may or may not manifest themselves. You process whatever information you have and then tell yourself – truthfully and honestly – that there’s only one real way to find out if what you’re thinking about doing is going to be a good or a bad thing for you.

Do it. Make it easy for you to do that first time. Don’t expect anything other than you’re going to do your best to do something that you’re not sure you can do. And don’t overthink it. I tell guys (and gals) that if you can do it, do it more than once. The first time will either prove that you can or can’t; the next time will tell you whether you like it enough to keep doing it or to stop right there. And then, do it a third time because, um, just because the first time may not have gone well, it doesn’t mean that it never will go right.

And then, do it again so that you can find what you like or didn’t like about it so that you can adjust some stuff in your head… and without overthinking any of it and even if you have to keep taking baby steps.

How do you know when you’re overthinking it? That’s easy – you’re the guy who isn’t sucking dick like you want to… while knowing there are a lot of other guys who are having a field day sucking dick.

Hmm.

 
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Posted by on 22 October 2019 in Today's Bisexual Thoughts

 

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