One of the relationship problems I’ve seen involving bisexuality is things not being equal or a bisexual partner stands up for their right to be bisexual and pursue their interests while the other partner is left high and dry and invoking “If you can do it, I can do it, too!” is met with a great deal of resistance, fussing, fighting and, honestly, a total disregard for someone’s sensibilities other than their own.
I knew a guy many, many years ago who was married to a bisexual woman and, as it turned out, he was bisexual as well but extremely frustrated because his wife – a bit of a harpy if I might say so myself – felt that she had the God-given right to slake her lust whenever she wanted to and with whomever she damned well pleased while promising and threatening to leave him and take their two children away if he ever even thought about doing things the way she was doing them.
Ah… I remember the day I met her. We both worked for the local cab company and it had been a very busy – and profitable – night (we worked the 10pm to 7am shift) and things had been so good and hectic that we wound up working until 8:30 or so. He had asked me to give him a ride home and to come in to not only meet his wife but also to confirm that we worked a little overtime as his reason for not being home when he’d normally be there.
Right away, that set off yellow alerts in my head but, okay, I could do this for him because he was a really cool guy. On the way to where he lived, he said, “Don’t be surprised if my wife starts flirting with you, okay?”
The alert in my head started to shift more toward red but, eh, I was used to married women flirting with me… covertly and had said as much – then the alert went fully to red when he shook his head and said, “That’s not what I’m talking about; she’s gonna take one look at you and want to fuck you right then and there!”
Maybe he was exaggerating, maybe he wasn’t – but forewarned is forearmed. Once at his place, wow – his wife lit into him with a verbal barrage that made me want to hit her – and I don’t hit women – and she was so busy shredding him that not only did he not get a chance to get a word in edgewise, she never noticed that he wasn’t alone.
Then she noticed me standing next to him… and her whole demeanor changed and I mean it changed so quickly that had I not bore witness to her diatribe, I would have sworn she wasn’t pissed off about him being late coming home. I backed him up, of course, and I honestly don’t know whether she eased up on him because I verified his reason for being late… or there was something else going on but I’ll be damned if she didn’t proposition me… right in front of her husband.
I was horrified at her callousness and regard for his feelings; I mean, okay – if you’re gonna hit on someone, shit, at least wait until your spouse leaves the room for something, ya know, or try to be subtle about it! She’s eyeballing my crotch and all that and I’m looking at him giving me that “I told you!” look but it was the whipped puppy look in his eyes that really bothered me. She sashayed off to the kitchen to fix him something to eat – and I could tell this shocked the hell out of him – flinging her hips all over the place and I took that moment to let him know I was outta there but if he wanted to talk later, I’d be all ears.
Business was slow by the time our shift got started and we had plenty of time to hang out at our assigned cab stand to sit and talk… and even though I was “recently new” to this open marriage thing, what my friend was telling me shocked me to my very core. She was bisexual and that’s when he confessed to me that he was bisexual as well but he wasn’t allowed to pursue his interests while allowing her to, basically, bully him into submitting to her will… and I was both pissed and very sympathetic toward him and his plight.
He asked me, “How did you and your wife agree to be open?” and I kinda laughed and said that we didn’t agree to it until she hit me with an ultimatum and talked everything out and that the transition wasn’t what I’d call easy but, sure, we were making it work.
“I wish you could explain this to her,” he said and the way he said it just broke my heart. I knew it was probably a mistake on my part but I told him that if she’d listen, I’d talk to her about this one-sided bullshit that was not only making a mockery of their marriage but really doing a number on his state of mind. I did, however, ask him a question: If she’s not gonna let you do your thing the way you need to, why haven’t you just done it anyway?
His answer? He said he was very afraid she’d find out and leave him, taking their children, too. I rolled my eyes and asked him, “Um, how would she know? Dude, do you have any idea how many offers for sex I get being behind the wheel… and how much sex I’ve had?”
He smiled and said, “I know… I get offers, too, but I turn them down; I’m just scared shitless that she’s gonna find out!”
I couldn’t say how she could possibly find out but, okay, he was obviously convinced that she could and would. I felt very badly for him and his plight and so much that since we were sitting in the back seat of my cab, yeah – I just proceeded to give him a blow job because, for one, he needed one (think bro job) and for another thing, I wanted to find out if she would find out.
This… heifer was a piece of work. I think it was a couple of days later when I gave him a ride home and I had a couple of days to see the results of my impromptu blow job – he was happier, less sullen, even invigorated. Good! We get to his place and we go in… and there’s his wife on the sofa, buck naked, and not only in a 69 with another woman but there was a guy plowing her from the back! My second thought was it was a good thing their kids were in school… but my first thought was, “What the fuck? She knew he was on his way home and do you mean to tell me that she chose not to finish doing her dirt before he got there? Really?”
He said… nothing. The trio on the sofa heard us come in and she looked up, saw me – smiled – and said, “Hey! Bring that dick over here and join the party!”
I said, “Hmm, okay, but, ah, how about inviting this guy right here while you’re at it?” The guy in his wife’s pussy said he didn’t mind and the gal being eaten said, “Shit, yeah – the more the merrier!”
His wife went apeshit crazy! She actually got off the sofa and got in his face over what I had said and what her two partners had agreed to and like it was his fault! I glanced at the two on the sofa and got the thought that not only were they more “regular” than the situation appeared, they, too, had probably been subjected to her venomous dialogs at some point; they just sat there and trying not to draw her ire.
She went to slap her husband… and I broke the rule about not getting in between a husband and wife fussing and fighting. I grabbed her hand in mid-swing and they both looked surprised and as she tried to pull away from me, I said, “Enough!” then turned to the two naked people on the sofa and said, “Time for you two to go – I need to have a conversation with these two… now, get in the wind!”
They hurry up and get redressed and out the door; I’m still holding her arm and when I let her go, yep, she took a swing at me which I easily blocked and I told her, “I don’t hit women but if you swing at me again, I will put you on your ass. Get over there and sit the fuck down!”
My friend is stunned because I intervened… and she went and sat the fuck down. He’s looking at me and I can’t decipher the look but I told him, “This bullshit needs to end… and it’s gonna end right the fuck now.”
And proceeded to read her the riot act. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have done it; it was none of my business but I couldn’t just stand there and let this travesty continue. I had her in tears pretty quickly as I told her how fucked up this was for both of them, that instead of shit going the way it had probably been going, things could be better for and between them if he was allowed to do what she’s obviously been doing – what’s good for the gander should be just as good for the goose and all that.
Her reason for not extending the courtesy? She was afraid that he’d get with someone else and leave her and I understood that but, as I pointed out to her, that didn’t explain or even excuse throwing her sexual proclivities in his face like this and not even considering that he might want to join in or, at the least, pursue his own interests. Then I told her that I sucked his dick and that seemed to change his whole mood and demeanor and, yeah, I regaled her with every nasty detail and it was funny to watch her face run through the gamut of emotions, from being totally pissed to… being excited.
I spent almost two hours talking to both of them and getting them to hash out an agreement between them. I understood what she said about her need for sex and I understood that she really didn’t have any complaints about his ability to provide her sex but I told her that if she was as smart as she thought she was, it should have occurred to her that, given that he was just as bisexual as she was, they could work together to take care of each other’s “extra needs” instead of this one-sided, heavy-handed crap she was laying on him and more so since, in reality, there was no real reason for them not to be on the same page about this.
Told her what my wife had laid on me and she did ask, “Weren’t you mad?” and I confirmed that I was beyond livid – but I let my intelligence work the situation rather than to let my emotions do that. It hurt, didn’t feel good, totally trashed everything I believed in… but we did it anyway because this was about the two of us doing whatever we had to do to make and keep each other happy… and to stay together.
“So, you two are gonna come to terms over this before I leave here; I am not going to take his word – or yours – that you’ve come to an agreement and I’m not here to witness it and, believe me: I will hold both of you to it and if you think I can’t or won’t, think again!”
Yeah… like I could really do that… but it sounded good and the important thing is that they believed me. While they talked, I called home and explained my absence to my wife and she was just as shocked over the scene we’d walked into as I was. She said, “Do what you gotta do, baby…”
Two more hours later, they hashed out an agreement; she wanted things to be more in her favor by telling him what he couldn’t do but I reminded her that it was blatantly unfair for her to prevent him from doing something she could do – and had been doing all along. I told them that trying to be equal in this was really a waste of time and energy but it was about working together to take care of these needs instead of one person doing their own thing and with no visibility or anything else that would make this situation more equitable and tolerable.
Yeah… I imposed my will upon both of them. I shouldn’t have done it but I did and I do have to say that if their relationship hadn’t gotten better because of my intervention, shit, I’d probably hate myself. But it did get better for them. Of course, since I worked with him, he’d tell me about the progress they were making with their relationship and that the rough spots I told them would happen did come up – but they worked through them.
“You scared the shit out of her that day,” he said to me one night when we were having dinner. “I’d never seen anyone make her back down before and it took me a couple of days to convince her that you weren’t gonna show up and kick her ass!”
“I’d never do that but I meant what I said to her; she swings at me again, I’m putting her on her ass,” I said. “Shit… I should have just minded my own business but I couldn’t just stand there and do nothing.”
“I understand,” he said. “Things are so much better now; there’s less stress, less tension, and she doesn’t yell and scream at me like she used to. Yeah… it took some doing for me to actually watch her getting laid and she admitted that it wasn’t easy for her to watch me having fun with someone else… but I think we’ve gotten past that, thanks to you.”
“Somebody had to do something about this,” I said, waving off his thanks. “She wasn’t gonna do it and you were too afraid to do anything to fix things. You two have been together too long just to let something like this fuck everything up when you both could have done something to keep it from getting all fucked up and thrown away… and, forgive me, but I wasn’t gonna let that happen.”
“I’m glad you didn’t and she is, too,” he said. “By the way, I’m supposed to ask you if you and your wife can come over for dinner Saturday.”
I said I’d check with my wife but for now, I thought we could and, no, I didn’t even ask him why we were being invited – I knew why and I’m sure you can guess why just as easily as I did…